


The Greatest Fear of the Nightmare King

by allmagiccomeswithrice (bisaleth)



Series: The Yin and Yang of Fear and Fun [1]
Category: Guardians of Childhood & Related Fandoms, Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreamsharing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Flashbacks, Friendship/Love, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pitch becomes a Guardian, Redemption, Romance, Slow Burn, When I say the romance is slow burn I MEAN IT, a lot of parallel thinking between Pitch and Jack, balancing dark and light, well sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 46,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisaleth/pseuds/allmagiccomeswithrice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pitch is struggling with his fears and memories of Kozmotis, and something is wrong with the believers. Only Jack can help Pitch escape his nightmares and save the children from themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic switches between POV every now and again to give a better perspective on the characters and their thoughts and feelings about what's going on. Be warned.

_Darkness. That's the first thing I remember. It was pitch black and it was cold...and I was scared._

_I didn't know why or what exactly I feared, only that I could feel it eating at my mind and crawling at my skin. At first, it was painful..., but then it was intoxicating. The stench of terror that was not entirely my own was overpowering my senses and it felt far better to retreat into the fears of others, rather than to dwell on my own. Over time, I found comfort in the power I held over everyone, rejoicing in feeling and seeing just how much the fear would affect them._

_I kept myself busy. I didn't want to pay attention to the golden locket I'd placed in my pocket. I didn't dare to think of how, once I'd made myself comfortable in my dark cave, I hid that locket in a special corner of shadows for...safe keeping._

_No. I would wander the world and strike terror in the heart of every person, without thought to my lapses of judgement during which I would look upon the locket in a mixture of hate, fear, curiosity, and something else I still could not identify._

_All was well, and I could run away so easily from my fears...that was, until the Man in the Moon sent his 'Guardians' to do his dirty work._

_That was when everything started to fall apart. That was when people began to halt their beliefs in me and quickly stopped being so susceptible to my power. That was when children and adults alike would no longer fall victim to my grim tales of monsters and demons._

_That was when I no longer had their fear to distract me from my own._

_The Guardians left me alone in the darkness of my cave, but only as soon as they were sure that not a single soul could see me any longer. All I had left was my fear, my anger, this blasted locket, and my hate for the Guardians who had taken away everything._

_But that was a long time ago._

_I thought I'd finally escaped from my prison of nightmares, and even had the ludicrous thought that I'd found someone who understood, but now I see that hope is utter nonsense and should not be trusted. Hope is a lie you tell yourself to feel better. Jack Frost is just like the rest of them. He may have experienced some small drop of the pain and fear of not being believed in, but he has obviously not felt the agony of fearing nothing but yourself._

_Now I am once again left to suffer in the darkness of my cage. Sometimes, it's not quite so bad. Some days, I can even sense a child or two somewhere who is being told the tale of the fearsome Bogeyman, and it gets me through the hours without losing too much of my tired mind._

_Today, it's bad. The nightmares have transformed themselves into endless swirls of darkness and glowing red eyes. They're watching me calculatingly as they tear at either my body or my mind, I can't tell. I've heard...or...imagined distant screams and quiet whimpers coming from the voice of a child, but the sounds are just too far off for me to cling to._

* * *

It's been nearly two years since I became a Guardian, yet still, after asking nearly a hundred times, the other Guardians refuse to tell me anything about who Pitch was before he became the Bogeyman. Did they really think I wouldn't demand to know?  Pitch nearly destroyed the Guardians altogether, myself included, and they can't even tell me why he's like that? I mean, that's kind of important, isn't it? Sometimes, I wonder if maybe he was sincere back in Antarctica. He did say he longed for a family.  I did that too, until I found out that I had one. He might have had a family.  I understand that it isn't really my business, but I can't be the first Guardian to get curious about why he's evil, right? He was a kid too, once. He must've been.

So what changed? Why do they avoid my questions about it?

I know this is probably not an amazingly great idea, but I'm thinking it'll be fine. Pitch'll probably be all bark and no bite at this point.  He was pretty weak and devastated the last time I saw him, so the other Guardians don't need to worry so much about every little thing just because it's Pitch.

Of course, I got about a million objections when I first suggested this to them, but I managed. The fact that the Man in the Moon himself told us that something was up with Pitch was helpful, but also a little weird. Not just because the Man in the Moon doesn't talk much, but also because he showed that  **I**  have to be the one to confront him.

Why does the Man in the Moon always have to give us weird signals?

When I finally reach the clearing, I find just what I was hoping for. A broken bed frame, and a hole in the ground.

I need to brace myself before I go down. I can't let him affect me like he did last time I was down there.

Here goes.


	2. Chapter 2

Pitch's lair was much bigger and far more empty than Jack remembered.

It was taking quite a while to find the spirit of darkness, especially when everything already had been surrounded by shadow. The lack of happenings left room for thought, Jack supposed.

In all honesty, there were a lot of reasons why Jack wanted to visit Pitch. He'd wanted to ask him about Antarctica and often wondered how sincere Pitch's offer to him had been. He wanted to know if Pitch truly longed for a family like he did, or if it had all been just a ruse to get him to betray the Guardians, and, although he would not admit this, he wanted to be sure that Pitch was alive after what had happened.  Since he hadn't heard anything of him since, who knows if he exists anymore?  Schrodinger's Bogeyman.

Jack was worried.

As much as he knew Pitch wasn't good, he still felt as though he had something good in him somewhere. There were too many times he'd seen something flash over Pitch's face that would give way to his humanity. He couldn't help but think back to the look Pitch had given when he discovered the kids couldn't see him anymore, or to the expression he'd had when he'd been chased into his lair by his own nightmares.

That kind of sorrow and mortification cannot be faked, can it?

Before he could answer that thought, he heard a pained whimper from the darkest corner of the room, echoing ever so slightly in the stone walls throughout the cave. Pitch?He squinted, taking a step closer to get a better look.

It didn't appear to be Pitch, for all he could see was a pile of darkness and an occasional flash of...something.  Red eyes? Pitch doesn't have red eyes...

He took another step closer, poking his staff at it until the swirl stopped what it had been doing and dissipated to leave Pitch alone, some bits of it seeming to flow into Pitch's skin and meld with it as though it had always been a part of him.

Jack was taken aback by what was left. Pitch looked as though he hadn't slept in a very long time, and some areas of his skin and clothing appeared to have been clawed at. Out of all the things that Jack had imagined seeing when he found Pitch, this certainly was not one of the top five most anticipated.

What was that thing? Why would it do this to Pitch when he was already harmless and defenseless? How long had this been going on before he got there? Was this his fault in the first place?

He got on his knees immediately and cupped Pitch's face, trying to shake him into reality. "Pitch? Pitch! Wake up!" He dropped the temperature drastically, hoping it would be cold enough to wake the king of nightmares.

Pitch's eyes opened and he immediately shoved Jack off him as though he thought he was still in a nightmare, trying to get away from something before he realized who it was. His face softened for a small moment in apparent relief that it wasn't something worse, but the expression didn't last long. _"Frost."_ He snarled, his momentary appreciation having been forgotten. Jack ignored this, standing up to lean against the wall to watch him carefully. "Pitch."

Jack sighed and sat cross-legged on the ground by the wall in order to be on level with Pitch, who was currently still balled up in the corner. For a long while, they just sat there, both having a lot to say, but neither feeling ready to speak yet.

When someone finally did speak, of course it was Jack who'd let his curiosity get the better of himself first. He looked over at Pitch's broken sort of state pensively as he spoke. "So... what did that to you?"

Pitch's mood and demeanor did not change as he replied, resigned and purposefully resentful to cover up his fear. _"Me. I did this."_

Jack didn't know what to say to that, so he just kept silent. He thought that it'd been those nightmares that did it, but apparently not. After a couple more minutes of really uncomfortable silence, Pitch spoke again. _"Leave."_

Jack only chuckled at this good-naturedly, his eyes looking up from the ground to meet the shadows. As if he'd just leave Pitch alone like that."Um,...I'm gonna go with a no on that one. Not gonna happen. You have some explaining to do, so I'm technically here on official Guardian business."

Pitch glared as menacingly as he could manage in that moment, but finding that it was a little weak. _"I'd rather not explain anything to you. So, what is it that's so important that you would come off your high horse to visit what remains of the Nightmare King? Come to finish the job? Have the Guardians sent their favorite new toy to avoid soiling their hands?"_ He sneered.

Oddly enough and despite his unfriendly attitude, Pitch had actually been quite relieved to see Jack again. He couldn't sense any fear coming off the boy, but the Guardian of Fun was a good distraction nonetheless. He gripped the chain of the locket in his hands absentmindedly. He knew Jack would not have come to kill him, but he also had to use  _something_  to distract Jack from his current state of emotional vulnerability.

While Pitch was lost in thought, Jack took the opportunity to lean over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Nah. I think I came here because you needed my help."

Pitch scoffed at this, brushing off Jack's hand like it was offensive. _"Help? And why exactly would I need your help?"_

"Because you look like you need some fun in your daily routine.  Obviously." Jack casually smirked, motioning down to Pitch's unseemly form. "Besides, someone needs to keep you from summoning hordes of evil and taking over the world." He summoned a few snowflakes, purposefully landing them on Pitch, who tried to swat them away, growling unhappily.

_"So you're my keeper, then?  You know the other Guardians have no further use for you when they can't think of anything better for you to do than babysit a completely powerless spirit."_

Pitch stood, wobbling a bit, but trying his best to seem like he has it together. _"I'll know I have sunken low when I accept help from a Guardian who intends to keep me like a pet."_ He began walking out of the room, keeping one hand on the wall at all times to stop himself from falling, only turning back for a moment to speak as he left. _"You gave up your chance to help at Antarctica. Do not think I will make the mistake of thinking of you as a companion again."_

With that, he faded into the shadows. Jack tried to follow him out, but Pitch was nowhere to be seen. Well, that was that.

He'd just have to come back on a better day.


	3. Chapter 3

There's something wrong with the children.

When they leave their houses to play in the snow with Jack, they leave their coats and shoes inside. When Tooth comes to collect their teeth, she finds that they've been losing them earlier than they're supposed to. When searching for hidden eggs on Easter, they look in dangerous places. When they fight with the toy swords they got from Christmas, they're just a little too violent, as though they don't realize that they could get hurt.

The Guardians consulted Manny about it, but all they got was that they needed to focus on Pitch.

This was why Jack had to keep an eye on him. Everyone thought that Pitch must be doing something shady (he usually was, being a shade himself), but after that episode last week, Jack was confident that Pitch was not to blame.

Jack has visited the hole in the ground once a day, and every day, he thought back to the thing that had been clawing at Pitch. He needed a plan before he went in again. He didn't want a repeat of his first day going down there.

Sandy was the oldest of the Guardians. If there was any information about what that lump of darkness that had been hurting Pitch was, Sandy would have it. Probably.

Today, instead of having another pointless visit to Pitch's lair, Jack had gone to find Sandy. It wasn't difficult. Any strand of dream sand could be traced back to him, so Jack had no trouble finding him standing in the calm night skies of a small town in North America, dancing about melodically as he wove dreams together, sending streams of golden sand through the sky and into the minds of children.

The Sandman soon noticed Jack's presence, smiling and waving as he continued with his work.

"Hey, Sandy. I have something to ask you, do you have second?"

Sandy focused on finishing the set of dreams he'd been working on, and sent them on their ways before giving Jack his full attention, raising a question mark in the sand above his head.

"I need to know if there might be another spirit at work or something." Jack began, "'See, when I went to visit Pitch, there was something else there in the darkness, and this time I know it wasn't Pitch. I think it was hurting him."

Sandy looked unimpressed, obviously not particularly concerned with the safety of a spirit who has nearly killed him twice.

"Look, I just need to know what it was. If I knew what that dark, red-eyed blob of darkness was, maybe I could get a bit closer to finding out what's going on with the kids. That's what matters, right?"

Sandy nodded, creating a picture book out of dream sand and handing it to Jack, who looked down at the man in puzzlement. Sandy motioned to the book again before getting back to creating dreams, leaving Jack to his business.

Jack flew down to a rooftop to begin flipping through the pages with great interest. The book was titled "The Golden Age", and told of demons, fearlings, and other dark creatures from all over the universe being trapped in a cage, protected by a brave guard that the king had trusted.

It doesn't say exactly how the Golden Age ended, only that it didn't end well.

So, the thing that attacked Pitch wasn't a creature, but creatures? Fearlings, demons? What would they want with Pitch?

Jack got up to return to his frozen lake, needing time to think this out.

* * *

Pitch rarely slept. That wasn't anything new. Being the king of nightmares tended to lend yourself to having said nightmares. Today, he'd been able to fall asleep, but that was not something he appreciated. The dream was vivid, and he'd had it before.

He was somewhere dark, which should have been comforting, but it wasn't. There was a cage, or many cages, with horrible things locked inside of them, and he wasn't sure whether he was scared of them escaping, or if he was a creature that was scared of not being able to escape. He was tired. He wanted to go home to his dark, comforting lair and stay with his locket, but instead, his worst fears were soon realized and the creatures escaped their cages, flying at him in waves.

Pitch opened his eyes, panting. He stared intensely at the cages hanging from the top of the cave in an attempt to reassure himself that the only nightmarish creature in his lair was himself. He nearly calmed down until he realized that he wasn't alone.

He knew who it was before he even bothered to look, so he just closed his eyes and scowled in annoyance from his place laying on the stone ground. " _Jack Frost."_

Jack tried his best to keep a light atmosphere. Or make one, rather- seeing as there is never a light atmosphere around Pitch, naturally. "Pitch Black." He mocked the shade's voice playfully as he replied.

Pitch's scowl only grew in disgust. " _You couldn't sound as terrifying as I, even if your soul depended on it."_  He commented in a growl.  _"On 'Official Guardian Business' again, Jack?"_

"No." Jack replied sarcastically, perching on the top of his staff. "I just love coming to visit you, because you're such good company.  Bit too bright in here though, don't you think?  Your cave could use a few more creepy decorations, for effect- maybe a cobweb or two could help freshen the place up?"

Pitch gave a resigned sigh, lazily opening his eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling of the cave. " _What do you want?"_

Jack hopped off his staff, leaning against the wall and putting his free hand in his hoodie pocket absentmindedly as he dodged the question. "Having bad dreams? Y'know...-"

Pitch interrupted before Jack could finish.  _"If you've come to play therapist, then I'm afraid I will have to disappoint you. I'm not going to play any of your silly games."_

There was a pause in which Jack didn't know how to reply, so Pitch took the opportunity.  _"If that's all you came to do, I strongly suggest you leave, for your own benefit."_

Jack walked over to Pitch's laying form, sitting down next to him as though he hadn't heard a word he'd just said. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep? So,...who's Emily?" Pitch's eyes widened a little at the mention of the name, it sounded familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

 _"I...don't know any 'Emily', now please leave."_  He grumbled in response, unconsciously gripping the locket tighter.  _"I have plenty things pestering me already without your help."_  

Jack raised an eyebrow, making no move to get up. "You mean the fearlings? They're not here now, are they? They disappeared when you woke up."

Pitch snapped at Jack, turning his face to the guardian in a threatening snarl, the grip on his locket loosening intentionally, to avoid cracking it further. " _They are always here, Jack. They never leave."_  Jack glanced nervously at the empty cages as the realization dawned on him.

He had to be sure.

He had to be completely certain. Before Pitch even knew what was happening, Jack reached out and took the locket straight from Pitch's hand, quickly opening it to look at the picture inside before Pitch snatched it back. It was true.

It was the same girl from the story. The guard's daughter that had been left behind so that he could protect the Golden Age.

That was Emily.


	4. Chapter 4

_Belief is such a strange concept, isn't it?_

_One may believe in a god, in bad luck, or any other idea, and whatever that person believes in soon becomes part of their reality. They will continue living their lives as though whatever it is that they believe is a fact. Am I here because I always was here, or do I exist because someone believes I do? For thousands of years, I have existed, and yet I have never been in a position as terrible as this one._

_Perhaps it is because I am no longer believed in by anyone?_

_I wasn't always the Bogeyman. I remember waking up in the darkness with nothing but a name echoing through my mind. I knew my name was Pitch, and given the circumstance I was in, I decided on the last name of Black. It suited me. People didn't start calling me the Bogeyman until I'd been around for hundreds of years already- they had more creative names for me before that. My current state cannot be attributed to the fact that people have stopped believing in the Bogeyman, because I was not like this before anyone even started._

_Throughout all my time, even when no one had any specific fear of me, I was always fine because fear was always there. It was always there...but I have not felt someone else's fear for weeks now, and I'm losing my mind._

_I can feel the awareness of my surroundings slipping sometimes, and I admit that I do not fully know what I do when I stop thinking and begin to act on pure fear instinct. I think that perhaps the children have stopped fearing altogether. The Guardians would like that, wouldn't they?_

_They don't understand. Fear is necessary._

_I pause to try and feel for fear in the air. Nothing._

_Nothing? No, that's...I've never been completely without any...oh. This is bad. I'm fading away. If there was just one person in this world who was scared, I might be able to cling to it like a lifeline, but there's just nothing. Where there used to be constant whispers of each person's fears, there is now only my own. Soon, there will be no more Pitch Black and there will be no more fear. There will only be..._

_Light._

* * *

The incidents with the children are becoming worse. Kids are not using even the smallest amounts of caution, and no one knows why. We've never been in a crisis like this before. Two children have already died because they didn't listen to warnings, and too many of them are in hospitals for it to go unnoticed.

The other Guardians gave me one last day to figure out what Pitch is doing before they storm into his lair and do something about it themselves the old fashioned way.

I thought he needed time, but maybe I was wrong. His condition has been getting worse every time I visit. I've come by maybe three times a week for the past month, but ever since I tried to tell him who he used to be, he stopped talking to me.

When I realized who Emily was, I tried to tell Pitch, but he wouldn't listen. First, he denied that the locket was his, claiming that he found it on the ground in his cave, but then when I tried to explain what happened to the guard in the story, he went silent, and has refused to talk to me since.

I still visit, but he just ignores my existence. Here I am, trying to help him, and he pretends I'm not even there! Today, I'm just going to lay it out for him. I'll tell him everything about the situation, and he'll have to either accept my offer for help, or decide to fight all of us...again.

I reach the entrance to his lair, but there's something odd about it. Is just me, or is the hole slowly getting smaller?

That is probably not good. I don't know what's happening, all I know is that I have a bad feeling about this, and that I need to get to Pitch before it's too late. I jump down the hole and begin my search. Too late? Too late for what? Too late for me to stop Pitch from hurting the children?

No. I know what's been going on here, I just don't want to think about it. If the fear is disappearing in the kids, then Pitch must be disappearing as well. I can't let that happen, no matter what. I don't care if the other Guardians want to let him rot, he doesn't deserve that. He may have done some bad things, but he never actually hurt the children, and he doesn't deserve to be left to die.

Not in this area of the cave. I'll just have to search the next.

How long am I going to be looking for him? Is he even here? What if Pitch doesn't want to be found? What if Pitch wants to let himself disappear? What If-...

What if he's already faded?

Panic starts to run through me. Pitch can't die, right? He can't really disappear, there will always be fear, right? ...right? I'm just going to search a bit faster, just in case...

...There's only one area left that I haven't checked, and I'm scared. I'm scared for Pitch. I know I probably shouldn't care so much about him, but I do, and there's no changing it.

The wind pushes me into the air as I fly over to the cages hanging high above. It's not likely he's up there, but...

One of the cages is swinging ever so slightly. It has to be him, right? It has to be! There's no where else left! I fly as quickly as I can, opening the cage as soon as I got there. It was Pitch.

Well, barely. There are those fearlings in here, too, so I shut the cage behind me. They cant seem to go near the bars, and he might have locked himself in here so that they couldn't escape. Even though they're in here with me, they don't seem to find any interest in Pitch, or me for that matter. They're just...moving around aimlessly.

Pitch is in horrible shape. His robes appear to have been torn all over by claws, and he has scrapes all over his body. I kneel in front of him to get a better look at him in the semi-darkness. I was right. He's fading, but he's not gone yet. I can stop this. I can stop this because I've never been this scared before, not once, and that's what Pitch needed, right? I have a strong fear and I believe in him.

It was actually rather good that all I had to do to keep him there was have the fear of losing him, because that was really all I could do at this point. I don't know much beyond first aid and I somehow doubt that those cuts would heal from some antiseptic and band-aids.

If I stay until he wakes up and then leave, this could happen again. No, I need a better way to keep track of him. I need ...help. I should bring him to the Guardians.

I put his arm around my shoulder, picking him up and leaving the cage behind as I carried him all the way to North's. It took me a long time and I nearly dropped him a couple times, but I got by alright. When I finally got there, the Yetis almost didn't let me in. I walk Pitch's limp body into the globe room, generally ignoring the stares of the elves on the way, but pausing once to ask Dingle to tell North I was waiting for him with Pitch in tow.

It really did not take long before North burst through the doors with wide eyes, worry, confusion, and the obvious consideration that Jack might be insane written all over his face. "You brought Pitch in here?!" He stared disbelievingly as I carefully lay Pitch on the floor.

"Shh!" I raised my finger to my lips. "Don't wake him up. I think he had a bit too much eggnog." I chuckled. North practically stomped over to me. He can be very intimidating when he wants to be, I almost forgot about that. When he finally cornered me and got me to look him in the eye, he spoke again, simply. " **Explain**."


	5. Chapter 5

Pitch hasn't woken. It's been days, and he's still soundlessly sleeping on the bed in North's workshop. When I explained the situation, the others were somewhat sympathetic to Pitch's plight, but obviously not ready to forget or forgive anything he'd done.

I guess he did do some pretty horrible stuff, and they all knew him for a longer period of time than I, but I can't help but feel like it wasn't really Pitch doing those things. North let him use a room in the workshop to sleep, but I don't know what good it's really doing. All he's done is sleep and I'm starting to think he might not wake up.

Why wouldn't he? He has a believer, so he should be awake by now!

But I'm a guardian, not a kid. I stare down at Pitch's sleeping form from my seat next to the bed. Maybe I'm not enough. Maybe, he just needs more people to believe? There has to be something I can do besides sitting around and worrying about him.

Wait, did he just move? Is he awake? ...I don't think so, it looks like he's just turning in his sleep. Still, that's more than he's been doing, so that's some sort of improvement. I hope this is over with soon. The children are still worsening, and even Jamie has been getting careless.

My hand has begun to feel...warm, suddenly. I look down to find that Pitch's hand that had been previously laying next to his head is now resting atop my own hand, almost comfortingly. If it weren't for the fact that he's the king of nightmares, I might have begun to feel something. If there were any strange feelings there, I am absolutely not going to acknowledge it. Not now and probably not ever. No. King of Nightmares. No.

This is still Pitch. He's probably the bad guy, don't get attached....or so I've decided to tell myself repeatedly in an attempt to have a voice of reason. I was never very good at having those.

Still... he looks peaceful. Nothing like how he'd looked when I first found him. He's mostly healed up by now, and if I didn't know him better, I'd say that he was probably dreaming about snowball fights and hot chocolate.

Maybe if I just...

I iced over Pitch's hand, waiting to see if he would react. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long, because he immediately tugged his hand away and opened his eyes, squinting in his sleepy daze, obviously trying to make sense of things in his half-asleep state. He looked over his hand for a small moment, quickly noticing the thin layer of frost upon it.  _"Frost..?"_  He soon came to his senses and realized what this meant, dropping his hand and finally acknowledging my existence.

He bolted upright to take in his surroundings before settling down and glaring at me, hissing out his words as menacingly as he could manage, " _Where have you taken me, Frost What do you want from me? Don't you think you've beaten the dead night mare enough?"_

I back off a bit, raising my hands defensively. "Hey, hey, I saved your life! A simple 'thank you' would suffice, but I'm not that picky."

Pitch's glare sort of calmed down and instead he started to sort of examine me, eyeing me with suspicion. " _You can't possibly think that your ridiculous act of kindness is going to change anything. Why would you help me?"_  I stood and walked to the window so I can watch the blizzard going on outside as I draw frost patterns on the window absentmindedly. "Because we're the same."

Even though I couldn't see it, I can practically feel Pitch glaring at my back with contempt. " _We are nothing alike."_

I turn back to sit down on the chair next to the bed. It's so plainly obvious that we are alike that it's almost scary sometimes. Wasn't he the one who seemed to understand that we had a connection, or was that all just to try and get me on his side? "I may not be ready to summon the armies of evil just to be believed in, but I know a thing or two about what it feels like to be alone, Pitch."

_"Is this you telling me you've reconsidered the offer I made to you in Antarctica?"_

"No." He replied firmly, "I'm just saying that I unders-"

Pitch interrupted, not wanting to hear any of it. " _No. You saved your family. When you look back, you have a happy little memory of rescuing your little sister. I am not some... fallen hero, Jack."_  He heaved a sigh and stared into nothing. " _From what little I can recall, I was not a good person."_  He'd remembered something he didn't want to. I can see it in his face, the horror, the regret. Regret? That isn't like Pitch.

My voice intruded upon the silence, stopping his train of thought. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't understand, but I still want to help because I know there is good in you. I think I know who you were and I can help you remember!" I exclaim, perhaps a deal more excited about the idea of a good Pitch than the shade himself was.

Pitch really didn't want to stick around and start remembering that again. It's the polar opposite of me, who tried so hard to remember who I was. Instead, it looks like he'd prefer to forget. " _I'd rather not. Now, if you don't mind, I would enjoy staying as far away from you and the other Guardians as is physically possible."_   To confirm what this meant, Pitch pointedly reached a hand out to summon a dark portal, but found no reaction in the darkness.

Nothing. No shadows creeping up the wall, no darkness seeping through the floor, not a single movement. Anxiety began to cloud the nightmare king's mind as he looked up at me in question. " _What have you done to me?"_

I raised an eyebrow. "I haven't done anything."

 _"My-"_  Pitch reached to his side again, as if trying to grasp something that wasn't there.  _"My shadows, what have you done with my shadows?"_  His eyes were wide and almost panicked as he stared at me, futilely grabbing at the air in hope that it was just a fluke.

It wasn't.


	6. Chapter 6

"How's he doing?"

Jack spoke quietly as he looked at Tooth with concern, who responded by giving him a sympathetic half-smile. "He stopped trying to use his nightmare sand a couple of hours ago. I've never seen Pitch like this. He just sits there, awake, but not responding to anything I say. It's like he just gave up."

There's nothing he could do now but try again to talk to him, so Jack nodded and walked past Tooth, toward the room that Pitch was doubtless still sulking in.

* * *

_I can't use my sand. I can't summon my shadows. I can't make nightmares. I can't cause fear._

_Why am I here? Oh, of course, because Jack wanted to play hero. He can't just leave well enough alone, can he? There's nothing left for me here, he should have just left me in my cage to disappear._

_This place is blinded with wonder. I'm practically drowning in the lights of the Guardian's believers that shine brightly on the globe. I'm not scared. Not even a little. I should be scared, I'm always scared, but I'm not right now. Why am I not scared? I can't smell any fear in the air, not even my own._

_Who am I without fear? Is there anything left? I must be feeling something, but I know fear and this is not it. Shouldn't I be angry at the Guardians for keeping me captive here? No...this isn't anger. This is something else..._

"Not going to try to escape?" _Jack's entrance interrupted my thoughts._

_"I don't see the point. I wouldn't get far. Tell me, Jack- do you always enter without knocking, or do you only do that when I'm involved?" Jack laughs as he leans on his staff._

"Tooth said you weren't speaking." _He smirks._ "Am I special?"

_I roll my eyes. Not only did he avoid my question, but he's mocking me. In truth, I would rather not hurt my pride further by interacting with Queen Toothiana, not when I know I can't escape. It probably would have been best if I had avoided talking to Jack as well, but I suppose there's no point in it now that I've made my first mistake in responding. "Perhaps you are. It would certainly explain your idiotic behavior and your blatant disregard for manners."_

"Oh, my poor ego!" _He pretended to be wounded by my comment. How childish. "_ And here I was starting to think you actually appreciated my good company."

_"You flatter yourself. What do you want?"_

_Jack's smirk only grew wider. He's up to something, and it's probably not going to be good news. "_ You want your shadows back, right?" _I stare at him in suspicion as I stand, just so I can loom over him menacingly. "So you did take them." I should have known the guardians would do something like this. I need to stop underestimating Jack's cleverness and the guardians' power. If only I had spent more time building up on more nightmare sand, I could've...well. Doesn't matter now._

 _Jack raises his hand defensively as he takes a step back so we're no longer in close proximity. "_ Whoa, there. I didn't take them, I just have an idea on how you could get them back." _I'm not going to trust him. I'm not. That doesn't mean I can't hear his theory. I stay silent._

"I want you to become a Guardian." _Jack watches me with a serious expression._

_After all these thousands of years of terrifying children, they want me to become a guardian of childhood. All of the tension in the air seems to drop away as I start to laugh the hardest I've laughed for as long as I can recall, even including all my maniacal laughs. "Me! A Guardian! What a splendid idea, I could go out and rescue children and maybe start a holiday to celebrate joy and sunshine! Oh happy day! Thank you so much for this invitation, Jack- now I can do that I've always wanted to do- bring hopes and dreams to children everywhere!"_

_Jack said nothing, choosing to just stand there and smile encouragingly._

_"Oh, you really are the Guardian of fun, Jack, what an idea!" My laughter began to die down as I saw that Jack was not commenting or even laughing. He was serious about this._

"I know how it sounds, but just hear me out." _The young Guardian began excitedly._ "You need believers, right?" _I nod slowly. "_ Well, we need the kids to take care of themselves, so I thought that maybe if you became a Guardian and scared a few kids just a little, they might start to use more caution! It's a win/win, right?"

_I lean back against the wall. "What makes you think me scaring a few kids is going to change anything?"_

"They're not scared of anything, Pitch. They're not afraid to get hurt and they're not afraid of the consequences of hurting someone else! They just don't have fear anymore...but you can bring that back, right?"

 _I sigh. "Jack, the fear is gone. The kids aren't scared, I'm not even scared, and I'm just a ghost without a shadow now. I'm hardly even frightening at this point." Jack perked up, seeming to have a solution. "_...But, if we can get you some believers, you'll get your powers back, right? So, whadda' yah' say? Ready to team up and strike terror into the hearts of kids?"

_He watches me patiently. This is ridiculous! Of course I won't! I would never 'team up' with the Guardians, regardless of how weak I am._

_Then again, I could always wait until I've regained enough power and then betray them, right? 'Friends close, but enemies closer'? ...but they'll be expecting that. I'll have to be extremely cautious. If I pretend for a while until I'm strong enough to rebel, I could do it. This could work in my favor._

_"Alright."_

_Jack's eyes went wide as he openly gaped._ "What? Really? It's that easy? No strings attached, no conditions, nothing?" _I chuckle confidently. "Conditions? Not a bad idea to add that. How about, the condition that I don't need to talk to any other Guardians, and will only speak through you."_

 _Jack raised his eyebrow questioningly._ "Why?"

_"I hate them. Also, I imagine they wouldn't take...kindly to me, but they'll buy it as long as you're there to sugar-coat the situation for them." I reach out my hand for him to shake._

_Jack looks down at my hand and back to my face a couple times as he thought, before finally taking it and shaking on it._ "You've got a deal..." _He suddenly tugs me forward using our interlocked hands, pulling me down and only stopping when our faces were inches apart. "_...but if you betray us and break our deal, I will leave you to rot and disappear in that cage, you understand?"

* * *

 _"Of course. That is expected."_  Pitch couldn't help but take the opportunity to let his eyes wander down to how close their lips were. One tiny lean is all it would take.  Hardly anything. His eyes snapped back up to Jack's as quickly as he could, to avoid getting caught staring.

"Good." Jack spoke with an air of finality, but didn't move to let go of Pitch. He swallowed, his eyes wandering over Pitch's face before the dark spirit himself interrupted.  _"You're freezing my hand."_

Pitch grinned as he watched Jack get flustered and muttered some sort of half-apology as he let go of him. Standing up at full length, Pitch motioned Jack to the door.  _"You may want to go confront your...friends, Jack. I'm sure they'll all be simply delighted to hear you've decided to recruit the enemy into your little club."_


	7. Chapter 7

"Absolutely  _not._ " Pretty much everyone in the general vicinity, save Sandy and Jack, spoke in unison.

Jack had called a meeting with the other Guardians to tell them about his idea. It didn't look like this was going to be easy, but he expected that. He'd actually be rather weirded out if the Guardians just agreed to take Pitch in right off the bat.

"But why not?" Jack asked in the most innocent tone he could muster.

Bunnymund threw his paws into the air to make his point, "Are you crazy? The last time Pitch had any power, he destroyed my eggs, kidnapped Tooth's faeries, and nearly killed Sandy!" The sandman nodded with a frown on his face as Bunny continued, "You can't possibly think we can forget all that?"

Jack looked around pleadingly at the Guardians, checking each of their faces to see if even just one of them would be on his side, but no cigar. "Come on, guys. We don't need to trust him, I just need to...try something out! If you can just let him be like a-...a trial run Guardian...look, If Pitch is on our side, we don't need to worry about him going 'crazy fearling demon spawn' on us. It's a hunch, but I think he might have good in him."

Toothiana flew a bit closer as she began to respond. "Jack, I don't think you understand how it works. We can't just choose someone to be a guardian. They have to be chosen by the Man in the Moon."

North interjected, "See? Even if we wanted to help Pitch,"

"-Which we don't." Bunny added.

"-he cannot become a Guardian unless chosen by Man in Moon, so that's that. The discussion is over."

"But we need to protect the kids somehow!" Jack started to get angry. The kids should be their first priority, not some grudge the other Guardians held against Pitch.

"Yeah, and we _are_ protecting them, from Pitch. He's dangerous and it's not happening." Bunny scowled at Jack as they both began to argue, Toothiana getting distracted from the conversation as she hurriedly chirped orders at her mini-selves.

Jack took a couple steps closer to Bunnymund, glaring defiantly. "No matter how you wanna put it, the kids need fear and that's one thing none of us can do for them. They need Pitch. We need Pitch."

North was trying to break up the fight that was beginning to erupt between Jack and Bunny, and no one but Sandy seemed to notice that the moon was shining a very unique light into the room. The sandman tried to bring it to the attention of the other Guardians, but, as usual, they were so absorbed that they couldn't bother to look over at him.

Well, he'll just have to deal with it. The elves were more wary of him this time, so he conjured up some of his dreamsand to create images of ringing bells, staring pointedly at the little creatures until they got the point and a few of them nodded their heads back and forth in unison, quickly gaining the attention of the Guardians. He smiled appreciatively at the elves before looking up at the Guardians and pointing to the moonbeam that was slowly opening up a panel on the floor as they watched.

Jack jumped away from the beam in surprise, his eyes wide as a crystal was raised from the ground. "That's happening?"

Before anyone could reply, however, the crystal began projecting a blue light in the shape of, as anyone could guess it, Pitch.

The Guardians stayed silent as mice on Christmas Eve, none fully knowing how to react. Jack, on the other hand, simply raised an eyebrow at everyone's faces. "What?" The Guardians had never actually bothered to explain to him how exactly it was that the Man in the Moon chose Guardians, but he had a pretty good guess as to what this meant.

They all exchanged reluctant looks before they seemed to silently agree and North gave in. "Fine. If Man in Moon thinks Pitch can help save the children, we'll give him a chance." He gave Jack a stern look, "But only one chance. If he betrays you, we can't let him walk free. Pitch is too dangerous." Bunny nodded in wary agreement. "Don't let your guard down for even a second. You can't trust him."

"Of course," Jack gave a big, triumphant, toothy grin, the little tooth faeries nearby practically fainting in excitement. "I think I know what to do."

* * *

_Jack decided to take me back to my lair before he would talk with the other Guardians. Such a shame, I would have liked to have seen the looks on their faces. He said that the fearlings that were inside me are now locked in one of my cages, but I didn't really want to go see them right now. I think I'm starting to get used to being without them. Were it any other day, I would perhaps not be quite so accepting of it, I might've even tried to cling to the fearlings like a child would normally cling to their safety blanket when they see me, but right now my mind is very clear and unclouded by fear. I haven't had an unclouded thought like this in a very long time._

_Yet, still, here I am, staring at the cage filled with darkness as I wait for answers. This feels familiar, somehow._

_I don't like it._

_I don't like the deja vu that is washing over me as I notice something glint in the darkness of the cage. I squint to get a better look, finding that the shine was a tiny light reflection off the edge of an opened locket. I know that locket. That's my locket. It must have fallen out of my hand when Jack liberated me._

_I need to get it back._

_I shouldn't open the cage just yet. Jack isn't here. I need Jack to be here, I can't handle them on my own, I'm not strong enough. Why is Jack not here yet? I don't like being powerless and dependent on the assistance of... that boy. Perhaps I should just let myself get swallowed in darkness instead of waiting here for him like some dependent, lovesick puppy. I hate being weak. I hate that I want the locket badly enough that I'm going to wait here for frosty the snowman to come and protect me from my fears._

_This is disgusting. I am the King of Nightmares, not a dog. I don't need to be protected from my own fears._

_I stare down the locket that seems to be floating aimlessly in the darkness. I know better, though. That's not just darkness, and that locket is not just floating. It's taunting me. I can see the little girl in the opened locket._

_I certainly don't know who she is, but I have this odd tug at my chest. It's not a completely unfamiliar feeling. I can recall sometimes having woken up from a nightmare with this...remorseful after-effect. I was always too scared to look closely at it, but now the fear is gone. Without that fear, what's stopping me from finding out who she is? Why do I carry that locket with me? It's nearly laughable that I've had the locket for as long as I can remember, yet still never bothered to question it. Or rather, I specifically avoided questioning it. Jack would have laughed if he knew that I never even gave it a thought until he pointed it out to me._

_Something must have been keeping me from thinking about it. Some sort of mental block, perhaps. Set up by the fearlings, no doubt.  Just another thing they've taken from me._

_This feels so...different. I'm not familiar with being without the undertone of fear in the back of my mind. Is this how people normally feel? Dangerous things, emotions. They cause people to act rashly and without thought, and they come and go within minutes, soon to be replaced with new ones. How inconsistent. It's never bothered me before, but now that my feelings aren't all being practically smothered by fear, it's...powerful._

_These feelings are making me so weak. I can't control them. I can't control the shadows and I can't control myself._


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm done being powerless._

* * *

I got back to give Pitch the good news, but when I returned to the lair, there was no trace of Pitch anywhere. I thought maybe he was just keeping guard on the fearlings in the cage, but here I am at the cages and there's no sign of Pitch or the fearlings. The cages are all empty, including the one that I'd found Pitch in last time. "Pitch? I'm back! Where are you?"

A voice in the darkness. I don't know where it comes from.  _"I'm right here, Jack."_

I turn my head in an attempt to catch the moving shadow in the corner of my eye. Nothing there. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit spooked. Who knows what happened. Pitch might now be controlled by the fearlings again. If he is, I need to get out of here quick. "...real funny, Pitch. What happened? Where are the fearlings?"

A low chuckle echoing on the walls of the lair surrounding me.  _"Oh goodie, you're scared. How endearing. Well, something close to it anyway. I'm still getting used to my new...situation, so there might be a few challenges in identifying feelings again."_  Pitch came out from a shadow behind me and I spun around to face him, keeping my staff in front of my body protectively. "Hello, Jack."

I dropped my guard when I saw him. Pitch was...different. He seemed regal and...magnificent. I look him up and down. Nothing is actually different if I just go by his physical appearance, it's more like some sort of aura of strength in the way he held himself.

 _"Is there something on my face?"_  Pitch asked. Oh. I was staring. "Uh..no, I was just wondering why you seem so different, somehow."

_"Hmm, perhaps it was something I ate."_

* * *

_Jack was trying to hold back laughter. "_ 'Did you just tell a  _joke_? You don't even eat, you're the Bogeyman."

_I glared menacingly. Not that I was particularly annoyed (not any more than usual, anyway), but hopefully Jack couldn't tell I was faking it for the sake of seeming more threatening. "Perhaps not, but I did have a meal this evening. It fought till it's last breath."_

_Jack gave me an odd look. "'_ Fought till it's last breath'? What did you eat that was fighting for it's life? You didn't eat a live rabbit or anything, did you?" _He stuck his tongue out in a crude expression of disgust._

_I roll my eyes. Rabbit. What a thought. "No. I don't have a taste for hope. I find that I far prefer the taste of fear, or, in this case, fearlings."_

_I waited patiently as Jack took a moment to take it in. "_ What? You-...you ate the fearlings? You  **ate**  them." _He was dumbfounded. It was actually quite entertaining to to watch. "_ But if the fearlings are inside you,..why aren't you..-"

_"..-cowering in a corner, waiting for you to rescue me?" I finished for him. "They're easier to defeat now that there's so much less fear in the world to help them along. Interestingly, I'd rather die fighting them for myself than rely on the Guardians or you to help me."_

_I waited. Nothing. No remark or defensive comment about the Guardians or anything. That's odd, and a little bit worrying. He almost looks upset. Now he's smiling, but he still doesn't look like he's happy.  How does he manage to do that?_

_"_ Great! It looks like you've got things handled here. Go back to scaring children and striking terror in the hearts of all. Just don't get too ahead of yourself." _He grinned and laughed as he backed away. Why is he backing away from me? This isn't right. Without thinking, I reached out to grab his hand, stopping him from leaving._

 _He looked at me in surprise._ "...Pitch..?"

_"Where do you think you're going? Weren't you going to help me with my memories? Or..was that some sort of trick you used to try to get me to become a Guardian..?" To be honest, I'm not too concerned about my memories right now, despite what I said. I know where they are and how I might be able to access them and I'm really not going to open that door, but I was...well, I think I was...excited to show Jack everything I gained from winning against the fearlings. I have power now, but it's no use if I can't even show it off._

_Why do I even want him here? Before, it was just because I needed him to fight the fearlings, but now I know that I don't need him, so why? Why do I want him to stick around, still?_

* * *

Pitch Black is holding my hand, asking me to stay. Boy, if the Guardians could see this they would freak. I gave him a toothy grin. "'Course. I..uh, thought maybe you didn't want my help anymore, since now you're mister 'lord high and mighty spooky-pants' again." I scratched the back of my head with my free hand.

The Boogeyman scoffed and released my hand.  _"I don't need your help. I'm only using you because you are convenient."_

"Oh, you care so much about me, it's adorable. People will think you've gone soft."

_"Silence, Frost, or I will change my mind."_


	9. Chapter 9

Pitch has had the power to transport himself through shadows for a few days now, but still he's unable to scare kids. He suggested he use the technique of turning dream sand into nightmare sand, but Sandy wouldn't have it. Without something to found their fears, it was hard to get them to believe in him.

He's used to it. He's so used to it. Why does it hurt worse than ever when the children walk through him?

After some deliberation, he decided to consult Jack about it. Jack would understand, after all, they had the same worst fear. They were so different in so many ways, but they always had the similarity of their loneliness. They could both understand what it was like to be cast out.

Still, when he'd gone to Jack, he realized what it had been that was making this so horrible before he asked. Feelings, that's all it was. Nasty things, feelings.

He'd temporarily won over the darkness inside him, but the downside was that it gave him room to feel more emotions. Since then, he's experienced mostly unpleasant emotions with the occasional spark of amusement at Jack's antics. Of all the feelings he's felt, none have been as horribly strong as the devastation he only just now felt when a little girl he'd been trying to frighten walked right through him as she got up out of her bed to get a drink of water in the middle of the night.

How incredibly awful.

Just when he thought he was starting to spook her, too.

* * *

_I felt an icy hand on my shoulder, but I didn't move to look. I knew it was Jack. Who else would it be? Who else would care if someone walked through the Boogeyman?_

_Somehow, it felt nice. Jack's hand was as cold as death, but there was some comfort to be found in it. Regardless of how nice it felt, I have appearances to keep up. I can't just let him coddle me. "Hands off, Frost."_

_I waited for his hand to drop off my shoulder and the nice feeling to fade away, but something happened instead that I did not expect. He turned me toward him and I raised my eyes from the ground. He's looking at me very strangely. If I didn't think the idea was absolute nonsense, I would think that he looks sad._

* * *

Jack had been intending to let go of Pitch, but something stopped him from doing that when he heard Pitch tell him to let go.

That something that stopped him was the sound of his voice. In Jack's mind, it was likened to a frightened animal growling in hopes that it would help the situation. For this reason, Jack knew exactly what he was feeling. It was the same thing he'd felt every time he thought he had a chance at someone seeing him, and then having them walk straight through him. It was the same feeling that made him sometimes want to just stop existing.

When he'd turned Pitch to look at him, he could see it. Pitch wasn't one for crying, and no tears fell, but he was as close to it as he could get. He looked devastated and confused. Jack couldn't just keep watching him like that. It was like looking into a really twisted and dark funhouse mirror. He couldn't stand it. In that moment, he wanted to do so many things for Pitch. Help him, comfort him, hug him, make everyone believe in him, but he couldn't do any of those things. Well, he supposed he could try to hug Pitch, but he imagined that would cause more problems than it would solve.

So, instead, he just left. He could feel that if he saw Pitch like that for any longer, he, himself, would break down, and that wasn't what Pitch needed to see right now.

* * *

_After staring at me for a while, Jack just up and left. What a moody little brat. I left not long after, not wanting to stick around the kid and get ignored any more. I exited through the shadows and returned to my lair, looking up at the empty cages hanging from above. This was going to be a long night._

* * *

_\- I wandered through the village, occasionally looking up at the laughing moon. Jack was here, somewhere, and I was looking for him. The village was crowded, and everyone was looking at me, their faces featureless, yet somehow menacing. I tried to avoid them, but people would come specifically to me and walk through me, just so they could see me suffer. Some of the faces weren't featureless. Some of them were Guardians. Sandy walked through me more than once. Fair enough, I suppose._

_That's fine. I can handle it. It's always been me and this village. There has never been anything different. But wait, what about Jack? Something different did happen once, didn't it?_

_Jack appeared in the crowd. I assured myself that it would be okay, that Jack wouldn't walk through me, but the dread of what was to come didn't go away. My fear soon created reality as his body phased through mine and he headed toward the other Guardians. I can't take this.  Every emotion is heightened, and I feel the bitter sting of betrayal start to seep into my being before it is suddenly and harshly interrupted._

_Jack's arms were around me and his head was pressed to my chest. He could see me. What changed? I relaxed a bit, ruffling his snowy hair fondly. I can stay like this for just a little bit longer. I can just pull him just a little closer. He sees me. I'm not alone. -_

_I awoke from my dream slowly, blinking my eyes in a daze.  The end of that dream was odd.  Not nightmarish at all.  I try to move on and take in the sight before me._

_Jack was swinging from the cages above me like they were monkey bars at a playground. I sit up, noticing an opened yellow bottle laying on the ground in front of me._

_Jack had noticed I was awake, and came flying down, grabbing the bottle before I could pick it up to inspect it._

"Sorry, nope. I'm under strict orders from Sandy not to let you touch this stuff."

_I looked at him questioningly as I smoothed my hair back to get the stray strands out of my face. "And since when did you start following orders? The Guardians train you to roll over and play dead, too?"_

"Around the same time I realized that following the rules would get on your nerves. Besides, I don't have to play to be dead.  _" He gave me a charming grin, knowing that his smugness would bug me. Cocky brat. "What did you hope to accomplish by bringing dream sand here?"_

 _Jack's expression went from smug to concerned in record time. "_ You haven't stopped having nightmares, Pitch. It's getting out of hand. I thought maybe this would help." _I scoffed. How disgustingly sweet of him. "I'm the king of nightmares, if you hadn't noticed. I do that. Nightmares are my trade, and I'm used to them. You have no right to use dream sand to sneak into my nightmares and show up in them like some kind of hero. I can handle them on my own, and I don't need you."_

 _Jack looked at me in surprise, as if he didn't know exactly what happened in the dream. Maybe he didn't. _"You were dreaming about me? That would almost be a little touching if it wasn't you." _Oh, that impudent little- "_ I don't even know how to invade dreams, Pitch. I'm not you or the Sandman. Even if I wanted to get into your dreams, I couldn't. You can rest easy knowing that whatever dream you had was entirely yours."

 _I shouldn't have told him. I don't know why I did that. Now he'll get a bigger head._ "...Although, if you were dreaming about me, I must admit I am curious. What kind of dream was it?"

 _I won't answer him. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was the only one who could calm me down during a dream like that. Unfortunately for me, he took my silence to mean more than it was. "_ You're so quiet, don't tell me it was a perverted dream or something?" _It wasn't perverted, but I'd rather let you think that than allow you to realize just how much your help meant to me._

 _I stay quiet and take a step back as he steps forward, his eyes widening in curiosity. "_ Really?! You, the boogeyman, had a wet dream, oh this is priceless, just wait till I tell Bunny-..." _His sentence was suddenly halted as he no doubt realized that if he was indeed in my dream, it would have to mean that he was involved. Slow on the uptake._

 _That made him take a step back. Good thing he did, too, or I might have ended up strangling him. I glared at him, practically daring him to finish his sentence. Oh, just go on. I'd love to hear about you telling Bunnymund about my supposed 'perverted' dream about you. "_ Uh.. I'm just gonn-. um."

_In all of the the honesty that I will never admit to having, Jack was, dare I think it, endearing in this moment. He was getting all squirmy and uncomfortable and it was quite a change from his usual 'you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man~' attitude._

_Jack left my lair moments later in an embarrassed wreck. Perhaps today was a good day, after all._


	10. Chapter 10

_Another nightmare._

 

 

_Not an actual one, this time. This kind is worse, the kind that has nothing to do with dreams- the kind that happens when, unsuccessfully, I try to frighten a child who thought there might be a monster under his bed. Something as simple and easy as that- a child who already has the beginnings of fear in his heart, already the idea of something in the dark to be feared is planted- yet here I am, unable to give him a proper bad dream._

_This is my own nightmare. Perhaps it is not truly the worst nightmare amongst the many I have had recently, but it is nonetheless terrible._

_I'm done with this. I'm going back to my lair where there are no people left to mock me with their lack of fright._

_...or rather, apparently, where there are less people. As I arrive, I notice the faint but definitely telling chill in the air. Jack is in here, somewhere. I should've known, he always seems to show up at the worst of times. "Jack. What do you want now?"_

_Said Frost spirit rounded the corner and came into view, smiling when he saw me._ "I have an idea."

_I only roll my eyes at this. I have not liked any of his ideas so far. He's not been even the least bit helpful. "That's very nice, Jack. Get out of my lair. I'm not in the mood for your snowballs and fun times. Please, let the broken bed frame hit you on your way out." Jack raised his eyebrow at me._ "Uh-huh. Pitch, have you...ever been in the mood for me?"

_"I have not." He's not planning on leaving. It's written all over his face that he's going to refuse to go until he tells me his new idea on how to further humiliate me. I just used my shadow transport, so I don't have enough power to move him out of here right now. Not enough fear for that."Fine. Obviously, you're going to tell me whether or not I'd like to hear it, so let's just get it over with, shall we?"_

"Well, I think it's better to just show you..."

_Show me? If I let him do that without questions asked, he'd somehow manage to do the worst conceivable thing. "No."_

_"_ Whatever you say, scrooge. Y'know, maybe you just need a little boost to help you get back on your feet. Like, maybe if the kids you were trying for were already a little scared, or..."

_"No." I interrupted. I don't want to hear any more of this. I just tried that and it did absolutely nothing. I'm done. If I could, I would slip myself into the shadows, but I'm just too exhausted. More exhausted than I should feel. "_ Why not? We gotta try something-" _"Just no, Jack. Stop trying."_

_Jack looks really...put down. Like he was just told his puppy got run over by a truck. It's pathetic, he doesn't even have a puppy. He's not even scared, just upset._ "Look, Pitch, I'm only doing what I can to help. There are kids out there who need you. Time is running out. The longer it takes for you to regain your strength, the more children there are who could be getting hurt any second. If you could just-"

_"What do I care about the children? They can't even see me! Even when they could see me, I was one to strike terror in their hearts, not exactly protect them. I can't help kids, I can't even protect myself from the fearlings, from the guardians, from you. They don't want fear, Jack. They want fun and hopes and dreams. I have no place."_

* * *

No place? Pitch has no place in the lives of children? Am I even hearing correctly? That's just about one of the most ridiculous things I've heard for at least two hundred years, if not longer. I almost want to laugh, but in truth, seeing the look on Pitch's face that shows that he truly believes this...it just pisses me off. During the three hundred years that I was unseen and unknown by most, I would listen in on the stories that children would latch on to, and guess who I heard about almost every night? Not the Easter Bunny, not Santa, not the Sandman, not even the Tooth Faerie. No. It was all about the mysterious and terrifying Bogeyman.

The Bogeyman, whose features would change depending on what the kid was most afraid of. The Bogeyman that would show up in so many stories to frighten naughty kids into being good.

The Bogeyman. Employees who work in haunted mansions dress up as him around this time of year to give kids a good scare. That's it. That's him.

I glare directly into Pitch's bright golden eyes in determination and a little bit of anger mixed in. "You don't have to protect yourself. Not from me, anyway. If I was gonna do that, I would've done it a while ago, trust me, I had plenty of chances."

He's coming with me. It's decided. He needs to see this. He's too weak to use his powers to escape right now and it's so plainly obvious that even I've noticed the lack of dark shadows surrounding his form. In fact, I can see him more clearly than I've ever seen him before. Every time I've seen him, his body has always just seemed so dark and...vague. Like a shadow was cast over it and you'd have to look hard to distinguish things, but right now he seems so much more...human. Rather than a monster in the night, he's more like a sorta regular guy. Well, except for the grey skin and a really... **really** low v-neck. Wow, that goes low. Does it ever end?

I shake my head a little at my thought and go back to the glaring. That was getting kinda weird. I don't know where those thoughts were going, but wherever it was, it certainly was not somewhere they should be going. Why would I care how low his v-neck goes?

_"Are you quite finished trying to figure out whether or not I'm wearing pants under my robe, or do you need to do a bit more staring first?"_

"I- I wasn't trying to- I- What?" No, no. I can't let him get under my skin like this. I need to help him. That's all I need to do. There are children who need both of us right now, and they're more important than this...uncomfortable subject. Before he has a chance to say anything more about that awkward splutter of mine, I interrupt his gathered breath. This is vital. I can't be distracted.

"You're going to come with me, Pitch. You're going to come with me, because even if you don't care about the children, I do, and I am going to help you help them whether you want me to or not. I see you can't use your powers right now, but uh, if you haven't noticed-  **I**  can. And I will use them if you don't do everything you can to help those kids out there. They are in danger, Pitch. Real danger. Because of you."

I take a couple steps closer to Pitch. I am not afraid of him, and I don't need to be. I am going to make my point clear.

"Don't think for one second that I'm not gonna do everything-  **everything**  in my power to help those kids. They are my friends. You are coming with me, right now." Now, I know Pitch would probably try to call this as a bluff-despite the fact that it's not a bluff-, I don't have time to prove that to him at the moment, so I do what I can do. I use the crook of my staff to grab him and pull him along with me into the air, bursting out of the hole in the ground and into the great, big, star-filled night sky before Pitch could even realize what has happened.

He's struggling and making demands that I put him down, which is really annoying considering that he's much larger and has more strength than I, but my good old friend -the wind- is not going to be setting us down until we get to where I'm trying to go.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, there's been a time skip. Don't worry, It'll flash back later to what happened at the Haunted Mansion. Also: warning, there's kidnapping and attempted underage molestation in this chapter. I put it in the tags, but I may as well warn you here as well because that's awful stuff.

_Jack is late. He was supposed to be here two hours ago. At this rate, the sun's going to rise and the kid was going to wake up before we even got the chance to try and scare her._

_I could just give the kid a nightmare. I don't need Jack here to approve my work. Right? No. Jack said that the Guardians laid down rules about my scaring habits and I'm not supposed to give anyone nightmares without a Guardian present in case anything went wrong. I have to wait for him._

_What have I come to? Hiding under a bed, waiting for a Guardian to come help me do my job? This is ridiculous and humiliating. I'm leaving. I slip through the shadows and arrive at the frozen lake in Burgess. It's a little early in the year for it to still be frozen, but Jack stays here whenever he can manage._

_I look around, hoping to catch the frost spirit playing hooky, but the area is as still and quiet as my lair. That's...new._

_Looks like I'll have to actually go searching for the brat. Fine. It shouldn't be so hard. I can read that boy like an open book, so I can take a guess. He could easily be at the house of that boy- his first believer. I would never forget where that kid lives, my most recent downfall was his fault. I slip through the shadows once more, this time apperating in a loud neighborhood. There are bright, colorful lights of red and blue flashing in my face. How annoying._

_I get closer to listen to what the officer in front of the boy's house is saying._

_"_ I'm sorry ma'm, we're getting a search party together. Do you have any idea where or why he might have gone? Anything he might have said, or someone he might run to?" _The mother in front of the officer clutched her child closer to her chest, tears in her eyes. The fear of a mother wanting for her child's safety. Less appealing than a child's nightmare, but it's still something that I can feel my powers clinging to and leaching off of."_ No. Sophie woke me up and told me that Jamie hadn't come back from looking for trolls. I-I don't know what was going through his mind to make him leave the house at this hour-" _The lady's sobs were interrupted by the little blonde girl who didn't seem worried at all._

"S'okay. Jack'll fine 'em." _She stated sleepily. The officer looked at the mother questioningly._ "Jack?"

"I'm sorry, don't listen to her. She thinks that Jack Frost is looking for him. Look, just please, I need you to find my Jamie. He must be so scared- It's dangerous to be out at night-"

_I've heard enough. It's obvious that Jack backed out of our deal in favor of running off to play with his first believer in the middle of the night. I don't need him anyway. In fact, I'm going to find Jack and tell him that I don't care for his half-hearted help. I can scare just fine without his assistance or support. I'll scare little Jamie so bad that he won't leave the comfort of his bed for days._

_I reach into the shadows and soon become them. I would have done this sooner were it not for the fact that after this, I won't be able to use my power for a while. I can see everything the shadows see, feel everything they feel, and sense everyone who lurks in the darkness._

_Ugh. There are so many unsavory things that go on in the dark. Shadows are meant to hide the creatures of the night and the horrible things that they do, and this is why there is always a fear of the dark. Some things are not meant to be seen. Such unpleasant actions give good reason to be frightened. There are reasons that I don't do this often._

_There he is. I can feel Jack's presence, I disconnect from the shadows of the world and find myself in a warehouse of sorts. That's not exactly what I was expecting. If the sight before me was anything to go by, Jack and Jamie had certainly not come here to play in the snow._

_The fearlings inside me are practically ecstatic at the overwhelming scent of forced fear in the air. Jack is terrified. Jamie is, too. Their fear is so intoxicating that I feel the fearlings clawing at me, trying to become me so they can feed on it. I haven't felt this strong in a while, and I would want to simply stand there and bask in it were it not for something else calling for my attention._

_The two I had come for were tightly roped to chairs, their backs up against each other. Jack had cuts all over his face, but not a single drop of blood came out. His blood was too frozen to fall out. Jamie has a cut or two as well, along with a bruise forming on a part of his arm that's been exposed by the position. I can feel Jack's fear seep through me, his terror can be felt and smelled from a mile away. Right now, there is nothing that terrifies him more than the prospect of them killing or hurting Jamie._

_...Them?_

_Jamie is is less scared. There's a dull, mute sort of feeling to it, leaving it unreadable. It's like he knows he should be absolutely terrified, but is honestly not overly concerned with the idea of dying. Disgusting. He should treat life with a little more respect, that impudent little brat should be scared out of his wits. This whole situation is revolting and a little insulting. This terror has a foul taste that makes it more difficult for me to fight the fearlings._

_Jack notices my presence and tries to say something, but anything he might have said is muffled into a gurgle by the cloth that gags him. Jamie looks in my direction, but he obviously can't see me. He looks through me._

_I only got here seconds ago, and all I can really think about is that stench in the air. This kind of fear is just...not right. Not good. It's wrong, I can't stand it. Before I manage to gather my thoughts and realize the situation, I hear keys jingling from behind me and my instinct kicks in. I slip into the shadows and for all the world it seems I was never there._

_Two men enter the room, both of them first looking toward Jaime, then to Jack. How can they see Jack? They're adults, this is- this is **wrong** \- this is so wrong. How can this be happening? How can they believe in him? I don't understand._

_There it is. I've seen it in my shadows. I've seen it time and again. I tried to not think about it. I always distracted myself and my goals of being seen._

_If I had given Jamie more nightmares and scared him enough, he would have been too fearful of what lurks in the dark to leave the house late at night. He should have given more care. He would have, if I had enough power to frighten him._

_The men take off both the boys' gags. "_ How about it? Which one goes first, you or the kid?" _One of the men looks to Jack._

"Me." _The ice spirit replied confidently. "_ Take me first."

_No. Jack doesn't know. He doesn't understand. He can't see it on their faces. They're not going to kill him, they're going to-_

_They've detached Jack from the chair and thrown him to the ground now. The taller man was crawling on top of him and Jack's restraints weren't letting him do anything but freeze the ropes around his wrists and make it more impossible to escape. He's helpless. I have to do something. I can't just stand here. Jack may be a brat whom I would very much like to strangle later, but this is far worse than that._

_I can't let this happen. "Jack." I speak loudly and with a firmness I haven't had in a while. The men don't hear me. Jamie doesn't hear me. Only Jack, whose head turns toward me in terror. They're touching him._

_I finally manage to get out of my state of frozen shock and move, doing the first thing that came to mind and transported both Jack and Jamie away using my shadows. I'm lucky they were both so scared, or I wouldn't have been able to do that._

_But now I'm still here. I can't travel by shadow, I don't have enough fear. Still, perhaps I could have a little fun here. The men were confused, angry, and frustrated that their playthings had gone away. There was a slight sense of fear at the unknown power that had taken their prey, but I think I can do better. They still can't see me, but they know something is in the darkness and they're scared enough for me to manipulate the shadows just a bit- just enough to let them see things and hear things that aren't really there._

_I watched as they both scream out in terror and I walk closer to them and out of the shadows. They might not enjoy this much, but this was my favorite part. This is the part where I remind them of every horrifying experience they have ever had, and they have nowhere to run this time._

* * *

Jack awoke in Pitch's lair with Jamie right beside him. They were still both bound, but Jamie's bonds were loosened because of the sudden disappearance of the chair he'd been tied to, and he eventually wiggled out of it and took his gag off, helping Jack get out of his ropes as well.

Neither of them said anything. They weren't ready.


	12. Chapter 12

**-two weeks ago-**

_Jack Frost._

_I don't know why I ever thought it would be a good idea to team up with this brat. In the middle of our most enjoyable argument, he grabbed me and dragged me down to some city a couple of hours away from my lair. I am the bogeyman. This is humiliating._

_"How can you possibly believe that watching a group of kids walk into a haunted house is going to help get my powers back?" I don't bother glaring at him anymore. He doesn't even blink at my question and simply walks closer to the edge of the roof, sitting on the railing._ "I don't. Well, not really. I just want you to see that alright, sure, fear is resented a lot of the time- but that doesn't mean that everyone totally despises it. That might have been the thing like a couple thousand years ago during the dark ages, but if you haven't noticed, things have changed. People have changed. Some people like being scared."

_I sit next to him, just so that he can see the scrutinizing look I'm sending his way. "Why would anyone like fear?"_

_He turns to look at me like I'm the crazy one here._ "This, coming from you? You tell me, Pitch. Why do you like fear?"

_Because it distracts me from everything else that I don't want to think about. Because it makes me powerful. Because when I'm lost in it, I don't have to worry about pesky memories resurfacing. Because it has a delicious scent. Fear gives me an escape that I can eternally hide in- where I can be the most frightened one in all the worlds, yet appear to be the one in control of it all. I hate fear. I love fear. It makes me strong, but it makes me so weak. It gives me the power to run away, but it is the very thing that makes me want to run away in the first place._

_After a little while of silence, I finally respond. "I don't."_

_Jack looks like we wants to say something, but holds himself back from that particular sentence._ "Almost midnight. It's show time. Come with me, Pitch." _He jumps down the building and onto the ground, running into the haunted house across the street and not bothering to make sure I'm following._

_I could just walk away. I don't have to humor him, in fact, I don't even want to._

_But...he dragged me all the way out here for it. It'll take me quite a while to get back to my lair on my own, and it would be easier to just go inside the stupid mansion and demand that Jack brings me back. It's not a big deal. I hop down, following him into the darkness of the mansion._

_I can smell fear, but it's a bit dulled, like it's just starting out. The mansion has all sorts of things that I recognize as the very monsters that so many children fear. Although this is nothing to my night mares, I admit, I am a bit impressed by the level of work and research on fear the people who run this must have done in order to achieve this. It doesn't take long for me to catch up to Jack, who doesn't seem fazed by the screaming terrified teenagers or the supposedly terrifying things all around us as we walk through the halls and rooms._

_The fear is getting a lot more intense, and it's very...interesting. It doesn't feel like the fear I'm used to. It's somehow...more light, and exciting. What an odd combination. To have excitement mixed in with fear. Still, it's not unpleasant at all. In fact, there's something very nice about it. It's equally strong to the kinds of fear that I'm used to, but there's something missing from it that's been replaced with excitement. What is it?_

_Dread. Normally, there's so much dread tied in with all kinds of fear. Dread is something that makes the fear come back even when you thought your moment of terror was over._

_But this is different. This fear...it's a wonderful burst of darkness that isn't going to last, but is nonetheless...beautiful. This will linger for maybe an hour, and might come back during a dark moment or two when they're alone at night, but it's, in it's essence, completely harmless. It is fear and adrenaline without that taint of dread that haunts constantly. This is nothing like the anxious fear of being forgotten._

_This is the pure fear of the dark and what lurks in it. The fear that the big, bad, bogeyman just might exist and come after you for being bad. This is true fear, and it's...it's...the fear that I like._

"...Pitch? You...alright?"

_I look up at Jack and realize that I've fallen to my knees. It was just a bit overwhelming is all. "I'm fine, Jack. This-" I stand up and put my hand on his shoulder, shadow-transporting us both directly back to my lair. "-was just was I needed."_

_** -end- ** _

* * *

It's easy to forget that nightmares and ghouls aren't the only things to be afraid of in the dark of the night. It's easy to forget that sometimes the real monsters live inside regular people.

I am never going to forget that again. I don't think Jamie will, either.

I look over to him. He's sitting a few feet away from me, on the stone bridge railing. He doesn't look afraid, just...emotionally withdrawn. I don't blame him. I don't feel very talkative, either. The ropes are still on the ground- the evidence of what just transpired, keeping us from forgetting and pretending it didn't happen.

Those men hardly even put their hands on me before Pitch saved us, but I still feel them there, holding me down. I don't have my staff. They took it when they took me. I feel so weak and powerless, but I should be used to that by now.

What happened to the men? Why didn't Pitch come back with us? Are those guys gonna keep kidnapping kids? How could they see me? So many questions that I can use to distract myself from feeling those creeps on my skin. Adults have had too much time for corruption in their hearts, so while there's one every now and then who still believes, this is just ridiculous. Two pedophiles believing in the Guardians enough to see me? This is so screwed up.

_"Stop fretting, Frost. I've managed to give them bad enough nightmares to last them both. I doubt they'll even function as vegetables they're so terrified at this point."_

Though initially startled by the sudden noise in the quiet cave, I don't bother to look up. I don't think I want Pitch to see my face right now, and as long as I keep my head down and my hood low, he won't be able to. Not very well, anyway.

I hear some shuffling next to me and find that Jamie is gone.

Panicking for a moment, I let myself look to Pitch, only to find him smirking. " _Fear looks good on you, you should give into it more often. Little Jamie is back in his bed, Jack."_  I calm myself down. Jamie is fine. I'm less fine, but I'd rather avoid us coming to that subject. I notice him eyeing the gash in my cheek, but I speak before he can say anything about it. "I know you got your powers back and all, but scaring bad people takes you literally no effort and you're no better at scaring actual kids than you were like five weeks ago."

_"Yes. I'm aware."_

"My point is, Pitch, you need your memories to move on, just like I did..-" Pitch was once a good man. If he remembers that, then maybe, just maybe he can-

_"No. I don't want to remember. There are some things that are better off forgotten. After what you just experienced, I would think that you'd understand."_

"Shut up." I practically snarled at him. I do know that. I know. I know that it feels to him...to me, that it will never be something that I can face. In fact, I'm a hypocrite, because even knowing this, I'm still running from it, but- Pitch has run for thousands of years. There comes a point when the running needs to stop and you have to turn around and face your fears.

"What are you so afraid of?"

" _I remember **enough** , Frost! I don't need to recall being young and foolish when I have plenty of that right in front of me. I don't want to remember, so just leave me alone!"_ He says that, but he was the one who wanted me to stay and help in the first place. "Right. Because that's always worked out so well in the past. Just avoid your problems- tiptoe around them like you're walking on thin ice. That ice is going to break some time if you don't get off of it."

" _Yes, Jack, and you know all about this subject, don't you? You've been using your powers and your guardianship to support your running so you don't slip off and lose yourself, but you've been on thin ice for hundreds of years as well. You're so afraid of being alone, but you still bring up this subject in the first place so you can avoid telling me how you got in that situation in the first place, leaving me in the dark."_

No. I don't want to talk about that because I don't want to think about it...

But he's right. I'm doing the same thing he's doing. I'm avoiding thinking about my problems by focusing on his problem. This argument is going to get us nowhere if one of us doesn't state the obvious. The children of this world need Pitch. Pitch needs to remember, or he can't help them. I need to face my problems, or I can't help Pitch. This has to start with me getting myself together, because there is too much at stake here for me to run and hide.

"Well maybe we should both learn how to swim."

Pitch gave me a look and I rolled my eyes. "Metaphorically. We both have something to face, but I... I might need your help. If that's okay."

_"Fine. I will help you with anything you need, but when I start to recover my memory, you are not to speak about it with anyone, even talk to me excessively about it, or leave this lair without my express permission. Is that understood?"_

I nod in agreement.

I don't think this is going to be very fun, but it needs to be done.


	13. Chapter 13

Pitch isn't the only one who has walked through darkness. I think he recognizes that, and I think that's why he wants me to stay here with him.

Hey, it can't be that surprising, can it? I mean, you spend enough time alone, and anyone'd become desperate, right? We all have our dark moments. Even us Guardians.

 _"Sitting around and thinking about it isn't going to do the trick to jog my memory, Jack. I need sand."_  He looks at me expectantly, holding out his hand. I stare in mild confusion. "What? You think I'm going to be carrying around that stuff? No way. I don't have nightmare sand. Why the heck would I have that? No, actually, why would that even help?" Pitch sighs and clasps his hands behind his back.  _"It's been another week of doing it your way and trying to recover my memories through prolonged staring at this blasted locket and contemplating my past. Not a single piece of my previous self has been recovered. Either we could give up on this ridiculous goose chase or we can try it my way. Hand over the dream sand and I can turn it into nightmare sand. At least that much I should be able to do."_

I do still have that dream sand that Sandy gave me to help Pitch with his nightmares, but I don't think Sandy would be cool with Pitch using his dream sand for nightmares... then again... this is ultimately for the kids. Use the sand to somehow get Pitch's memories back, Pitch becomes the bogeyman again, he saves the kids, right? "What are you gonna do with it?"

He rolls his eyes.  _"Once transformed into nightmare sand, I can use it as we sleep. I should be able to manipulate it enough to command it to dig into the subconscious and reach for any unpleasant memories either of us may be suppressing, recreating them and showing them to us in the form of nightmares. The problem is, if the actual memory isn't bad enough, it might alter it a bit in order to make it more personally terrifying. You'd have to sort through the true memories and the parts that were artificially created because of fear. We'd have to find a way to fix that bit."_

"Fine." I reach into my hoodie to grab the bottle, tossing it to Pitch. "But don't go too crazy with it. This is for what we're doing here only, not for making nightmare spiders or whatever else you might get the urge to create with that stuff. Got it?" Sandy's gonna be pissed. Well, maybe he wouldn't be, since it's for the kids ultimately... I don't know. I don't think I wanna get on his bad side. "And...don't tell Sandy."

* * *

"So..how exactly is this gonna work again? Detail. I'd rather not get caught off-guard by some awful side effect or something."

_I sigh. I hate having to explain tedious things like this. "Nightmare sand, like dream sand, reaches into your subconscious to gather up information about your life and uses it to create the dream and sets the mood. Thoughts usually then take some amount of control of it, giving it motion. The problem, of course, would be that Sandy's dreams focus too much on the light and cheery parts for what we're trying to conduct here, and my nightmares would twist the actual memories to make them far more terrible than they actually were. With this-" I hold up the bottle of sand. "-...sand that is only partially converted into nightmare sand, we should end up with something more neutral."_

" **'Should'**? You...you haven't tried this before."

_"Of course not. The mixture of nightmares and good dreams degrades what I do. It's insulting. There is no other circumstance in which I would lower myself to such a thing. Besides, I don't even know if it will work. This...hybrid dream sand could be a disaster."_

"So...ya wanna just take it yourself and I can watch over you just in case something happens and you need me to break you out of it?"  _Oh, no, he is not going to get himself out of this. It's his fault I have to do this in the first place, there's no way I'm not going to make him suffer these deformed dreams too._

_"No. If something does happen, you wouldn't be of any help anyway."_

"Alright, alright...so what's up with the sleeping arrangements?"  _He sat down on the bed, his light clothes and white hair a huge contrast to the dark sheets._  " _What about it?" He began to fidget with one of the pillows, his gaze not meeting mine._  "W-Why do we have to sleep in the same bed?"

 _All this uncertainty surrounding what might happen in the dreams, and he's worried about what? "If we're going to be doing this at the same time -which, we **will-** , then the sand needs to be able to reach both of us. Is that going to be a problem?"_  _I smirk and hover over him a bit. He's gotta be pretty scared to be voicing his concerns to me. "Too frightened to sleep near the bogeyman, perhaps?"_

"I'm not scared!"

_"Then what?"_

"Nothing. Nevermind. Let's just do this."

* * *

I'm asleep. Or, at least, I think I'm asleep. I know that Pitch is asleep. We're both laying on his huge creaky bed with the bottle of hopefully neutral sand between us.

Well, we were, anyway. That's why I'm pretty sure I'm asleep- because I'm not where I was. I'm in the complete darkness and I'm standing up, and I feel like there's something or someone watching my every move, judging. Like the man in the moon. He's always there, always watching, judging, pretending to ignore me.

"That's not true. You never thought about it like that." A voice? Is that...my sister?

"Sera?" I take a few steps forward, hoping for an answer. There is none.

It feels like I've been sitting here doing nothing in this darkness for a long time.

Y'know, sometimes I can't tell if I'm imagining things and making it feel like a memory or actually remembering something I had previously forgotten about. Imagination can do quite a number on memories. What even defines a memory? A mental impression of something that's in the past? If that's the case, dreams are very similar to memories. Dreams gather up all the stuff you and your subconscious mind have seen, learned,and thought about, and then it jumbles it all up to make something- a story, a world, an insight to a problem you're having, what have you...dreams are like memories, except they don't need to follow the linear path of when this or that thing happened and what the context originally was. Dreams are like chaotic, rearranged memories. Well, that's what I think mine are kinda like sometimes.

Thoughts also impact dreams. You can be having a perfectly normal dream when you have the thought that something awful could happen, and as soon as that thought crosses your mind, it becomes the truth of that dream. After all, your mind is what dreams stem from, so dreams, if you're coherent enough to do this, can be directed through simply having the right thoughts and feelings.

The problem is that all these connections can make it difficult to tell the difference between thoughts, imagination, dreams, and memories. It's especially difficult when nightmare sand is pulling memories, feelings and thoughts directly from my subconscious mind and using it as fuel for the particular dream that I'm experiencing. Most of the time, when I'm dreaming, I don't remember that the last thing I did was fall asleep, but I might remember other things that are seemingly completely random. I do remember laying in bed with Pitch, and I remember having some argument about the sleeping arrangement, but I don't remember falling asleep. Dreams can be so selective about which parts of your life you can remember experiencing while you're in them.

"Focus, Jack." That voice again.

"Sera, are you in here?" No, wait. She isn't here. I'm dreaming, so she's...what? Just a manifestation of my memories? The voice of my subconscious?

Either way, she's right. I need to focus. So far, all I've been doing is thinking in the darkness with the occasional blurry image appearing to match my thoughts. Hardly revolutionary.

Now, this image is in front of me, and it's hard to tell if its a memory that the sand is showing me, my imagination guiding the dream, my thoughts, or my fear merging with the nightmare sand. Maybe it's everything.

"Face your fear."

The only thing I can see right now is Jamie's body lying on the floor. I don't know what happened. I don't remember exactly, and I don't know if this is memory or dream, but I feel like...I could have done something. I could have saved him, I could have frozen the men who were hurting him. I couldn't move. Jamie's body is covered in blood, it's...wait..no. That's not Jamie anymore. That's...that's my sister. What happened? I thought I saved her. Oh god. I don't know what happened to her after I died. Did she get home safe? She must have, but...so many years have passed. My fun little sister, trying on her new ice skates...but she's dead now. I should have been there with her growing up, but it's too late.

The image has faded. I'm glad I don't have to look at it anymore.

I can feel something all around me. Whatever has been watching me isn't just watching anymore. I feel it. I feel them. They're- no. The darkness. There's nothing in this darkness, but I can still feel something there, reaching out for me, touching me. It's those men- the kidnappers. I can't see them but I know they're there. Stop. Don't think about it.

Just like that, it isn't happening anymore. Not to me. Well, at least, not this version of me. I'm no longer in the darkness, instead, I'm in the warehouse. I can see the kidnappers, and I can see myself and they're touching him. Me. I could have shoved that guy off me, I should've been strong enough, but I wasn't. In the face of that horrible adult, even though I had the power to freeze them both, I was the one who was frozen. I don't need to look at this anymore. They're not really here right now. I don't have to worry about them. Don't panic or this could become a full-blown nightmare. What matters is now. I turn my back on my past self and face into the darkness. That isn't the only thing I have to face, and I know it.

The moon is shining above me, but there is no sky in the darkness. I don't need to understand.

"I already served my purpose. I did what I could to help defeat Pitch Black, isn't that why you brought me here, manny? You put me here, but you have no idea what to do with me now, do you? That's why you sent me on this crazy mission to help the same jerk I tried to defeat. Is that all I am? Someone who's here just so that you can manipulate Pitch one way or the other depending on your mood? I'm not gonna be some puppet. Pitch is a person and he deserves better than constant manipulation, and you know what? I do too."

...I do, don't I?

"Jack, do you remember that day? When you ran away?"

What? But...I never ran away from home. What's she talking about? The darkness around me is transforming, changing form. It's turning white. Snow.

No. I'm wrong. I do deserve to be tossed around and used as a puppet. I've done awful things. I remember and I can see it plain before my eyes now. I'm surrounded by a snowy mountain during a storm that I caused, and I can just barely see a car in the distance. No one sees me, but everyone sees my storms. I fly closer, and now I see the car clearly. There's just one man in the car, and he obviously doesn't like my snow.

He just doesn't understand how fun ice can be. He needs to understand, I have to make him understand. No one understands, but I will do everything I can and they will see me and they won't walk through me anymore. I stand in front of the car, but it zips right through me. In my rush of frustration, I've frosted up the road, and the storm has gotten worse. Much worse. I see the car slipping a bit as it makes its next turn, but it's fine as far as I can see. The wind is getting stronger, colder. Screw that guy. I don't want a stupid adult to see me, anyway.

"You're lying to yourself."

I am. I do want him to see me. I need him to see me. I fly around the bend to chase after the car, but only just in time to witness something horrible. The car has already slipped on the ice and is out of control, it's skidding and now it's off the mountain before the man could do anything about it. It's my fault.  _My_  ice caused that. I did something that I have regretted for about a hundred years now. I ran. I flew away and pretended it never happened, but I never did manage to fully forget. I shouldn't have run, I should have stayed and helped him and made sure the guy was alright, but I didn't. I was afraid of what I caused. I was afraid of the darkness inside that made me selfishly put someone in grave danger in my attempt to be seen.

That was the day that I ran away. I ran away from facing my guilt because I feared that the weight of the truth would crush me completely.

I should've-

In the end, it's my fault I always end up alone. I'm in the darkness again. The Guardians are standing in front of me, staring blankly forward, doing nothing but breathing and mindlessly blinking from time to time. The Guardians are like having a family that never bothered to give you the time of day unless you were interfering with their business. A family that's only been there for you when they needed you to do something for them. A family that never even gave you a second glance and passed you off as a stupid brat for hundreds of years.

A family that ignored you.

I don't blame them for it. I probably would have ignored me, too.

"This needs to stop, Jack. You know they don't think of you like that. Remember what's actually important."

I care about the Guardians and they care about me. They just don't have much time. They're busy with the kids, they couldn't be bothered with me is all. The kids are most important.

I feel a tug on the bottom of my hoodie. It's Jamie. He's...smiling? I don't understand, I thought he was... no, the dream was wrong, Jamie is okay. He isn't dead. That was a lie, it was the nightmare sand and the dream and my fears mixing up to create horror. It wasn't real, because I remember now what happened. Jamie is back home now, and I protected him the best I could. I ruffle his hair, but I can see he's already beginning to blur again, but that's okay. He's alright.

"You're alright too. You don't need to run away." Sera has walked out of the darkness. She looks no older than when I last saw her. The heightened emotions of the dream are getting to me and I can feel tears on my cheeks. I know this is a dream, but I missed her.

"You can never be in the future or past, but you can be in the present. If you are afraid, then be afraid of what is happening right now. Remember who you fight for and...Jack... no matter what happens, remember." She reaches up to poke at the general area of where my heart is. "Everyone needs fun sometimes, even a creep like Pitch."

She smiles and fades away. I think I'm done. There's nothing left for me to see.

But the darkness doesn't end. I'm still here.


	14. Chapter 14

_Light.  This blinding, white light is everywhere I look.  It doesn't hurt my eyes as much as I thought it would.  Its warm glow is like that of the Guardians and their believers.  How repulsive.  Everything is forced to be revealed in a light like this.  There's nowhere for my shadows to hide.  I don't even have a shadow.  This place is so empty._

_Is this it?  There's nothing in my subconscious mind about my past, instead just white empty space?  That's very encouraging.  I'm sure Jack will be just thrilled to find out that his last hope for saving the children rides on a revelation that doesn't exist.  As I thought, I had simply been imagining things when I thought that girl's face looked familiar._

_" That's not true.  You never thought that you were imagining things.  You knew it was important, but you were just afraid."  Who does she think she is?  Of course I'm afraid.  I'm always afraid.  Who would I be without fear?  Certainly not Pitch Black.  Whomever it was that spoke doesn't seem to have a body.  She sounded young and...familiar.  Just to make sure, I glace around myself to check that there isn't anyone there.  Just white.  Useless.  "I assume you're the girl I keep in my locket?" I speak up._

_No response._

_I begin to walk in whichever direction I'm facing, not caring very much about my destination.  "We both know why I'm here.  Show me the memories and get it over with, now."  I look up and around me, hoping that the sand will recognize my commands.  Nothing really changes very much, but there's a blurry image in the distance.  A...body.  ...Is that Jack? _I thought I saved him from those disgusting men, did I not?  I'm sure I did. He should be alright... w_ hat is he doing lying around in my subconscious? _

_Well, I suppose enough time spent with him would do it.  I shouldn't be so surprised at that.  I also shouldn't be surprised that the particular image my mind chooses to show me is his bloody corpse lying on the ground.  Getting closer to the form, It's certainly a lot more disturbing than I would have imagined.  Jack is someone whom I can relate to on some level somewhere, but mostly he just makes me want to strangle him, so it's odd that I feel so distraught.  Then again, dreams, especially nightmares, intensify every emotion you feel.  That would better explain why I feel like I can't move.  That has to explain why I suddenly feel so terrified at the prospect of losing his presence.   There's not other explanation.  I kneel down to get a better look.  I know I could make him disappear if I disregarded him and mentally threw him away or something, but something is preventing me from doing that._

_His bloody face is pissing me off.  Jack's body was a corpse even before it had blood all over it and he was just fine then, so he should be just fine now.  He's already dead, he shouldn't even be bleeding in the first place._

_Jack's snow white hair is turning not-so-snow-white.  Its regaining color, turning brown, and his cheeks are turning pink like he's been in the cold for too long.  He's human.  He's so vulnerable and weak. If he would just open his eyes, it would be so easy to scare him out of his wits, but he won't open them.  He's gone.  Jack isn't even in there anymore.  Why do I care so much?  I shouldn't be caring about this.  Jack Frost is a brat that I do not care about.  I could betray him any second and I wouldn't even feel guilty about it.  I don't care about him._

_He looks so defenseless, it's pathetic.  Jack should be more careful around his enemies.  Are we enemies, though?  Jack obviously doesn't seem to think so.  Maybe we're not.  It doesn't matter._

_" Focus, papa."_

_Papa?  Jack's body disappears.  I'm glad I don't need to look at it anymore, but then it becomes immediately replaced by someone else.  I don't know who this is.  I've never seen them before.  I take a step back and turn around only to find another body that I don't recognize.  Soon enough, they're surrounding me.  People and spirits of all sorts are laying dead before me.  I don't know any of them, but I know I did this.  It was my fault.  What happened?  I don't know.  This used to happen a lot, didn't it?  Back when I was filled with more fear than actual consciousness, my memory would blank out from time to time and I would find myself somewhere that I hadn't ever been before._

_All these people...what's the point?  Why do this?  What could I have had to gain from it?  I can't scare these people when they're dead.  I don't even understand my own actions._

_Throughout my time as the bogeyman, those who feared me have compared me to a lot of other villainous characters.  The Devil, for example, was a common one.  There is a difference between me and them, though.  I will threaten you with everything I have, show you absolute terror, take over the world and make everybody live like frightened little lambs, but there are some things that even I find too repulsive to do.  I would never tell anyone, of course, that would ruin the fun, but I'm more bark than actual bite.  I've nipped and even tried to bite once or twice, but all of the worst things I've done are things I can't even so much as recall doing._

_It doesn't make sense.  I consume the fears of everyone else to prevent myself from focusing on my own fear, so why would I snuff out those people's fears by killing them?_

_I wouldn't.  I have, but I wouldn't.  I have.  I...?_

_" That wasn't you."_

_The bodies have faded away.  There's a spot of darkness floating in the air.  Like a doorway.  I can feel the tendrils of darkness reaching out to my mind, so familiar.  It isn't just darkness, though.  Its fear, hatred, wrath, and a calculating presence.  It's watching me, feeling me, probing me to find weakness.  It has always been there.  It isn't me.  I am fear, but not that one.  That corrupted fear is someone else.  That fear has been in me, using me as a puppet, pretending to be me, but it's not me.  I am separate._

_But if this isn't me, then who am I?  This tainted fear coming from the dark spot has always been my strongest fear to use.  Who am I without that?_

_" This is you."_

_The dark spot has transformed itself into me.  It's like staring into a fun house mirror.  His eyes are golden like mine, his hair is like mine, his face, his body, everything is just like mine, but there's something very different.  His skin isn't the color of ash, but that's not what is so odd about him.  It's that he doesn't look fearful or even fear-inducing.  He looks...bright, somehow.  Is that really me?_

_He smiles gently, a facial expression I never thought I would be able to make._

_" Papa!"_

_Again with the 'papa' thing.  I turn around just fast enough to see a little girl run through me and into the arms of the other me.  He leans down to hug her better, his eyes shining with joy.  "Em, where have you been?  We can't let your mother catch you out sailing near the asteroids again, you know how she gets..."_  
" I know, but there were so many star fish..-"

_The image fades.  The spot of darkness is back, but there's nothing in it anymore.  That girl. Em.  Emily Jane.  My daughter.  I know her, I know her so well.  My wild, joyful daughter.  Always trying to go on adventures, sailing out to the stellar seas like her father, even with her mother's scoldings to stay close.  She's a rebellious little beast, that girl.  I love it.  It makes her strong._

**_No, stop!  It hurts!_ **

_Who...who am I?_

_So many memories are flooding into the dream before me, everything is flashing by so quickly I can hardly understand it.  It hurts so much.  Images of war, pirates, space... a family.  I've lived a life and I forgot.  How could I forget about this?  I know who I am!  I'm Kozmotis Pitchiner!  I am not Pitch Black, I am not the bogeyman, I am a father.  I am the Lord High General of the Galaxies.  I'm not afraid._

_I look down at my hands.  My skin isn't shadow anymore._

_I look up to the dark doorway.  I feel someone there, but I'm not concerned.  They're not important.  I look away and it's like the doorway isn't there.  The white of the world around me has transformed itself into a prison.  I know this place.  I've been here for so long.  Ten years?  Feels like thirty._

_I miss Emily Jane.  I miss her so much.  I just want to go home, but I can't.  I have to stay here and make sure the fearlings are kept in check.  I have to guard them, prevent them from escaping.  How is my little girl doing?  I'll bet she's pretty angry with me.  I take out the locket to look at her face.  She should be sixteen this year.  I wasn't there to see her growing up.  Will I ever even see her again?_

_" Papa, help!"_

* * *

 Why am I still here?  I look around the darkness for a sign and find a glowing white doorway that must have appeared behind me at some point.  It's not like there's anywhere else for me to go.

What I saw on the other side was really not something I expected.

It's a prison.  Pitch is here.  I've never even been here before, and I've never seen Pitch like this.  How did my mind come up with this?  He's like Pitch, but he's also...not really Pitch.  He's weird.  His skin is normal, which is very much not normal for Pitch.  What's going on?  I try to walk closer, but I can't get past the doorway.  It's like there's an invisible force field stopping be from entering.  I can only watch.  Is this...Pitch's dream?

Pitch takes out his locket and stares at it for some time.  For the potentially life-changing dream of the Nightmare King, this is pretty boring.  Maybe it's more interesting on his side.

" _Papa, help_!"  Who is that?  I look to the cage to see that the fearlings have manifested themselves to look like the girl in Pitch's locket.  Oh no.  Pitch is panicking, running to the cage.  I have to do something.  "Pitch, no, stop!"  I shout and bang on the barrier, but it gets no reaction out of him.  Can he even hear me?  He's crazed, like he's been hypnotized or something.   _"My little girl, I'll get you out of there!"_  


I can't do anything.  He's absolutely lost to the illusion.  He's fumbling shakily for the keys to the cage.

He's opened it.  I flinch away as Pitch is taken over by the invading fearlings.

I'm jolted awake.

* * *

_My whole body is trembling.  It won't stop.  My chest hurts.  Jack is here, he's awake too.  I-  my little girl is gone.  It's been so long and I never went home.  I abandoned her.  I can feel tears running down my face and for once, I don't care.   Who am I now?_

"...Pitch?  You alright?" _Jack is looking at me like he knows I'm not alright.  I don't need to answer his question.  Am I even Pitch?  I lift my hand in front of my face to find that my skin is once again shadowed.  I don't know who I am, but I know who Jack is.  Of that, I am sure._

 _I reach over slowly, giving him time to back away.  He hesitates, obviously unsure of what I'm trying to do, but ultimately allows me to pull him close.  We end up laying back down, and he eventually returns the embrace._ "Uh...Pitch?" _Jack whispers in question._

_"Kozmotis."_

_"_...Huh?"

_"My name.  My name is Kozmotis."_


	15. Chapter 15

"Kozmotis." _Jack pushes me away just enough to see my face._ "Was that your name when you were alive?" _I nod._

 _He's staring intently at me, not a trace of fear on him. Normally, I would be bothered by that, wouldn't I? I-...Pitch wanted to see Jack filled with fear, but I'm not him. I don't want Jack to fear me. Not now. There is a time and a place for fear, there must be, but this isn't it. He gathers a breath and his courage before finally speaking again._ "So you remember now. Great, awesome. Now that you know your center, you can be the bogeyman again-" _Jack moves the covers off himself, standing up to get his staff._ "-and the balance of the world will be restored now that fear is fully back in business and everything will be just dandy."

_I stare right back at him. I don't know what to do. It isn't that I don't have my powers, but... "I'm not the bogeyman, Jack. I can't be him."_

_Jack practically freezes in place, confusion and dread settling on his face after a few seconds._ "What d'you mean you're 'not the bogeyman'? Of course you're the bogeyman, you have been for thousands of years. Don't play games with me, Pitch." _I'm not playing games. Pitch was awful. I can't be him anymore, not now that I know who I truly am. Being Kozmotis and having my memories may be painful, but being the bogeyman...scaring children? That's not me. I wouldn't do that. I can't do that. I sit up, rubbing circles in my temples. I have the biggest headache I've ever experienced. "I told you, Jack. I'm not Pitch. I am Kozmotis Pitchiner, Lord High General of the Galaxies, not a monster who visits children at night to scare them out of their wits."_

_Jack looks devastated. It's hard not to feel guilty in the face of that 'kicked puppy' expression he's wearing. "I'm sorry, Jack. I wish I could help, but I can't."_

_His eyes widen like he's surprised that I'm apologizing. I suppose it must be unsettling to hear something like that from someone he thinks of as Pitch Black. The disconnect in personalities has to be at least a bit disturbing, even if he hated who I was when I was Pitch. He sets his staff back down, obviously having given up the idea of flying off. He's calmed down into a quiet disappointed state, but he's going to keep trying. This is the only angle on the kids' situation he has right now._ "You still look like Pitch. Your skin is grey, unlike how I saw you in the prison."

 _That presence. "The dark doorway. That was you watching me. It's rude to peep into other people's private dreams, you know. It's very personal." He shrugged. I suppose it would be too much to ask him to have better manners, considering that he's perpetually stuck in his teenage years. I used to think him a brat for his overly casual attitude- no- Pitch did. Then again, I was Pitch. I shouldn't deny that, I would only be lying to myself._ "Hey, it's not like there was anything better to do. I was done, there was nothing left for me to see." _He hops himself back onto the end of the bed, kneeling so he could face me, eyeing me suspiciously._ "So, you're not Pitch. But...you remember who I am, right? You said my name, so, you must know who I am, right?"

_"Of course I know you. I remember our time together very clearly. I may not be Pitch, but I haven't forgotten a single second of being him."_

_I don't know why exactly, but I suddenly recall the time that Jack took me to a haunted house. It wasn't like I had never been to one before, but this time was very different. The entire experience was just so unique to Pitch..to me. Every time I went to a haunted house, it was filled with fear, as it should be, but when Jack was there, it was fun fear. It wasn't just that blank terror that makes the kids never want to go to a haunted house again, it was the fear that keeps them coming back to be scared again. It made me realize that fear doesn't have to be hated. "I wanted to thank you, Jack. I didn't because I was Pitch and my pride was in the way."_

* * *

I cannot explain just how uncomfortable it is to, for one, wake up in the same bed as the bogeyman, two, comfort the bogeyman when he wakes up crying, and three, have him actually thank me out of nowhere. I've had some weird stuff happen, but this is just really really unsettling. Even this guys facial expressions look different. He's still pretty stiff and formal, but it's like he's all soft and gentle and he gives a really nice hug, even if he was crying at the time. I could get used to hugs like that, minus the tears.

And that's it for the awkward things to think about the spirit that tried to take over the world. You can all go home now, folks.

"Thank me for what?"

 _"You showed Pitc-"_  He clears his throat.  _"You showed me that fear does have a place in a world filled with light. I will try to be the bogeyman for you, Jack. And for the children. I just won't make any promises as to how well it will work. I don't have the same darkness in me that Pitch did."_  He stands up, running his fingers through his hair to keep it back.  _"However, I would appreciate it if I could be left alone for a few hours. I have some things I would prefer to think about on my own."_

"What things?  See, I don't know if you caught on, but Pitch and I are best buds nowadays.  We don't keep secrets."

 _"Personal things."_  He walks into the darkest corner of the room, like it isn't hard enough to see him as it is. I get up to follow him over there and grab hold of his arm, not wanting him to disappear into the darkness without properly answering me. I don't want to say I'm worried about him. How can I? I hardly know Kozmotis, but...he's still sort of Pitch, and I know for a fact that I care. I can't figure out what to say, so I end up just kind of staring at him. As if that would help.

But it does help. Kozmotis sighs like he's trying not to give in to a plea I never made in the first place. _"Please. I'm sure the Guardians would like to hear about the recent developments, you can explain to them what's happened."_  Does he really think saying please is going to shake m-

He's kissing me.

Honestly, I have no idea how to react to something like this.  It's just not something I expected to be happening.  I close my eyes. Should I kiss back? Oh, it's over. That's good. I don't really know what I would've done if he kept going. I open my eyes to look at Koz.  He looks really tired. Well, he did just wake up, but not that kind of tired.  Emotionally tired...and sad.  _"I beg of you."_

The kind of tired that you feel when you're close to giving up.  If he needs time alone, there's no harm in leaving for a while.  I can pry later. "Okay." I let go of his arm, and with a whispered  _"Thank you."_  in reply, Koz slips into the shadows.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for this chapter. It probably has a thousand errors or is just written poorly, but I don't think I can do any better right now. I plan on coming back and editing this so that it'll be a better read, but this is what I have for now. I hope it will be worth your read anyways.

_I still haven't left the white area of the dream space.  I'm going to kill him.  Me.  No.  I'm going to take back my body and I'm going to destroy that locket, banish those memories, and get rid of Kozmotis for good.  He can't be the boogeyman.  I'm the boogeyman!  He's far too wishy-washy to scare children!  And who does he think he is?  Jack is the only person whom I could even consider calling a friend, and Kozmostis comes along and ruins it by not just sending him away, but kissing him.  I-  we- no, HE kissed Jack.  How could I possibly ever even start to make things normal with Jack again when I've-no- Kozmotis has sexually assaulted him!  In my body!_

_I want out.  Let me out._

_I can physically feel everything that my body does, but I can't control it.  I can't even so much as see Kozmotis' thoughts.  I have no way of knowing his intentions.  He could be planning to do something even more awful for all I know.  Not even 'evil' awful, just...disgusting awful.  I hate being without control.  I need power.  Where can I get power?_

_Over_ _here._

_I turn to the voices behind me, but I don't need to know what it came from.  I know that sound all too well._

_\---_

_Pitch is still in here, somewhere.  I can feel him.  He's a lot more fussy than I thought he'd be._

_He's angry.  I have to figure out something to do with him.  I took my body and mind back because I didn't want to be him anymore.  I don't want to be living in fear, I don't want to constantly feel like I'm running and hiding from something, and I don't want to exist as an unexpressed feeling that nags at the back of his mind and never leaves._

* * *

Jack did go to the North Pole to call the Guardians to fill them in on the Pitch/Kozmotis situation.  He may have left out a little bit here and there, though.  For starters, he left out the part that the sand they'd used had been partially nightmare sand as well as the dream sand.

...And there's no reason to mention the part where he got kissed by the nightmare king.  That would just cause all sorts of trouble.  Not to mention the fact that he still didn't really know how he himself felt about it.

After some discussion about whether or not it's actually a good thing that Kozmotis is no longer Pitch, they all agreed that it would be best for someone other than just Jack to go see him for themselves.  They couldn't all go, after all, they did have work to keep up with, but Sandy agreed to go, and Bunnymund insisted that he had to see this so-called 'good' side of Pitch.  Toothiana was interested in seeing this 'Kozmotis' as well, but she had far too much to do, and Baby Tooth had bravely volunteered to go for her and report back.  Without much delay, the four of them left to Pitch's lair.  To Bunny's dismay and Jack's excitement, they rode in Sandy's dreamsand plane to get there.  As soon as they landed and reached the hole in the ground, Jack began to leave.

Sandy created a question mark, and Bunny called out.  "And just where are you hopping off to, mate?"

Jack shrugged, giving them both a wry smile.  "Oh, nowhere.  Can't a guy have some free time every now and then?  With all this Pitch business, I haven't exactly had time to build a snow fort in like forever."  It was an excuse, he knew, but he really didn't want to see Kozmotis again until he had time to process things.  Thankfully, although Sandy looked doubtful, he nodded and Bunny conceded. "Alright, but don't go too far.  If things go wrong, I want yah to be able to help."  Baby Tooth squeaked and waved a goodbye.

The frost spirit nodded and flew off without wasting another moment.

"Alright, let's go, Sandy." With that, the two guardians jumped down into the darkness.

It didn't take long for them to find Kozmotis.  He had been sitting in the most illuminated area of the cave he could find.  The darkness wasn't a comforting place for Koz like it was for Pitch.  He appeared to be lost in his thoughts and didn't even notice their entrance until they were close enough to speak.  "So, Jack tells us you've been reformed."  Kozmotis looked surprised for a moment, but the expression didn't linger.   _"I wouldn't say reformed, so much as restored."_

There was a silence.  Sandy took a few cautious, but curious steps forward as a symbol of Pitch, with a question mark afterward, floated above his head in the sand.  Kozmotis shook his head slowly.   _"No, I'm not Pitch.  I assume Jack filled you in, but my name is Kozmotis Pitchiner.  Lord High General of the Galaxies.  Although, I don't suppose I deserve that title anymore."_ Koz stood, taking a step toward Sandy.  Bunny looked like he wanted to stop him, but calmed back down after he saw that Kozmotis was only kneeling before the golden dream spirit.

 _"Sandy.  You almost died, twice, because of Pitch, I am sorry.  To you and Bunny both."_ Baby Tooth flew over to Koz and made a small noise at him. _"You too, little one."_ He stood back up, now switching his gaze between Sandy and Bunny.  _"Had I been stronger, this would not have happened.  This situation with the children is my fault, but I'm afraid I might not have enough power to fix it."_

Bunny glared, stepping in front of Sandy.  "What'dyou mean you don't have the power?  Oh, that's just convenient, isn't it?"  Sandy tugged on his fur in an obvious attempt to tell him to calm down and stop blaming Kozmotis, but Bunny didn't listen.  "No, really, is that how it works?  You have enough power when you're trying to take over the world, but of course, you don't when you're tryin'a save it."

Kozmotis' eyes were wide as he thought about the truth behind Bunny's statement.  Although he was Pitch at the time, he still has caused a lot of suffering, and that suffering is still happening right now because once again, he wasn't strong enough to protect what's important.  The children.  Sandy tugged again on Bunny's fur, and this time he took the hint.  Having seen that look of pure regret written so honestly on Kozmotis' face made it clear to Bunny that he was not speaking to Pitch.

* * *

 

I land on the lake calmly and glance around, not that anyone would be in the forest at like 5 a.m. anyway.  As soon as I've made sure I'm actually alone and not being watched by the shadows or something, I slam the bottom of my staff on the lake, letting the cold burst out of it to add a layer of frost on the surface of the ice.

Kozmotis is, in a word, weird.  Even if I was to disclude that kiss at the end.  It's like he's Pitch, only with an entirely different personality.  I never thought this would occur to me, but nice Pitch is creepier than actual Pitch.  To clear my mind, I get off the lake and enter the forest, deciding to make good on what I told Bunny and build a snow fort.  Sometimes that helps when I have too many thoughts jumping around, anyway.

Where _is_ Pitch, anyway?  Is he tucked away somewhere in the back of Koz' mind, or is he just gone?

I don't really like this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm getting when I think about Pitch being gone, so I try not to think about it.  The world needs Pitch Black, not some Lord High General blah blah, old-fashioned, military type guy who apparently cares a lot about his privacy.  The world needs it's jerk-of-the-year, overly theatrical, tall, dark, handsome, and professionally mysterious Pitch Black.  Now that he remembers being Koz, it's as though he's further from helping the kids than he was before.  At least back when he was Pitch, he really _wanted_ to scare them.

This is so frustrating.  I don't even know how to think of that guy because I can't even know who that guy is.  He acts like he's Koz, but then he obviously remembers being Pitch and he has his memories and body, so which is it?  Am I thinking about a guy who died thousands of years ago and just took his body back from Pitch, or am I thinking about an aspect of Pitch that's been uncovered?  How separate are they?  Does this mean that Pitch had feelings for me and didn't express them until he became Koz, or does it mean that Koz, a guy who I barely knew for half an hour, kissed me of his own accord, completely independently of Pitch?

Most of all, if Koz is just a part of Pitch that he didn't know was there and hadn't been expressing...and Pitch _does_ \-- 

I return to the lake.  Thinking about feelings is tiring.  I'm ridiculous for even considering the idea of Pitch being in love with me.  That kiss was probably just him toying with me. There's no way Pitch, of all people, would even know what love feels like.  Lust, maybe.

I stomp on the ice, setting down the staff to sit cross-legged and cross-armed, trying not to throw a fit in confusion and frustration.

Before I could come up with a solution as to _why exactly_ Pitch, or Kozmotis, whatever, would kiss me like that, something flew right into my face.  Just as I was reaching up to remove her, Baby Tooth regained herself and flew backwards a foot, the surprisingly intense wind obviously trying to push her around and she squeaked in protest.  "Oh.  Sorry, Baby Tooth."  I spoke as I calmed down the wind and snow, not having realized until just then what I'd been doing.  It seemed Baby Tooth wasn't interested in apologies though, as she continued to squeak at me incomprehensibly.  "Okay, okay, slow down.  What?"

She frowned and tugged on my coat, obviously trying to lead me somewhere.  I followed her and she let go, leading me away from the frozen lake of Burgess and towards...Pitch's lair?


	17. Chapter 17

_I look through the eyes of Kozmotis.  The guardians are in my lair, talking to him.  Oh, now he's apologizing for the things I've done.  How predictable of him, playing the 'honorable' soldier.  The kneeling before the guardians is too sickening, so I retreat once more into the back of the mind, to the white dream space._

_"You're here again."  I glare at the protruding black splotch floating seamlessly through the air._

_"We never left, actually.  You're the one who was so desperate to see what 'we're' doing in the outside world."_ _The shapeless being replied casually. "It's better to sit back and wait, you know.  No use in trying to regain control of us all by yourself.  You're not strong enough.  If we freed ourselves from this space, taking Kozzie with us, and you were left here alone to pilot the body, you couldn't manage.  You would hardly be able to think without us, much less function.  Help us and you can be in power again."_

_They're bluffing, trying to rile me up. They need me to accept their offer to work together in overthrowing Kozmotis' consciousness and taking back control.  Were this happening a year ago, I would have accepted without hesitation, but now is not then.  I'm about as close to accepting their offer as Jack's heart is to beating.  I saw the memory, I know what happened.  That memory fills in so many gaps.  It explains every time I've found myself in a place I don't remember going to, or having done things I wasn't conscious of.  These fearlings have been taking away my power and using it to do whatever they wanted, not giving me the power to do what I wanted.  "You're not strong enough to take control by yourselves, either.  I'm certainly not going to help you."_

_"You're an idiot.  Without our power, you are nothing.  When we first got here, when Kozzie's little mind was buried so deep in the sand that he practically wasn't alive, you were just the shell he left behind!"_ _The many indistinguishable voices of the fearlings rose in anger. _"You were a vegetable, nothing but fear and emptiness and we were the ones who gave you the power to use that fear!  We were the ones who filled that emptiness enough for you to gain consciousness!  Be grateful, do as you're told."__

__I pause for but a moment before giving my reply. "No."_ _

__The floating spot of indistinctly shaped blackness reacts to my word like it's being pulled in every direction, as though all of them are trying to make a shape, but they're all thinking of a different form.  They're angry, and I like it.  The fact that they're angry proves that they're powerless without my assistance.  It's weak.  "I'm not the shell of some goody two-shoes, neither am I your obedient little pet.  You have been in my mind for as long as I have existed, you should be aware that I don't take orders."  I add, calmly.  
_ _

__"Prove it."_ _

_"What?"  I respond immediately, utterly taken by surprise._

_ _"You claim you're not a shell, but what else could you be?  Have you not ever wondered why you don't really experience certain emotions such as...gratitude...happiness...remorse...passion..."_ _The black is taking shape, forming itself to look like Jack, but there's no definitive depth or color, it's just a_  _ _silhouette.  It walks toward me.  I don't back away, as to avoid appearing weak.  I just let it get closer, not flinching as it reaches it's hand over to touch my face.  It's cold, as I would expect. "-...fun.  Any of this ringing a bell?  No?  Like I said, empty inside."  His staff disappears and his other hand reaches up with the obvious intention to cup my face, but I grab hold of it before it can reach its destination.  I know what he's trying to do, there's no other reason why he would specifically take the shape of Jack._

_"That's quite enough."  I snap at the dark figure that does too well a job in resembling the frost spirit._

_"Touchy.  Could it be that the empty shell of fear actually has felt a positive emotion? Now, now, how could that be?"_ _He questioned childishly as he dropped the hand that had been touching my face.  I tighten my grip on his other arm just to see if he would feel pain from it. "Ooh, of course.  Because you've been feeding off Kozzie's mind for so long, you can't even tell that it's just the echo of a feeling." His voice is laced with mock-sympathy. "You've never felt the real thing, so you cling to the tiny pieces of positive emotion you can get.  Desperately trying to be 'real' .  Y'know, that's actually kinda cute.  You're trying so hard to be independent when it's impossible."_

_I let go of his arm, but feel something strange on my palm.  I raise my hand to look.  Black ink.  Or, at least, it looks like black ink.  I glance up at not-Jack and even without a distinguishable face, I can practically feel them smiling.  I don't understand.  Why would they smile when they're the ones who are powerless?  I look back down at my hand to find that the ink-like substance has melded with my hand and was now spreading up my arm.  "What did you do to me?"_

_The fearlings just shrug. "That's not the point, Pitch.  What did  **you** do?" I stare up at them in panic.  This...doesn't feel right.  "What's happening?"_

* * *

  _"...Pitch is somewhere, still, in the back of my mind, but I can't get to him."_

"So?"  Bunny didn't seem to get why Kozmotis was mentioning Pitch.  "You do still have his power, right?  Not having Pitch around, isn't that a good thing?"

Koz sighed.   _"Not necessarily.  Pitch...is not a good man, but he alone is the one who can help the children.  Yes, I have the power of darkness, but..."_ The man who was once Pitch reached out his arm, and in response, a night mare came prancing over.  This would have been a good demonstration of power, were it not for the fact that the mare looked more like a pony than anything, and instead of having a presence that would induce terror, the most it could possibly do was give someone a small jump-scare.

Sandy didn't even seem bothered by the creature of darkness, and he floated up to pet it.  It wasn't threatening at all.  Cute, more like.  Bunny agreed that this horse was indeed not going to scare children, and in fact, would probably do the very opposite, to which Kozmotis nodded. _"It's like the power is there, but it's just so far off that-"_ without warning, Kozmotis collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

Before either Bunny or Sandy could properly react, Baby Tooth flew down to see if he was okay, finding that there was...black ink travelling up his arm, and rapidly.  Koz seemed to be knocked out for a moment, but as the ink spread, he made sounds of increasing distress, beginning to scream as he clutched at his chest, where the ink had now begun to cover.  Sandy reached to try and shake him awake, but quickly retracted his hand when some of his sand transformed itself into nightmare sand.  "Oi, mate, uh...Koz?  Wake up."  Bunny tried, cautiously pulling out his boomerangs, just in case.  He wasn't going to take risks with Pitch.

Kozmotis' only reply was his continued shouts as the ink got closer to his heart.   _"Stop!"_ He cried, but to no avail.  The ink continued.

Baby Tooth fled the lair, knowing that no matter what it was that was happening, Jack needed to know.

* * *

Why can't Pitch just have a normal day every once in a while?

It's like every single second has been crazy when I'm with the guy, and sure, that's fine.  Tall and spooky bogeyman, he's just kinda intense, right?  The problem is that he's being crazy even when I'm not there to see it, and not that I'm worried about him or anything, but...okay I'm kinda worried.  Can you blame me?  First, he's evil, then he's the victim of circumstance, then he's angry, then he's playing nice and accepting to be a guardian, then he's rescuing me and Jamie, then he's a completely new guy named Kozmotis something-or-other, now  **what?**

I stare down at Pitch's body.  After Bunny explained the situation, no one has said anything.  Koz stopped screaming not long after I got here.  I can't actually see his skin anymore, it's just completely coated in ink or something.

I kneel down to get a closer look.  This is the fearlings' work.  It has to be.  I glance calmly back up to Bunnymund, not a trace of fun or lightheartedness left on my face.  "Bunny, we need to find a way to get these fearlings out of him quickly, and without hurting Pitch.  Can we do that?"

Bunny nodded.  "We can try.  Sandy, I'm gonna need your help."  He motioned for Sandy to stand with him as he stomped on the ground, opening up a rabbit hole and falling through, leaving behind no trace that they'd been there aside from a small flower.

"Pitch.  Koz.  Whoever you are.  Wake up."  I attempt a smile with a jovial tone as I shake him.  "Time to get up, sunshine."  It's not working.  Pitch won't respond, he just sleeps like the dead.  In a fit of frustration and desperation, I hit his stupid chest, but it does nothing.  Baby Tooth is squeaking in panic at me.  For a moment, I disregard it.  I'm scared that he's dead, too, Baby Tooth.  But then I realize that Baby Tooth hardly knows Pitch.  She doesn't care that much about him.  Why is she so upset?  I look down at Pitch and notice that my hands are turning grey.  I follow the path of dark and find that I've gotten the ink all over me.  It's dying my jacket and changing my skin and....wow, that...hurts.

It's a prickling sensation, but it's increasingly intense.  All I can feel is fear.  The fear of being alone.  The fear of losing the guardians.  The fear of losing Pitch...

The last thing I feel before the fearlings take me is terror.  Just absolute terror.  I am so...so alone in this darkness.

 


	18. Chapter 18

You remember that chilling feeling you got when you were a child.  The shiver that runs down your spine when you've been alone, but can't help thinking there might be a monster under your bed or a creature about to come in through your window?  The fright you got when you found yourself slipping on ice?   That cold fear has been manifested.  Nothing but ice and darkness and terror.

* * *

"Jack!" Baby Tooth barely understandably squeaked the name, watching in horror as her friend passed out on the floor, his skin the color of ash.  It didn't take long before he woke, but when he did, it was obvious that it was not the Jack she knew.  His eyes were glowing bright blue and his features were twisted in a wicked smile as he looked at Baby Tooth for a moment before standing up and grabbing her roughly out of the air.  "Go away." He spoke childishly like a frustrated little kid before throwing her at the wall of the cave, not giving her second glance after that before moving on to stare at the body of Kozmotis.

Baby Tooth took the message and left to find her queen, but her flying was awkward and inaccurate because of her now-damaged wing.

After quite a long period of staring, the boy huffed, kicking Kozmotis in his side. "Wakie wakie, sleepin' beauty."

The body on the ground shifted, pushing himself up just enough to lean his back against the stone bridge railing behind him.  Koz doesn't have any time to process what is in front of him before the boy speaks again.

"Rise and shine, Kozziemodo."

* * *

  _Jack has fallen to the fearlings, as I once had._

 _I stare blankly.  First of all, what an awful nickname.  Second of all, how can he know who I am?_ _Did he fight back enough to keep his memories?  Does that mean he's still himself?  Or...did the fearlings just dig into his mind for information?  "You remember?"  I ask as the boy walks over to grab his staff, which had fallen a few feet away when he collapsed._

"Who are you asking? Jack, or...well, I'm working on a title for my name here.  What are your thoughts on the 'Winter Terror', huh?  Think it might catch on?  If it's me, don't worry, I couldn't possibly forget the one who imprisoned me for so long.  Yeah, or the one whose mind I resided in for thousands of years.  Comfortable living space it was, up until things started going downhill with Frosty.  His influence did quite a number on that Pitch fella, tell you what.  He was so fascinated by Jackie-chan here that he actually started to think he felt his own emotions, can you believe that?  The tiny piece of your mind that was left behind after you hid away your feelings to protect yourself actually  **thought he was an individual**."  _The fearling of winter looked genuinely sympathetic and saddened for a moment before perking up like the previous expression had never been._ "After all that trouble we went through to create a personality incorporating all of us, yes, even you.  Suddenly, Frosty the dead Snowman comes in and slowly separates us from Pitch until all that's left is...well..."

 _The Winter Terror puts his foot on my chest and squishes me into the stone.  I would fight, but honestly, I can hardly move.  "-_ you." _Both my body and mind hurt so much that I'm rendered useless against him, the eerie and twisted form of my friend hovering over me cockishly._ "We found a new vessel, though.  We rather like it, the cold is exhilarating.  Although, I can already feel the little Frostbite trying to fight his way back to the surface of his mind, so I suppose we'll have to- well.   _I'll_ have to come up with a name for myself and incorporate Jack just like I did you with, huh?"

_No, Jack has gone through enough already.  He doesn't need to live without his memories, always feeling a dull ache of having lost what you truly hold dear.  He doesn't deserve that.  "Leave Jack.  Take me, and I'll surrender freely, just leave him alone.  Now."_

"Tch.  Look at you, trying to do the brave, self-sacrificing thing, just like old times, huh?  Sorry, bud.  No can do.  Even if I wanted that beaten up body of yours, I'm afraid the merging's already been done.  It really doesn't take long."   _He shrugs nonchalantly._   "You're too late, just like always, it seems.  Too bad, huh?  Better luck next time, Koz-zilla."   _He takes Jack's staff and pokes at my shoulder, and the pain of the sudden ice crawling into my veins doesn't just leave after the staff does.  It lingers.  I can't help the cry of pain I let out._ "Well, I guess you won't _really_  have a next time, but you know what I mean.  It's a figure of speech." _  
_

 _Everything about the way he talks is casual, like this kind of situation is an everyday activity.  I hear myself shout as I try to push the Winter Terror away from me, but he just takes the opportunity to kick my face to the ground so he doesn't have to bother with holding his foot there as I fight it, and he laughs in a way that sounds so good-natured, so very fun and Jack that it hurts in more ways than one.  _"I'm still thinking of names.  I want it to be something similar to Jack's, but with a little more oomph to it.  A bit more more fear-inducing than Jack Frost, but still....like... Jokul Frosti.  It's already been around for a while, so it's not like it won't catch..."

_I roll onto my back so that at least my face isn't in the ground and I spit out the blood in my mouth. "Give him back."  I try to stand, to find my strength enough to fight._

"That _it?_  I really expected more of you, Koz-mantis.  Honestly, I thought you'd have figured this part out by now; we can't give him back,  he's in here."   _He motioned impatiently to his head._ "I know everything Jack knows now.  We're one and the same.  I've felt everything he's felt, thought every thought.  Y'know, he really liked us when we were Pitch quite a lot. He felt as though he was robbed of a friend when you came along to take our place. I guess he just wanted to get Pitch back.  Well, lucky him, he did!  We used to be Pitch, and now we're Jokul, so in a way, he'll get to spend eternity with Pitch!"   _He smiles widely._ "What a happy ending.  Isn't your heart just warmed at the thought of how joyful he must be now?  Mine sure is.  Figuratively, of course." 

 _Jokul took a quick glance at his wrist as though he had a watch._ "Well, I think it's about time I started hitting roads with my new-found ice magic.   Boy, is this gonna be awesome or what?"   _He took a few steps closer to me._ "It's been swell talkin' to yah, Kozzality.  I'd really love to continue our heart-to-heart, but honestly I think you're about ready to freeze to death, wouldn't you agree?"

_I can't feel.  My entire body has gone numb, and my skin...covered in frost._

_I'm going to die._

_Maybe that's alright. My little girl must have died thousands of years ago. I'll get to see her again._

_But I can't let myself die yet, I have a duty to Jack and to the children of the world. I can't fail everyone else like I failed Emily._

_Pitch is still in here.  I can feel him very distinctly, but he's cut off.  I don't know what happened, but it feels like he's separated himself from me._

_I knew that I wasn't supposed to be here within moments of reawakening. The world just doesn't need me to protect it anymore, it needs Pitch. I wasn't..I'm not strong enough to save anyone in the end, anyways.  If I'm gone, will Pitch still exist, though? Can I leave him to fight the fearlings alone?_

_He won't be alone. He will have Jack._

_I guess there's only one way to find out.  Not like I have a choice in the matter of my death anyway.  I repeat one thought in my head as I feel myself begin to fade, trying to push it into every part of my mind so that if there is just one thing, one single thought that I can get Pitch to hear and understand, it will be this;_

_Protect Jack Frost.  Protect Jack Frost.  Protect...Jack........_


	19. Chapter 19

The Guardians arrived just as the winter spirit was about to leave.

Everyone in the lair paused.

North and Tooth had their blades drawn ready for a fight.  Sandy had his dream-formed whips, and Bunny was standing there with not a boomerang, but instead a staff with an egg on the end of it.  They all lowered their defenses for a moment when they saw what had happened to Jack's skin.  North was the first to speak.  "...Jack?"  He squinted.

 Jokul cackled, ruffling his hair. "You guys really are somethin'.  You think someone might be in danger so you come back with weapons a-ready instead of bringing a med-kit.  How touching.  You guys must've really been worried about poor Kozzie.  If I didn't know better, I'd say you gave up on him before you even met him.  Lots of good you did him, waiting until he's had his last scream before getting here.  Then again, there _was_ a point when you decided you wanted Pitch dead, wasn't there?  I did you a favor.  Well, I better be off, but it's been swell."

The Guardians gave each other looks, communicating without speech that this was not Jack.  The Winter Terror began to leave, but before he could, Toothiana flew at him, pushing him against the wall and threatening him with her blade.  "What have you done with him? Where's Jack?!"  She glared intensely, hovering over him.  The other Guardians flinched and reached out as if to stop her, but North was the only one to speak.

"Tooth."

She glanced behind her to look at North, who pointedly glanced at Jack.  She turned back and continued to glare, not moving her sword.  "Tell. _Me._ "

Jokul smiled widely, showing off that the teeth that glittered like freshly fallen snow were now starting to look just a bit...jagged.  "Hmm.  Maybe.  I dunno."  He shrugged. "I mean, your threat here  _could_ be a little bit more..well, threatening.  You're not gonna hurt me, 'cause you're not gonna hurt Jack.  That seems to be everyone's weakness.  You all just need to care a little les-" Toothiana pressed her sword close against Jack's throat, just enough to draw the smallest amount of blood.  Nothing he wouldn't heal from, but something to show she was serious.

The problem was that he called her bluff.  She wouldn't go any further than that.  Even though he was half-choking because of the pressure of the blade, he still spoke like the situation didn't matter.  "Hakuna Matata.  You won't hurt Jack."  He smirked as he watched her face fall, devastated that there was nothing she could do.  She lowered her sword, but kept it drawn and ready.

Bunny mumbled under his breath."...Never thought I'd use this again..." He munched on a chocolate egg he had on hand and began to twirl his staff around, the egg on top of it reacting by emitting a light.  North watched in fascination and recognition of the old staff.

"Bunny..."

The man stepped out of the way as Sandy's whip came flying at the staff, wrapping itself around it like a coil until it reached the top and the light began to change colors, circulating through the rainbow, color by color.  This all took place in the course of mere seconds, and Tooth had only just released Jokul when Bunny shouted for Tooth to get out of the way.  She did better than that, knowing that dark, icy spirit would have heard the warning as well, she yanked him and put his body in front of her, allowing Bunny to throw the staff at the boy.

The egg-shaped top of the staff hit Jokul's forehead and he fell limp against the queen.  No one spoke as she lowered him to the ground and everyone gathered around, watching with careful hope that it had worked.

Gradually, the ash-like color of his skin began to fade back into the death-like pale that they all knew as Jack's.

They weren't sure what the lasting effects of what just happened might be, and they were worried.  Sandy formed a dream cloud, Tooth and North began to pick Jack up and place him on it when they heard Pitch move.

_Pitch._

Suddenly, they were all reminded of what caused this problem in the first place.  Bunny looked over, obvious hurt in his eyes.  "Who are you this time, huh?  Pitch?  Kozmotis?  A fearling? All three?"  He marched to Pitch as the nightmare spirit fumbled to stand, failing and using the rail as a crutch.  The frost on his skin remained from before.  He stared past Bunny and toward Jack, his expression never changing and never readable.  He couldn't see Jack's skin from the angle, so he couldn't tell if Jack was really Jack again or not.

* * *

_I look back at Bunnymund.  I try to control my shivering, but it doesn't help, it's just too cold.  "Pitch.  It's just me now."  My voice is shaking, and it's disturbing to hear from myself.  I glace back at Jack, who is obviously conked out.  The Guardians must have fought with him.  "Is he...coming back?  The 'Winter Terror'?"_

_Bunnymund gives me an odd look._ "'Winter Terror'?" _He mocks, obviously unimpressed by the overly dramatic title._  "Really?  We dealt with him within minutes and you call him the Winter Terror?" _  
_

_I stay silent for a bit.  I do agree that it's a bit over the top, but... "He called himself that.  He killed Kozmotis.  Is...Jack...?"_

_Bunny took a moment to take it in, but not long._  "He's alive, yeah.  Only because we came in and stopped him before it got any worse.  And whose fault is it that this happened?"   _He glared at me in accusation.  I can't blame him.  It is my fault that Jack is infected with them.  I say nothing._

 _Tooth's eyes squinted a bit as she began to catch on to what Bunny was saying._ "This isn't anybody's fault but the fearlings."

"Yeah, and who was it that worked  _with_ the fearlings over and over again?  Oh right.  Pitch.  He's far from innocent, mate."   _Bunny retorted, and like me, Tooth had nothing else to say.  I was their vessel, I accepted them and worked with them for so many years.  The things I did cannot simply be forgotten._

_Jack stirred, opening his eyes and sitting up, getting off the dream cloud and pushing through the fussing Guardians and rushing towards me in a deliciously panicked state._

* * *

I feel my consciousness to begin to arrive back in the waking world.  I've killed Pitch.  I-  the fearlings have killed Pitch.  He's dead.  No.  I get up as quickly as I can, ungracefully pushing the Guardians out of the way so that I can get to Pitch's body, hoping I'll be able to undo whatever Jokul did.

Thankfully, when I catch sight of Pitch, he's standing.  Not dead.  Not dead is good.  He looks down at my throat and I glance worriedly at the frost covering his skin.

 _"Jack."_ He reaches out to me, but is stopped by Bunny, who steps in front of me.

"Keep your distance, Jack." Bunny speaks back to me. "It's his fault this happened."

I ignore him and try to step around him.  "He needs help, he's freezing."  I say, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Tooth zooms over, not standing in my way, but giving me a warning.  "He's dangerous, Jack.  Even if he's changed, he's dangerous."

Okay, this is getting really annoying.  Pitch hasn't even done anything this time.  I continue to step toward Pitch when North steps in my way, not saying anything, but giving me a stern look.  He's not gonna let me pass.  Obviously they're just being paranoid, but now is really not the time.  I need to help Pitch before he, like Kozmotis, freezes to death.  I glare at North to show  him I mean it.  "Fight me, or move."  I move into a battle stance, even though my staff is across the room, behind me.

North looks at me like what I'm saying is ridiculous.  "You do not even have weapon.  Would not be fair."  I watch him, unrelenting.  I don't care.

Reluctantly, North steps aside, watching warily as I grab hold of Pitch.  I know there's not much I can do.  I'm not exactly the spirit of the sun, I can't warm him.  So, I just help him to Sandy's dream cloud.  As he sits down on it, he mumbles something I can't tell what.

"What?"

He glares at me in anger, obviously frustrated that he has to say it again, like he's somehow embarrassed by it.   _"I said Halloween has passed, there's no need to wear that blood on your neck.  You'll scare the children like that.  That's my job."  _He reaches out a stiff hand, shadows wrapping up and around my neck until they change their form into black cloth.  The Guardians watched carefully.  His skin brushed mine as he was pulling away and his hand iced over even more.  He ignored it.   _"Can't let people think you've replaced me as the new Bogeyman."_ His voice is shaking.

I look over at the other Guardians.  "Help me get Pitch to the workshop.  He needs a fireplace."

 


	20. Chapter 20

The Guardians listened to me and followed along only somewhat reluctantly. I was right, after all. Pitch does need help or he could die, and if Pitch dies, so does our chance at saving the children. So they went with me and Sandy and assisted in getting Pitch to the warmest room in the workshop, not speaking a word.

Once Pitch had a blanket on and was sleeping dangerously close to the fireplace, Bunny pulled me aside, looking at the black ribbon around my neck warily. "What's he done to you?"

Of course he always assumes Pitch is a problem. "Pitch? He didn't even  _do_  anything this time. What are you talking about?"

Bunny didn't buy it. "You might want to take a look in the mirror, mate, because he's collared you like a dog."

I glare at Bunny. If anything, I should thank Pitch for actually bothering to help. "I know you have some deep-seated fear of dogs, but I don't. I kinda happen like dogs, and this?" I motion to my neck. "I don't know if you've ever had to deal with an  _injury_  before, but back in my day we called 'em bandages."

Tooth jumps in, watching me with concern. "Pitch is dangerous, Jack. He controls that shadow around your neck, he could start hurting you if he had the whim. Do you really trust him that much?" She means well. I know she does, but that doesn't stop the next bit from coming out of my mouth like a reflex.

"Yeah, I do. He put it there to stop the bleeding of the cut  _you_  made, Tooth." I see the guilt cross her face and immediately regret what I said. "Look, I don't mean to blame you, I'm sorry. Instead of us all trying to find someone to blame, maybe we should focus on more important things like helping the kids and we'll all be better off. Let's just chill. Pitch is a guardian now, maybe you guys need to trust him, too. He's not the problem this time, he's the solution." I glance over to Pitch, who is now being watched over by Sandy. "I was careless like I always am and I let myself be consumed by the darkness. It's my fault, so leave him alone."

Tooth and Bunny take it in and give me looks of concern as I leave them, heading toward Pitch and sitting down opposite Sandy. At least I'm not the only one worried about Pitch.

Or maybe not. Sandy used his dream sand to create the small forms of children. He's worried about them. He then morphed it into a clock. Feel like we're wasting our time with all these arguments? You and me both, little man. I nod and reach out to try and shake Pitch awake, but quickly pull my hand back when I realize what has happened. The shoulder where I touched him froze over. I don't know how. I know I wasn't using my powers.

Pitch jolts awake with a shout of pain, scrambling away from me and nearly into the fireplace, burning his back in the flame. He's in too much pain to speak, but...that look. The look of utter betrayal, like I'd meant for that to happen. "I..."

* * *

_My somewhat bearable dream is interrupted when I feel an intense, biting pain shoot through my shoulder and down my arm as I'm jolted awake. My eyes open quickly and I give a shout, seeing Jack and instinctively pushing myself closer to the heat source at my back and away from him in my attempt to soothe the ice I feel in my shoulder, but I only get burned by the fire._

_As I can do hardly anything but writhe in pain in my state of barely even being conscious, my mind goes to the first thing that's always high and easy the list of my instinctive reactions; find someone to blame. I look up and see Jack. I don't know why he did this to me, but he did, and I shouldn't feel this betrayed, but I do. Of course I should not have trusted him. After all, things have only gotten worse and more messy since he decided to interfere in my life. In fact, if he hadn't existed, I would have been believed in by now, doing what I do best, scaring children out of their wits, and not being in excruciating pain. Jack Frost is not an ally and I should not have deluded myself into thinking otherwise._

"I...I'm...I didn't..." _He looks like he's going to cry. I can sense his fear. I know. He's afraid that I'm going to hate him. He's afraid of himself. What was I thinking? Jack isn't smart enough to trick me into a friendship. He doesn't even have the capacity. I did that all on my own._

_Before I can say a word, he runs off to only the Man in the Moon knows where, leaving me and the sandman in the dust with a speed that could almost be considered comical._

_Sandy takes the opportunity to fold his arms and look at me accusingly. I glare back as I try to get up without hurting my back more and flail, falling back on my butt. This is going to be a long night._

* * *

"Hey, Jamie." I wave at my first believer and friend from a short distance catching his attention and getting him to call back through the open window and run outside to join me. I step away a bit, keeping my distance. "Sorry I haven't been around since..." I trail off at look at him in hope that he understands. He does. I don't have to finish my sentence. "I've been kept pretty busy with stuff. You know, Pitch became a guardian." I try to make conversation to get my mind off what happened at the workshop, but it isn't really working very well.

"A guardian? Isn't he...kind of  _evil_  for that?" He looks at me disbelievingly.

To be fair, he's right. It doesn't actually make all that much sense. I chuckle at the thought of Pitch successfully not being evil. "..Yeeeah, but he's not that type of evil." Well, he was. He was pretty evil. "Anymore."

"Look, I can't stay out here for very long. I don't want my mom to notice I'm outside at night agai-.." He stops speaking when something seems to startle him, his eyes going wide as he stares at me, taking a step closer. "Jack?"

"What?" I reply as Jamie looks around himself and then back to me, but...he doesn't look at my eyes. It's like he's looking through me. He  _is_  looking through me.

"Where are you? Where did you go?" He steps forward again until he almost touches me, but I take a step back.

"I'm right here. What're you talkin' about?" I'm starting to panic. Is Jamie loosing his belief? Can't he see me? No. I don't want to be invisible again, never, never again. Please don't do this to me. I don't want to lose Jamie, I'm not ready. I watch as Jamie reaches out toward me and I reach back, but my hand goes through his like I'm nothing. I am nothing. To him, I don't even exist. I run. I fly. Anywhere but here.

* * *

"Jack, this isn't fun. Come back." Jamie looks around one more time, giving the dark backyard a sweep, waiting for any reaction, any small sign of frost that Jack could give him to show he's still there before he gives up, folding his arms. "Fine. I'm going back inside. It's cold... _what was I even doing out here in the first place_?"

* * *

_It wasn't long after Jack left the workshop when we all noticed something off. Those blasted lights on the globe that should be glowing as bright as ever were wavering. Who would have guessed that if I simply left the world alone for long enough, the guardians would defeat themselves. Looks like belief is fading. Only question is, why? Without fear in the world, shouldn't this be a new Golden Age? The guardians don't appear to be so surprised at it, either._

_North hangs his head, unhappy, but not startled by this turn of events._  "I suspected as much."

_"But...why?" I ask. I can't help my curiosity. After everything they've done, the children have no reason to lose belief now._

_North doesn't answer, but Tooth fills in for him in a roundabout way, asking a question to answer mine._  "Have you ever heard of the yin yang, Pitch?"

_I glare at her. "Of course I have." The yin yang is a symbol of black and white. That's all I really know about it._

_She doesn't seem bothered by my attitude as she walks closer to the globe, watching as the lights dim until they're hardly there._  "Dark cannot exist without light."  _Well, that explains it. That's why I'm never able to be rid of the guardians. It was fixed from the start. Still, I don't see where she's getting with this._

_"Your point?"_

_She glances back at me for a moment, annoyed that I didn't catch on to what she was saying. Bunny speaks up before she could continue though, finishing the point._ "So light can't exist without dark either. As much as it pains me to say this, the world needs fear too. The kids need fear."  _He doesn't look at me as he speaks. None of them do. Perhaps it helps them to imagine they're talking to someone else. I wouldn't blame them if that was the case. There is a long, mourning silence before North finally breaks it, coming at me directly. The old man can be very intimidating when he wants to._

"Scare."  _He says, simply. He doesn't really need to say any more than that. I need to go do what I do best. It's a little disheartening knowing that doing so is going to help the guardians get their believers back, but the truth is that I don't want these children in danger. Being Kozmotis and feeling his feelings to some extent helped me to realize that. I do care about the children, or I wouldn't have felt that sting of pain whenever one went through me. I care. It's repulsive and gushy, but there's nothing I can do about it now._

_I need to go. My back is still in a lot of pain and my shoulder is still recovering, plus my entire body aches for some unknown reason, but I need to go. "I can't stand being around you lot anymore. I'm leaving." To scare children. Once more, with feeling. This time for sure. I don't wait for a response and dissipate into the shadows without delay to begin my search for a vulnerable child._

_I sniff out the small traces of fear left in the world, following the scent until it gets stronger and I find the person who currently is experiencing the most fear. Start with the easy ones. Poor, unlucky me, to find that instead of a frightened child, I have followed the scent of Jack. I watch him from the darkness of the night for a moment. We're in Antarctica. His fear feels so similar to the fear he had back then that I start feeling nostalgic. He's afraid of being invisible. Why is he here?_

_"What brought this on?" I ask, just above a whisper. Unlike the last time we were here, he turns around as soon as he hears my voice, looking at me with careful hope._

"What? Why're you here?"  _He looks at me and takes a step back, but not out of fearing me. Odd. I take a step forward in defiance of whatever his problem is and he just tries to take another step back but fails when there is no ground behind him. Did he just forget we're on the edge of a cliff? I reach out and tug him by the hoodie to keep him from falling, but I don't let go of it immediately._

_"Following you. Why are you here?" I let go of his hoodie and he brushes himself off casually, seeming to give up on whatever it was that had been causing him to back away from me before._

"I asked first-hey! Why're you following me? Don't tell me you're my stalker now? And here I was thinking that the  _kiss_  was just Koz bein' a weirdo." _He laughs and scratches the back of his neck. Ah. So he's not forgotten about that._

_I know why Kozmotis did that, but I can't tell Jack about it. Kozmotis, who was hiding in the same place that I hide everything else I don't like, could not have gone by without noticing the emotions I have recently been experiencing around Jack. In some twisted way, Kozmotis probably thought he was doing me a favor by making it an issue that I can't avoid confronting. It won't work, though. While I now am willing to admit that I have some tiny, insignificant feelings for Jack, there is no way I'm going to humiliate myself and become vulnerable by exposing those feelings to anyone else, much less Jack._

_So I ignore it. Jack doesn't need to know. He didn't ask. He made a joke about it, and that's all it will ever be. A joke. "The same reason that I always have for everything. Fear."_


	21. Chapter 21

"Well, if you came here looking for a frightened kid to scare, you're outta luck.  I'm not scared of you and I get the feeling I'm a couple hundred years too old to be considered a child, so, better luck next time, huh?" 

_I will have better luck next time, but I'm beginning to think this is exactly where I needed to be.  I lean forward, stopping only inches from his face.  "Not scared of me, are you?  Then...why exactly do you look like you're about to fly away in terror? "  He looks away, avoiding my gaze as much as he can in this position.  Ah, there that scent is.  How very pleasant, that's a nice little change of pace.  Although, I can't say I enjoy that he's trying to protect me like I'm one of the defenseless children he supposedly guards.  He fears his power._

"I-I-.I was just thinking that there was a snowless city with my name on it in California, and, you know, I hardly ever go there, so the kids would just love it."

_I suppose that mystery is solved, then.  I back off and give him the space he wants.  I could probably tell him why his powers acted up against his will, but it wouldn't help him stop it from happening, and I rather enjoy the scent, so there's no need to mention it.  There is, however, still the matter of his seemingly never ending pit of fear that he will forever be doomed to be ignored, and that is not a fear I have a taste for, it's a bit too close to my own for comfort.  It sets me on edge. "I'm sure.  That's not why I'm here.  You can't hide it for long, so just tell me, why are you so very, very afraid?  I haven't sensed this kind of fear from you in a long time, why waver now?"_

_Jack gives up his humorous facade, having realized what brought me here._ "It's no big deal.  This happens all the time.  Kids stop believing when they get older, that's how it is...I just thought that Jamie, somehow, that he would at least hold onto it for a bit longer, y'know?"

_He looks at me pleadingly as though I would understand, but I don't.  I've never connected with any of the people I've scared, and I don't plan to.  I'm old enough to have seen the rise and fall of more than one Golden Age, I'm old enough to know not to get emotionally involved with those doomed to die without a moment's notice._

_After a few seconds of waiting for me to respond, he drops his expression._  "You don't.  Why am I even telling you this?  You don't even care.  You just want to know my fears, so you can exploit them later.  That's not helpful, and I don't need to deal with you right now.  Leave me alone."   _He turns around and sits down, letting his legs dangle off the edge of the iceberg's cliff as he puts up his hood.  How childish._

* * *

 _"I don't understand."_ I startle as Pitch speaks from his seat right next to me.  I hadn't heard him sitting down or even approaching in the first place.  I kinda thought he left through the shadows or something.   _"This is the second time you have told me to leave you alone when you fear actually being left alone.  The fear I felt from you after I did just what you asked back then was so intense and revolting that I was glad my lair was underground where your fears were nothing but a distant ache compared to the millions upon millions of children who were in terror at my power.  I'd rather not deal with that again until I have more children's fears to hide behind first, but I appreciate the offer."_

"What, like my fear is any more disgusting than their's?" I don't look at him.  I don't want him to see my face right now.

_"It is.  Their fears are pure and beautifully fleeting, but your fear of being alone and ignored has been nurtured by your experiences over time, and morphed into a more long term fear that doesn't bode well with me.  Your fear is old and bitter and I find that it's even more revolting now than it was before the fearlings left me.  Perhaps they were feeding on it and giving me the remains, perhaps you simply fear more now than you did before because of your own experience with the shadows.  I don't know."_

I do feel different.  I have since that...thing, whatever, shadow collective left me.  Just a little thing, I can't even tell what it is, but it's weird that I haven't noticed it until now.  "Do the shadows change you?" I ask, curious when I hear the strangest sound I think I will ever hear.  Pitch laughs, and it doesn't even sound malicious.  He sounds like he honestly thinks what I just said was the funniest thing.  I can't help but turn my head and stare in amazement as he quickly calms down and goes back to his usual gloomy demeanor.

_"They seemed to change Kozmotis, but he's gone now so there's no telling what that time in the darkness felt like for him.  I, on the other hand, was created as a manifestation of the fearlings and Kozmotis' body combining.  The fearlings used me as a medium between their malicious will and the parts of Kozmotis' mind that were left empty when he retreated into the subconscious in order to survive.  So, I cannot have been changed by the shadows.  That's not what you're really asking, though.  You want to know if you're affected, so let me ease your mind on that one thing.  You are."_

Oh.  "How much?  What does that mean? Care to elaborate on this very upsetting revelation you've given me?"

 _"Not really.  Do you care to elaborate on why we're here?"_  

 I sigh and turn back to the endless white snow, away from Pitch.  "You'll tell me if I tell you, is that it?  ...Jamie can't see me anymore.  I don't know what happened...I..." This is stupid.  I don't get why he's even still here, much less listening to me as though it matters what I say.  It doesn't.  Telling him about it, crying, getting angry, nothing will bring back Jamie's belief in me.  There's no point.

Pitch didn't say anything, and for a bit, I was hoping he was gonna just walk away.  That way, I wouldn't have to deal with not knowing how to tell him that I'm just so tired of going through everyone, of being unseen, of being ignored like I don't matter.  I want to exist.  Can't I exist?  Don't I have a right to that, at least?  It feels like I don't, considering that hardly anyone ever acts like I do.

But instead of disappearing through the shadows, Pitch awkwardly puts his hand on my back in a gesture that was more awkward than actually comforting.

Well, that was unexpected.  It takes me a moment to even process it, I'm not used to being touched and it's pretty obvious that this isn't a common thing for him, either.  Does he even realize what he's doing?  Is this really Pitch Black, or is Koz somehow back from the dead?

I wait a beat.  The hand is still there.  As weird a thing this is, it's nice.  For a moment, I just let myself soak it in, but then I get the best idea ever.  Or the worst idea ever, depending on who you're talking to, but I just can't resist pushing his boundaries I mean he's totally asking to be taken advantage of.  Totally.

* * *

_Jack abruptly stands up and out of my gesture of comfort.  And just when I was starting to get used to it.  Oh well, saves me the trouble.  I wasn't that into the idea of trying to comfort him anyway.  I was just trying to make his fear stop and I know that's what usually works for parents and their kids, though Jack is hardly a child._

"Hug."

_I blink in confusion.  Hug.  Hug?  Is he-  he's asking me to hug him.  Is he serious?  He's serious.  This is way beyond my comforting ability.  "Go find North, I'm sure he'd be delighted."_

_He frowns._ "C'mon, Pitch.  That's like forever away. Don't tell me you're gonna make me fly all that way."

_"I could bring you with me and shadow travel."_

"But I don't want a hug from North.  He's way too big, he crushes my bones."

_"No."_

_He sighs in frustration and I can feel his fear of being alone spike up.  Is he seriously using his fears to manipulate me into hugging him?  I'm the boogeyman, I'm the one who uses fear to manipulate, not him.  What kind of ridiculous nonsense is this?   Does he even realize that's what he's doing?_

_This feels horrible.  I have to either leave now, or do as he asks.  If I leave, his fear will only get stronger._

_As much as I really don't care, I do.  Blasted Frost.  I glare at him in silence for a good ten seconds before shadow travelling behind him and wrapping my arms around his chest.  He tries to turn around to hug back, but I pull him in tighter to prevent it._

_"Don't you dare."_

"What, so you can hug me, but I can't return it?  That isn't fair."

_"No, it isn't.  That's the way it is."_

"Why?"

_"I can't stand hugs, they're far too mushy.  I have a reputation to uphold."_

"What do you call what you're doing, then?"

_"As long as you don't wrap your arms around me, I'm just holding you.  Prisoner.  I'm holding  you prisoner until further notice.  I'll send my ransom note to the other guardians when I'm not busy ensuring you don't escape."_

"I guess that's as good an excuse as any." _He leans back, pressing himself into me as he raises his hand to hold onto the only part of me he can reach, my arm._   "Works for me."

 _For a while, we just stand there like that, not saying a word_. _I'm not sure how long exactly, but enough that I can feel Jack's temperature rising to meet my own. He's probably burning up, but he doesn't seem to care_.

 _I'm the first to break the silence._   _"The fearlings will come back some day, you know.  As powerful as the rabbit's magic is, the fearlings will come back alive.  They always do.  They'll look for you.  For both of us.  They're not the kind to just let things go.  We'll have to be ready for them."_

"Has anyone ever told you that you suck at being comforting?"

_"I'm the bogeyman, I don't do comfort.  I'm not comforting you."  I let him go and he holds on to my sleeve for a bit, reluctant to end it.  I feel his fear spike as I step away and towards the shadows and I sigh in resignation.  "Are you coming?  I assume you'll be wanting to be there to comfort him after I scare the pants off your first believer."_

_His fear calms down as he looks at me in confusion._ "But, I told you, he can't see me anymo-"

_Before he can finish his sentence, we're racing through the shadows._


	22. Chapter 22

Damn it. Pitch.  He needs to just take a step back and let me breathe.  I confide in him and he brings me to Jamie's room, knowing it was the last place I wanted to be. I'm so sick and tired of this.

When Pitch reaches into Jamie's dream right in front of me, giving him a nightmare about none other than myself, I don't know what to do.  I don't know what to say.  He's trying to make him believe in the only way he can do it.  I get it.  I just can't.  It's wrong to make someone believe in you using fear.  I don't want to be feared, I thought Pitch knew that. "Stop."

The tall shadow that is Pitch barely bothers to look at me, having probably expected me to react in such a way.   _"It's just a bit of fun.  He needs the fear.  We all do."_

I glare at him with everything I've got.  "But he doesn't need to fear  _me_.  I'm  _not_ you, Pitch.  I don't thrive on my friends looking at me like I'm some kind of monster.  Leave him alone.  Leave me alone."  I leave, flying out the window before Pitch can say anything else, keeping myself from looking back.  I need to do something.  I need to keep my mind off...everything.

* * *

_A monster.  So that's how he looks at me.  Normally, I would be honored to be thought of as such, but not right now.  Jack is one being that I want to see me as I truly am.  That monster is just a mask I throw on, now.  It is a piece of myself, a persona I use when it's necessary.  Didn't he know?  Of course he didn't know, why would he?_

_What's wrong with me?_

_What could have possibly changed so drastically that I would be standing here, not trying to hinder, but to help the Guardians?  I don't have to do this.  I could refuse to bring balance, I could spit in their faces and allow myself to fade away just to spite them.  Moreover, I could do it to spite Jack, but I just- no.  I lost my ability to betray him, I don't know how long ago.   _There was once a time when I could break his staff in two without a second thought, but now my ideas of betrayal seem so distant.  Why am I protecting him from the immense fear he could feel if I just allowed the children to lose all belief in him?__

_At what point did Jack become so important?_

_He doesn't deserve my help, he doesn't even want it.  There's not a single bloody reason for me to do this.  Fine.  Let the boy throw a fit and run off to sulk, see if I care.  I don't care.  I really don't.  I'll just go about my business, giving nightmares to children and bringing fear back into the world.  Stick to what I'm best at._

_-_

_After Jack left, I did as well.  Jack wants the boy left alone and it was no skin off my back to find another kid.  Besides, with all the things that have happened to him, he might have nightmares without my help._

_My scaring from then on went smoothly, but all it managed to do was to make me suspicious of the ease.  Instead of it going slow and steady as I had assumed it would, the children of the world regained their warning sting of fear at a frankly alarming rate.  Jack has made himself scarce.  So scarce, in fact, that even now, after nearly a week has passed, neither the Guardians nor I have seen him.  I can't concentrate, there's too much nervousness clawing at the back of my mind._

_I might be more worried than I should be, considering that he's a spirit who runs off all the time for the hell of it, and who can handle himself perfectly well._

_The lights on the globe returned quickly, every child shining bright, as though they had never wavered to begin with.  The Guardians seem to have accepted me into their ranks, although I can't exactly say that any of us are enjoying it.  They eventually inquired about Jack and I was forced into explaining the situation to them, lest I lose their shaky, unstable trust and they attack me.  Once they knew what had happened, they calmed down considerably and assured me that Jack would be fine- that he's probably just off somewhere making snow days and playing with kids._

_I would be inclined to believe them, except that, knowing Jack, he would make a mess wherever he went, leaving a trail of snow in his wake.  It's difficult not to be uneasy when for all I know, he could have gotten himself into another chaos like when he got kidnapped.  Now that fear is back and kicking, adults should revert to their previous state of thinking spirits to be no more than faerie tales, but if I happen to be wrong, the consequences could be dire. Jack would pay the price for it, and I can't risk that.  I can't let him go through that again._

* * *

I just needed to clear my head.  That's why I came here.  I don't have to worry about anything but helping these kids have a fun time snowboarding.  I thought I could just do that, y'know?  I'm not trying to be seen, I'm not trying to be noticed, I'm just helping them be happy, like the good ol' days before I became a Guardian and my life, or afterlife, rather, got complicated.  I thought it would be okay, that it would make me feel better.  It was even working until...

This was _not_ what I wanted.

A girl went down the wrong path, separating her from the others.  It was alright, I figured even though it was a more advanced path than what she was used to, I could just guide her to the bottom, no problem.  Except, every time I tried to help her, to steer her toward the more safe areas of the mountain, my ice just went overboard and she began speeding faster and faster until she was out of control.  I kept reaching out, willing my ice to do what I was telling it to do, but it just wouldn't listen.  It has always had a mind of it's own to some degree, but this was a whole new level of strength that I just couldn't adjust for fast enough.

The girl, Stephanie, took a horrible fall.  She ran into someone and she flipped over them and twisted mid-air, leaving her legs in a bad way when she landed in the snow.  She cried for a while after that, and while I think she was okay, I realized that I could no longer be with children.  I'm too dangerous.

I hid in some ice caves I found a while back.  I never told any of the other Guardians about this place, and I'd rather not hide in Antarctica, where Pitch could expect to find me, were he looking.  Not that I expect him to look.

What's happening to me?

I've been making stalagmites in here for quite a while now.  It's been maybe a week or two since I sorta went on the run.  It isn't just that I'm more powerful that's been getting to me, because that I know I can deal with, in fact I'm already figuring out how to adjust.  This, though?  How am I supposed to go back to the Guardians like this?

My ice sticking up from the ground isn't clear.  It's mixed with darkness.  I've seen something like this once before, after I fought with Pitch and left a giant, jagged sculpture of sparkling ice that's been melded with black sand.  Then, it was both very pretty, and very unsettling.  This had a similar effect at first, but now that I'm starting to get used to it, I'm just confused and kinda pissed.

It must have been the fearlings.  They did this.  I'm not free of them, they have to still be in here, somewhere.  Why else would this be happening?

I look into the iced-up cave wall and see myself.  It's just as devastating as the last time I saw my reflection in the ice.  It's just that tiny, little bit of difference, but it matters because of what it means.  A streak of my white hair has turned black as night.  Does this mean I'm going to become like Pitch?  A creature of the night?  Is that what he was really trying to tell me by putting me into Jamie's nightmares?  That I may as well get used to it now because I will forever be feared?  This...I'm not okay with it.  I'm not.

I refuse to allow this to happen to me.  I'm not a victim.


	23. Chapter 23

_My nightmares about being possessed by the fearlings, my fears of living forever in the world, unseen..._

_I thought I had already feared far too much, but now it feels as though all my fears have intensified tenfold._

_The longer I sit and stew in my horror, the more I realize I should not have pushed out the fearlings._

_Without them, I can't function.  They were right.  I'm just the body, the shell that's left behind now that they and Kozmotis are gone.  I'm all that remains of two great entities once at war with one another.  I'm not my own being, I can't keep this up for much longer, I know I can't._

_I didn't understand just how intense the fears of others could be.  The fearlings were eating and absorbing so much of it before that now, when I must bare it alone, it is far too overwhelming.  A young girl somewhere is afraid of spiders and now I startle whenever one walks by.  A boy's greatest fear is of the dark and I feel as though I hardly can breathe in my own cave at this point.  Every fear I sense, I feel deeply.  They're everywhere._

_I've been scaring kids on my own for three days now and everything seems so fuzzy.  I feel so much power, and yet somehow I also feel as though I am at my most vulnerable state.  I can't even tell where the fears are coming from because they're too great in both numbers and intensity._

_On the bright side,the children are no longer needlessly endangering themselves.  This morning, the Guardians told me to check in with them every now and again to ensure I'm not stepping on their toes, to which, I simply replied, "No" before fading into the shadows and returning to my lair._

_This place that once was comforting with its darkness and emptiness now feels like too much.  The amount of space is frankly ridiculous, and it has no current use aside from bringing me the horror that I am completely alone here, which I'm sure I could do without._

_Laying down on my bed and trying to sleep, I enter a dream.  A nightmare.  I knew this would happen, but at least now it is only my own fears that it pulls and twists, and not other people's that I get to feel because of them._

_I'm at Jack's pond, I don't remember how I got here, but it isn't important.  Jack is here.  He sees me, and it doesn't matter why that's such a relief right now, because it just is.  It feels much like the dream he gave me where he returned to remind me that I exist, and I appreciate it.  For once, I feel real._

_But...am I real?  How real am I if I'm without Kozmotis and the fearlings?  Am I going to disappear into nothing now?  I can't handle this on my own.  I'm just a vessel._

"Hey.  Hey.  Pitch, calm down.  Don't freak out on me.  You're freaky enough without making that face.  You're here right now.  Stay with me."   _Jack reminds me, and he's right.  I am here.  Not some nebulous cloud of fearlings, not some golden warrior, me, here.  I don't have to listen to whispers in the darkness anymore.  I don't have to tear at my flesh to try and force the fearlings out._  


"Hah, of all the things I thought I'd see when I got back to my pond, the Bogeyman having a panic attack really isn't one of them.  I didn't even think you could feel fear in that kind of way."

_"To the contrary, I'm more afraid than most."_

_Jack goes silent after that.  It's unsettling.  He shouldn't be so quiet, it feels wrong.  Before I can say anything to him about how strange he feels, he's cut me off by covering my mouth with his own.  It's...nice.  Very cold, though. So much in fact that it shocks my tongue, but I don't really mind that.  It feels...comfortable.  Jack's hands are in my hair and he's relaxed to the point that it spreads to me._

_But...it isn't quite....right._

_Why is he relaxed?  Jack isn't...wouldn't......  He isn't like-  Jack.  This isn't Jack.  I push him away and he stares at me with red eyes.  His hair is black.  His veins are grey.  Jack, Jack, no.  What happened to you?  How did the fearlings-_

"You didn't think we'd give him up that easily, right?  Let's be real, we're not letting go of these neat-o ice powers.  Plus, this body has a totally epic ability to totally own you because you won't fight Jack anymore.  We know you won't, because you care and it's just too adorable."  _The nightmare of winter doesn't raise a hand as the shadows reach up from the ground to hold me down, the cold tendrils of darkness numbing my skin. I try to fight, but my body doesn't listen._

"Nighty night, Pitch-perfect.  Sorry about the nickname, yours isn't as flexible as Kozzie's." He shrugged. "Sleep tight, don't let the frost-bite."  _His smile was wide and filled with jagged teeth as he reached his hand up to my forehead.~_

_The room is big and empty, just like it was before I fell asleep.  I try to tell myself that the nightmare doesn't matter, but it does.  Jack is missing.  The rabbit's spell on the fearlings could be nowhere as effective as he boasts.  I need to find him right now.  Jack was already experiencing changes because of the fearling's interference before he left, and I should have said something.  I thought it wouldn't come to anything, but I could have been wrong.  That surge of uncontrollable power might've been the beginning of something._

_Looking for Jack, the first place that comes to mind is his pond._

_Without delay, I slip through the shadows and arrive under a shady tree next to the water.  This is exactly where the nightmare took place. It's eerie how accurate it was as far as surroundings went.  I look around, but no Jack in sight.  He'd be making a show of himself wherever he was, so I can safely assume he isn't here.  I make to leave, since there's no reason to stay, but I can't bring myself to do it.  Where would I go, at this point?_

_I should probably just search the likely places.  Antarctica, North's workshop..._

_Come to think of it, I don't know where he would have gone._

_I reach out to sense his fear in hope that it could guide me, but all I feel is an onslaught of fears from kids all over the world rushing into my senses.  I shut it down and stop looking.  I can't find him in this mess that my mind is becoming in the aftermath of the fearlings and Kozmotis' departures._

_Where could he possibly be?_

* * *

 

I'm so done with this.

I burst into the cold cave, ice growing around me without control.  I'm so...just.  I'm so angry.  I'm pissed off at Pitch for bringing me to Jamie, I'm pissed at being possessed by fearlings, at myself for hurting Pitch, for not being able to help Stephanie when she needed me to keep her playing in the snow safe.  This whole situation.  People are in danger.  I need a break.

And what was up with Pitch, anyway?  First he acts all helpful, like he actually might care, and then he goes and does that.  He was always like this, I just let him distract me and manipulate me.  I put my trust in him without even realizing what I was doing.  Handing over my heart to the bad guy, because that's what he is.  The enemy.  I rip the black bandage off my neck and throw it on the ground.

"Ugh!"  I need to calm down, I know I do.  I'm going overboard, Pitch isn't really who I'm angry with.  Throwing a tantrum can only make it worse.

My thought is proven correct when I look around myself and realize that I've managed to trap myself.  The only exit has been completely boarded with thick, dark ice.  Great.  Now, not only do I feel trapped by whatever identity crisis is going on in my head, but also I'm actually trapped in a cage made almost entirely of ice and stone.  Even the ceiling is made of nothing but think ice going on for miles.  Maybe it's better this way.  I can't exactly do much harm to anyone down here.  Then again, I'm needed up there, aren't I?  They need fun too, right?

The Guardians would find me, eventually, I'm sure.  If I don't find my own way to break the ice.

Or Pitch.  He could just teleport in here any minute now and get me out.  He probably just knows where I am.  I don't know how he does it, but somehow, he always seems to know my whereabouts.  If I asked him about it, he'd probably just say something creepy and a bit ominous, like 'there's latent fear in everybody' and grin like the Cheshire cat.  

Where is he, anyway?  Probably where he belongs, under a bed, scaring some poor little kid for the greater good.

Pitch knows my fears well enough by now that I kinda feel like I forgot he can't just read my thoughts.  Seeing him in that dream-nightmare hybrid, seeing him as Kozmotis, I just...feel like we're connected now.  I need to remind myself that he reads my fear, not everything else.  He doesn't know it when I'm angry unless he sees it on my face or I tell him.  This cave is so lonely and I've been just that for so many years of my time as a spirit that it's almost a comforting feeling.  Apparently, getting used to isolation isn't as impossible as I've thought.  Maybe it's okay to just feel the fear and let it take hold.  I'm sure that's what Pitch would do, at least.

That's when I notice something in the reflection of myself cast by the mirror of ice.  A streak of black hair.

Feeling the strong spike of fear that makes itself known leaves me to half expect Pitch to show up...and kinda even want him to,  to tell me that it's not a big deal, that I'm being ridiculous, and that the scent of my fear is bothering him so he came to help it go away.  But he wouldn't do that.   He won't.  He wouldn't do something like that, genuinely.  That's ridiculous.  He's not like that.

I'm sure.

I'm certain, because despite how scared I am right now of losing myself, Pitch just isn't here.  He isn't listening.  He doesn't care.  I'm not important.  He's busy.   I'm useless.  I'm becoming a vessel for the darkness and the fearlings.

Damn it.  No, I'm not.  I deserve to be seen, to be part of the world, to be heard.  I just want out of this stupid cave and out of this ditch in my mind that's pulling me down and dragging me through the dirt.  I'm allowed to want to leave.  I don't care what Pitch thinks about me crying for his assistance, because there's nothing wrong with having help sometimes when you're stuck.  And I am definitely stuck right now.  I've been here for two days?  Maybe three?  I've tried getting myself out.

I get down on my knees, picking up the ribbon bandage that I tossed when I first got here, looking at the darkest corner of the cave I can see.  "Hey, Pitch?  Little help, here?"  I wait a moment and sigh.  Nothing.  No reaction.  He isn't listening.  I'm not sure what the rules are exactly, but I don't think he could hear me unless some part of him was in the darkness.  That's a guess.  I actually have no clue if I'm right or not. "I'm stuck.  Pitch?  Hey!"  I shout and wait for a response.

Exactly what I expected, nothing.  I'm sure he isn't hearing anything.  He won't come for me.  I continue to speak anyways, or maybe I talk because I know he can't hear me.

"...Remember what you said in Antarctica?  Back when I hated you and you hated me, and it was simple? ...I could really use that whole 'family' thing right about now.  Or, anything.  I don't know.  Whatever.  I guess family doesn't really fit.  In fact, you'd probably try to behead me or something for that.  Doesn't matter, though.  You can't hear me.  I know you can't hear me.  I can't stop talking to you as though you could, though.  Hah, at this point, I'm not even sure if I want you to hear me."  But I do want to tell him things.  I don't know why.  I just feel like he'd somehow understand.

"I don't know what's happening to me.  I'm sorry I hurt you.  I'm still angry that you brought me to Jamie without consent, though.  I also just **loved** being shoved into a dark, endless pit of fear and despair and then ending up in the last place I wanna be.  Just my favorite kind of transportation.  Thanks for that." I wait.  Still no response.  "Hah, just in case you were wondering, that's sarcasm.  North didn't get it last time I tried that on him."

Nothing.

"...But I get it, I think.  You were trying to get him to believe in me, weren't you?  Trying to be helpful in the darkest, creepiest way that you can, in true Boogeyman fashion."  The material of this ribbon is a lot more silky than I thought it was.  It kind of exudes darkness in the same way that Pitch himself does.

"Tell you what, if you show up here like right now, I swear I won't hit you for being a jerk and not even warning me about where you were taking me."  Laughing half-heartedly into the empty cave, it reminds me that there really is no one listening.

"Pitch!  Damn it!  I just want outta here!"  Trying to smash the ice at the entrance does nothing.  It doesn't make a single crack, even using all of my strength.  I feel so sick and just...wrong.  I don't even look like myself anymore.  I let myself slide down the ice wall and back to the ground, hugging my knees like they can substitute for a person.  For Pitch.  The next time I speak, it's quietly.  I don't really think I want him to hear.  "This is your fault, y'know.  Not the darkness, that's on me.  It's your fault I feel so horrible right now.  If you hadn't...I don't know.  Maybe it is my fault for feeling like this.  I'm so tired of being alone, but I don't want to be with the Guardians.  I just want you to show up here and- yeah, is that cool?"

I try not to look at my reflection, but the memory of my chanced appearance is enough to upset me.   What if the fearlings aren't truly gone?

Now I'm really glad he hasn't come.  It would be so pathetic if he showed up now that I have tears stinging at my eyes because I just want to see him.  To tell him when I know he's actually listening that I feel like crap.  I want him to understand.  In my last ditch effort to be heard, I barely squeak out into the dark. "Pitch...?  Do you care as much as I do?  Am I seriously going crazy?"

I just want to be myself.

 


	24. Chapter 24

The wind is witness to a great many things.  The air of nature makes its way through valleys and tunnels, drifting.  It dances on the tops of hills and mountains, and sings softly in caves and canyons.  It breezes into the Bennett house through an open window, overhearing a short conversation between Jamie and Sophie about a strange dream the young boy had, but it quickly had to leave, as Jamie felt cold and closed the window.

Recently, the wind has been hearing a number of strange things.  Some of those things are what one might consider good or bad, but the wind doesn't have an opinion on the matters between humans and spirits.  It simply reports to Mother Nature and whispers in her ear of the goings on.

Mother Nature herself is also quite the neutral party.  She doesn't tend to take sides, for the most part.  Not helping the Guardians in all of their warring with Pitch Black, and not helping the humans in any of their petty affairs, either.  When the wind spoke of the missing frost spirit, however, she became concerned.  She'd never personally met him, so she wasn't emotionally attached, but rather, frost spirits and the like help to keep the Earth in balance.

The balance of nature was definitely her business.

Surely, he must be somewhere that the wind cannot reach.  Somewhere her plants and moss cannot feel.  As a force of nature and weather, Jack Frost would likely feel very unsettled in a place such as that, so why would he be there willingly?  Was he taken?  What would anyone want with a low power frost spirit such as he?

Then, it occurred to her.  Pitch Black has always taken issue with the Guardians and has shown no mercy.  Despite the wind having told her about the changing relationship between Pitch and the Guardians, she has doubted his sincerity from the beginning.  She hadn't said anything to them, because her interest in their games of belief and non-belief were nothing more than a hobby to her.

She had intended to confront Pitch, for the sake of receiving information on the safety of the missing frost spirit, but it seems it was not necessary.

Tears threatened to fall from the dark ghost's eyes in shock as he recognized the woman who sat before him on her throne of thorns.  She has aged, changed, become a new person, but he would recognize that face anywhere.  Emily Jane.

She stands, startled and angry at his abrupt, unannounced entrance, furious that he used shadows to enter her home of sunshine and greenery without so much as asking permission.

That was, until she recognized him in turn.  The amount of things she had to say had silenced her before she so much as uttered a word.  So many years of searching for him, believing in him.  Thousands of years holding it against him for never returning for her when he promised he would.  Centuries of recovering from resentment.  Her throat was closed and not ready to open for speech.  She'd known he was alive and without his memories, for the wind had told her as much.  Still, seeing him in the flesh was entirely different from having knowledge of his existence.

Pitch spoke first, knowing little of what was going through her mind.  _"Em.  I-...I am s.."_  He struggled with the word.  The Boogeyman didn't apologize, and yet.  He owed it to Kozmotis, and to Emily Jane.  He may not be Kozmotis, but he could remember how it felt to be him.  How important she was.  How devastating it had been to realize that she was dead.  Despite being Pitch Black once again, the pain of losing his daughter still bit at him.  Now, more than ever, he understands how lonely she must be feeling, and he knows.  He knows this kind of loneliness very well.  In this, they are the same.

 _"I am sorry.  I'm not the father who you idolized as a child, nor am I any longer the hateful fearling I'm certain you've heard tales of."_ He tried to keep his composure, for he hated when he slipped. _"Despite all of this, I've come because I need your help and I'm not going to take no for an answer.  Not in this."_

The stormy woman returns to her seat, watching as the thorns of her throne fall to the ground, leaving it nothing but wood and blank vines. "You will indeed take no for an answer if it is the answer that I give.  You-"  she looks over him, keeping her chin up and never letting her regal air drop as she considers what to call him.  "-blank man who is 'my father no more and a killer no more', may tell me what you came here for, and I will decide if it is worthy."

Pitch grinds his teeth at her 'blank' remark, for, if anything, he is overcrowded by the remains of both fearling and General. Still, he bares it in silence.  He came here for Jack.  He just had to focus on getting him back.  Toothiana swore to him that if anyone would be able to find Jack, it would be Mother Nature.  She'd warned him about her touchiness, so if he was going to get what he wanted, he was going to have to bite his tongue.

_"I hear you can understand the wind.  I need to find someone who rides that wind on a daily basis."_

Her expression is more unreadable than ever as she responds.  "You speak of Jack Frost.  What reason could I possibly have to help a blank man in his pointless search?" She cocks her head at Pitch, who responds by glaring at her.  Neither of them were the easiest people to get along with.  Still, Pitch continued to try.  To get Jack back.  He'd had enough of this particular nightmare.  The seemingly random onslaughts of fear that attacked his emotions from the shadows were about all he could take.  Adding the disappearance of Jack to that was only spurring the fear on further.

Regardless of his 'whatever it takes' attitude, he couldn't stop himself from being angered by her.  She was much like himself in some ways.  Prideful, for starters.  Having she, who he felt a deep and confusing connection with, right in front of him, calling him blank as though he were a stranger was too much for him not to get snippy with.

_"I may not be your father nor a fearling, but I know a thing or two about how it was to be them.   If not for the sake of getting back a spirit of winter, a season that you, yourself created, perhaps you would be interested enough to do it for inside information on your father and his death."_

The thorns regrow on the throne, triggered by her emotions.  "I have no need for lies.  My father was dead the moment you were created.  The point of hearing the last moments of a broken man who once considered himself my father is lost on me."  She seems to calm after having spoken, the comet flower from her home planet blooming by her head from a vine on the throne. "However, your call on my desire for the safety of Frost is correct, but he is in a place that the wind no longer has reach.  Be in absolute silence."  She takes a deep breath and turns just enough to breathe into the flower, the air from her lungs being enough to weaken the flower and allow a single petal to separate and fly away in the wind as she listens intently to the remaining flower still on the throne.  It whispers to her in a language that Pitch cannot perceive, but he stays silent for the unheard conversation.

 "In the heart of his first believer and the memories of his truest believer is where you will find Jack Frost.  The flower petals will guide you to them, and they will know his location."  Mother Nature finally says after nearly an hour of silence.

Pitch accepted this without question, nodding his head and watching in fascination as she took another deep breath and released it in the powerful form of wind rising around her, ripping the petals off the comet flower.  They floated through the air in a graceful flow after that, but didn't go in any particular direction as Mother Nature had yet to send them on their way.  She had one last thing to say. "Sanderson Mansnoozie is who you will need to retrieve his location from the believers.  Give him my best wishes.  He has given me his."

With that, the delicate petals began to flow through the air, pushed by the wind into a clear trail, circling Pitch and then leading him off.

He certainly hoped he would never have to interact with that woman again.  Humiliating.  He was never going to speak of this again, if all went well.

* * *

 

Jamie awoke the next morning with the same terrible feeling in his gut that he'd had for nearly a week.  What was going on?

Yet again, he couldn't remember his dream, but there were words that wouldn't leave his head, things that someone had said to him, but now he just couldn't remember who it was, or why it was important.  He tried to shrug it off, but as the day passed by, his mind continued to return to those words.

'We'll always be here, which...kinda makes you a Guardian, too.'

He felt like if only he could remember his dream, he would know what it meant.  The thought did occur to him that it was random and unimportant, but that idea didn't stick.  This time, he just knew it meant something.  What was a Guardian and who were they guarding?  For the life of him, he couldn't remember.

The phrase echoed through his mind like a song playing on repeat.  He'd figure this out, he had to.

* * *

Pitch followed the trail of flower petals to the two places it led him.  The first was exactly what he expected:  Jamie Bennett, Jack's first believer.  The second, however, was a somewhat of a surprise to him.

Only a few blocks away from Jamie lived a scrawny, young, blonde boy by the name of Monty.  This was Jack's truest believer?  Unbelievable.

Monty had been studying in his room when he shut his notebook and stood, turning around with the intention of going to bed until he startled at the presence of the Bogeyman, standing tall and true right there in his bedroom.  Monty jumped back and hit into the desk, a few small objects falling off in his clumsy fear of the spirit.  Still, despite his horror, he tried his best to keep cool.

"Y-you're back.  But I thought-  I thought we...."  He trailed off, realizing that his attempts to communicate braveness were failing.

 _"You thought wrong.  Where is Jack?"_ The tall, ash skinned ghost leaned himself down until his face was all Monty could see, grinning wickedly and he spoke through sharp teeth.   _"Bring me to him."_


	25. Chapter 25

It is going to rain.

Pitch watches as the clouds darken and feels as the air becomes damp.  The droplets start out small and numerous but slowly morph until they're larger, more defined, and splashing through the newly forming puddles in the streets of Burgess.

He always loved rain, or, to be more precise, the thunder and lightning that commonly accompanied it.  The rush of fear from the sheer loudness of the sudden thunderclaps had always been welcome, along with the temporarily blinding crash of brightness that could light the dark for just barely long enough to give a child a glimpse of something horrible lurking within the confines of their bedroom before plunging them once more into darkness.

So it came as quite the surprise to Pitch and even more a surprise to the child in the room with him when he jumped in terror at the thunderclap and curled in on himself as another shot of lightning made itself known, warning that another loud bang was soon to come.

Monty, who had at first laughed in relief that the Bogeyman was no longer threatening him, was no longer amused.  He'd once been afraid of thunder and lightning himself, although he'd grown out of it by this point.  Watching as Pitch Black himself cowered in a corner, trying to keep his composure and failing poorly, he could sympathize.  He almost wanted to offer him comfort, but was far too confused by the idea of the Bogeyman being afraid of a thunderstorm to act.

Pitch could not find it in himself to fully understand it, either.  He knew that he'd been getting sudden and unexplained attacks of fear, but to have it happen with this intensity was far too overwhelming for him to deal with.  He wasn't prepared.  Without the fearlings, without Kozmotis, his mind was vulnerable and unprotected from the raw intake of the fears and memories of fear that he got from the children.  Instead of being able to healthily absorb the fear at a rate that pleased him, it was being violently thrown at him without giving him any time to digest.  

It was just too much for him alone.

"Uh..." Monty gathered the things that had fallen off his desk just a few minutes before and placed them messily on his bed without looking away from Pitch for more than a glance at what he was grabbing.  He wanted to say something, but wasn't completely sure what until he said it.  "I was afraid of thunderstorms. too."

The shadowy figure glared at the boy in resentment from his scrunched position on the floor.   _"You dare talk down on me?  I am the Bo-"_ A loud boom of thunder interrupted his words, and he opted for not finishing the sentence, instead freezing in fear.

The kid pushed up his red glasses and hopped onto the edge of the bed, watching Pitch in silence for a bit longer before continuing his previous train of thought. "I'm not talking down.  I-I think it's okay to be scared.  So...are you looking for Jack to get revenge on him?  Are you going to get the information out of me and then kill me?"

Startlingly, Pitch laughed at Monty's conclusion, genuinely relieved at his dark assumption of Pitch's personality.  At least he still thought of him as being terrible enough to kill him, despite the boy having seen him scared out of his wits.  _"Oh, wouldn't that be fun.  Unfortunately, I'm no longer in the business of killing.  I am here for information, but my revenge on Jack will have to wait until this-"_ A flash of lightning and the lamp in the room goes out.  _"...problem is resolved."_

"Wait, you think Jack can help?  I get scared all the time and...I dunno.  Having fun gives me courage."

 _"Yes, exactly.  Tell me where he is."_ Pitch stood, still shaking from having been so startled, but watching Monty intently, anticipating the information.

"I dunno, I haven't seen him since it snowed last.  Why would I know?" He shrugged defensively.

Another crash of thunder incited Pitch to move quickly, just wanting to leave. He rushed forward to grab Monty's shoulder before sinking into the darkness with him, bringing them directly to his lair and panting in relief from the the wave of fear that had just passed through.  Monty had shouted in surprise and anxiety when they landed, jumping away from the Bogeyman.  

"Whoa!  Not cool!"

Pitch brushed himself off and straightened, acting extra dignified to make up for his previous episode.  _"This is my lair.  You're going to be staying here until I can figure out how you're going to help me find Jack."_

Monty made a whiny noise. "But I have school tomorrow, mom's not gonna be happy...."

Pitch snarled, angry that the kid didn't seem to understand the gravity the situation held.   _"If Jack is without the moon and without the snow for too long-."_ He grabbed Monty by his shirt to emphasize his point.  _"He is going to die for good.  This is a matter of life and death."_ He let go, standing back up straight but never giving up his stern expression.   _"Understand?"_

Not much else to do, Monty gulped and nodded, but tugged Pitch's sleeve as the shadow man had begun to turn away.  "Why me?"

 _"It isn't just you.  We're going to need Jamie."_ Pulling his arm away from the boy, Pitch stared up at the ceiling of the cave as he considered the fact that it was going to be stormy when he talked to Jamie as well, and he dreaded it.  He dreaded more embarrassment and he dreaded being overwhelmed by fear.  Of all people, he was supposed to have a handle on it, always.

"I'll go."  The scrawny boy offered in sympathy for the dark spirit's plight.  "If you drop me off and then come back when we're ready to go...does it even work like that?  Can you do that?"

Pitch considered this for a moment, surprised at the the kid's kindness being directed at him.  Without another word, Monty fell into the dark once more, landing himself in Jamie's room.

* * *

 

There was an uncomfortable need buried somewhere in Jack's mind.  The fearlings may be locked deep, but that didn't prevent them from grasping onto whatever they could reach.  Mostly, they yearned for fear.  Jack, no matter how afraid of losing himself he got, had only one fear, and it was not enough to feed an army of fearlings.  They needed more, so they took more.  Their hunger drove them out of their slumber to reach into Jack's mind twisting his every thought to anxiety, causing every memory to corrupt with terror as the dark creatures ravaged his mind for more.

He felt like he was melting.  Keeping his body pressed to the ice helped, but only a bit.  He missed the wind and the moon and playing.  He just...missed everything.  He longed for it.  He felt like his existence was fading away, like he was becoming invisible, even to himself.

He wasn't going to last forever like this.  As he lay, face down into the bed of dark ice he'd created for himself, he wondered how much longer he had before he lost the fight against fear.

Not long now.


	26. Chapter 26

All the lights have faded, the clouds cover the moon and stars to leave me in the black cold of the icy cave. Not a sound, save the ones _I_ make when I speak or move.

It scares me, and the fear only serves to make me all the more useless.  I know I can't hope to fight the fearlings when I'm so terrified, plus there's no way to bash through dark ice when all I can feel is weakness and horror.  I try my best to gather courage, reminding myself that there's nothing to be afraid of in the darkness.  The fearlings are sealed, and regardless of the sucky after effects of it, they can't really do anything to hurt me or anyone else.  On the bright side, I'm immortal, so I have to get out of here eventually.

That really wasn't a comforting thought, actually.  Something else...think of something else.  I need courage.

Jamie!  Pitch's nightmare could have worked, and he could believe in me again!  He'd notice I was gone, he'd find a way to contact the Guardians, and they would...yeah.  Right.  That's not gonna happen.  The other Guardians don't even have a way to get in here without already knowing where I am, which they don't.  Okay, so, something else.

The only one left is Pitch.  No matter how much I think about it, there's just no one else that could possibly find their way into a dark, sealed off cave like this.  I keep thinking he'd look for me, but he never answers when I call out.  If he was looking, it shouldn't be so hard to find me, considering the pitch blackness of my surroundings.

Damn it, I can't even use my frost lightning on my staff as a nightlight anymore.  I don't know what's happening, but I hate it.  I feel so cowardly that I know I couldn't face Jamie, even if he could see me again.  Pitch is the only one who could see me like this, he's the only who'd get it.

"Hello?" My eyes remain closed in the darkness, no reason to really look for the person I'm talking to because I know he won't be there.  "You must be able to hear me, and I don't know why you're not...here.  Maybe you really were as bad as the Guardians said all along, but still, I..." _Don't want you to ignore me like they did._  "Don't walk away from me and pretend you don't care, I _know_ you do.  You know exactly how this feels, and I saved you from being trapped down there with them, so the _least_ you can do is tell me...why you just- won't do the same when I-."

I am the fearlings' defenseless host, like he once was.  Through Pitch's open wounds and my unguarded mind, they let themselves in, and now those unwelcome guests can't leave.  They can't hurt me, I know they can't.  The were sealed.  Still, my fear and anxiety bubble to the surface as I cower in the corner from the unseen and unreal dangers that crowd my brain.  The longer I listen to my fear and let it take hold, the less stable I feel the seal truly is, like there's only such a small and weak gate to protect me from them.  When I feel so lost and empty, I can practically feel the fearlings mocking me.

He went through this.  he fought it, and I helped him fight it.  Resentment boils and twists in my chest as I think about how hard I tried to help, when in the end, he never even cared. "I stood up for you, Pitch. I...I believed in you."

* * *

 

"I stood up for you, Pitch. I...I believed in you."

_It hurts.  Even with nothing but the darkness and Jack saying this one, small thing.  Even with my ability to see through the dark, I still can't see it clearly enough.  Seeing this dream through Jack's perspective is off-putting, and it isn't even helping me divine his location.  Emily- er, Mother Nature was wrong, this won't help me find him.  She gave me something useless.  I can hear him, but there isn't enough here for me to know where he is, it's completely worthless!_

_No, it isn't worthless, it's worse.  I can feel...everything.  He's angry, but he's so tired that he can't even hold on to that.  He lets go of the anger and moves on, and I can do nothing but continue to experience the dream._

"Just...find me.  That's-.  If you aren't gonna get me outta here, fine.  If that's the case, then I guess the other Guardians were right, but if you're gonna leave me here forever to sulk in the darkness, just come here and say that to my face.  I want to see your eyes as you tell me that, because otherwise, you know what I think?  It's cowardly.  You're the Bogeyman and you can't even come down here to face me, because you feel guilty, don't you?"   _He's trying to provoke me, even though he knows it wouldn't work, that I can't hear.  But I can.  Help me find you, Jack.  Tell me where you are._

* * *

 

"I just don't want to slowly...decay down here as I'm gradually forgotten, Pitch!  You've been here, you wouldn't do this to me, so why is it taking you so damn long?!" Even after everything he did back on Easter, I couldn't forget him, so there's no way he'd just leave me here to be forgotten.  We could have been family, we could have been a team, the two of us, we make a great partnership, I get it now.  I understand him now, I thought I understood, but he's not even here.  I cared so much about him, I wanted to see him go scare kids on Halloween and we would've watched as they laughed about it once it was over.  It was gonna be- I thought  _we_ were gonna be _..._

Why did everything go so wrong?

I'm so tired, am I even awake anymore?

I'm falling apart at the seams, nothing left to occupy me but how I once felt.  This is familiar.  I remember.  Pitch's heart and mine were bound for so long in the darkness, we had nothing but each other and the fearlings who hounded us through the darkness of a deep cave.  So many years went by, until I'd completely forgotten who I was and had been left with nothing but my purpose to protect.

How many times did I lose myself like I have now?  How many people have I been?  Who is that person who was with Pitch all that time?  Was it really me?  Why was I there, how did it happen?  Even after I regained my memory, now it turns out there's even more that the man in the moon didn't tell me about?  Or is this even real?  My mind- the fearlings could be making this up and giving me false memories, so I can't believe it.  I can't believe in anything.

Get out of my head, whoever you are, just leave me alone.  No, I was never locked in Pitch's heart, that wasn't me, that wasn't-no.  Even if...even if that person was me, it's in the past, why would I get that memory back now?  It doesn't make any sense.

It's because I'm in the darkness, with the fearlings, like I was then.  But things are different now, Pitch isn't here, Kozmotis is gone, and that light that always reminded me to believe in myself is...

My light is gone because I'm not pure of heart anymore.  Those people in that storm so long ago, they probably got hurt or even died, because I was so selfish and wanted to be seen.  I don't deserve to be the light, so my glow is gone.  That has to be it.  I'm a has-been, a once-was.  I was just an eyesore for the Guardians, so really, it's better that I'm gone now. And Pitch...

I wake up from the nightmare.

I'm loveless, unwanted, invisible.  I try to scream out for something, someone, but I don't have a voice anymore.  I curl in on myself, hugging my chest and trying not to make the ridiculous wish that it was Pitch.  I've only been a nuisance to everyone.  I'm losing my grip, this isn't what I stand for.  I need to stay myself.  I need to find my courage, I'm the one who decides who I am.

I'm not in control of everything that happens around me.  Like in the nightmare, I'm trapped in the darkness with the fearlings and no way out, but I  _am_ in control of me.  If I was someone else before now, that's great, they're a part of who I am now, but that doesn't change that I still have to be the one to rescue myself.  I can't lay in wait, I can't do the easy thing and submit to my fears, I have to do what Pitch did.  I need to have the courage to conquer my fear.

Getting freedom can wait, though...I'm too tired right now.  I'll just take a nap, when I wake up, I'll figure a way out.  Just... _later_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by the song "Neglected Space" by Imogen Heap. It inspired me to continue with the story, and it's very related to Jack's thoughts in here! :D


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I tend to update whenever I wake up from a nightmare, and it's been so long since I last had a nightmare that the updates have been suffering for it! That's kinda weird to actually say, but whatever. ANYWAY, here you go!

I was a fool to have trusted Pitch.

No, not just Pitch. To have trusted the Guardians, trusted in the man in the moon, in my destiny to help kids. I can't help them, not anymore. As soon as Pitch got his powers back, he betrayed me, I'm sure of that now. It's been too long for me not to understand that I've been completely abandoned. This isn't the first time I've had to accept that no one is ever going to help. It isn't as though I'm not aware this is the fear taking hold, but what could I possibly do about it, on my own?

Everything is made of an endless sense of cold and darkness, and this time there is no moon to chase my terror away.

The ice above my head shimmers and sparkles from what little sunlight is still managing to reach it. That sun should be mine, that warmth used to be part of me, and now it's gone. In more ways than one, my light has gone out, and I can feel the loss of it like a building force of anxiety hiding behind a wall of melancholy. Melancholy that I know I shouldn't have, knowing what my center is, what it should be. How I'm supposed to feel.

I've spent so long here, wasting away in this, that now the only path that's still clear is the one that leads further down the spiral. Now, it seems as if Pitch coming here would serve to horrify me. I know what I would do, now. I think.

_"Jack?!"_

I trip and stumble backward, into the dark ice, searching frantically around me for the origin of the voice.

"Wh-Why..-" My throat is in pain and, not being sure what I was going to ask anyway, I don't finish. There is movement in this cave somewhere, but I can't find it because of all the echoes resounding throughout. There are at least three different people in here, but my mind is hyper focused on finding that single one that called for me first. All I can do is get back up and feel out until my hand has grabbed on to a material of some sort. I know what this is, who it is, why they're here, why their voice sounds so worried, and he turns around and grabs my hand to keep it from falling away from him altogether.

 _"I'm getting you out of here."_ Pitch's eyes can barely be seen now as he leans in, but everything seems so fuzzy, suddenly. Or, maybe the world had been getting gradually fuzzy and gradually getting darker, and I hadn't noticed until I saw him. It doesn't matter, because everything fades.

Everything.

* * *

Jack passes out just as Pitch reaches to catch his fall, immediately transporting them both back to just outside North's Workshop, where the other Guardians awaited anxiously, all of them shouting in both relief and concern over the return of Jack.

Tooth rushed toward Jack, helping take him out of Pitch's hands and into a bed that North had, in his concern for Jack's well-being, crafted entirely out of ice. It wouldn't be comfortable, but he figured that Jack would be best in his element when recovering from wherever he'd been. Tooth is very careful when setting Jack's head on the ice pillow. "Pitch, what happened?! Where was he? What is this?" She barely spared him a glance, mostly focusing her attention on worrying about the streak of black in Jack's usually perfectly white hair.

 _"I don't know, I-"_ Pitch tried to respond, only to be interrupted by Bunny.

"That streak in his hair, did you do it?" The Pooka continuously switched between watching Jack and Pitch, his ears hanging down as he couldn't manage to show anything but concern, despite his accusation.

 _"No, he was-"_ Pitch once again started, only to be interrupted this time by North, who grabbed his shoulder to turn him around.

"Jack has been being gone for more than a month. Is time for us letting him rest, yes?"

_"No, he's been alone for too long already, I know what might be happening, we just need to-"_

The wind pushed both suddenly and violently as Mother Nature made herself known, coming down from the stormy sky and looking Pitch directly in the eye. "Father, you left the children behind, again. Get them." As soon as Pitch nodded seriously and disappeared into a portal of darkness, indicating that her order had been taken, she focused her attention on Sandy. "My friend, you need to blanket him in snow, but ensure that his head is exposed to the rest of the elements. Keep him somewhere he will be able to see the sun or the moon when he awakens."

Sandy immediately began piling snow on Jack's legs, getting help from North, who was able to pile significantly more with his massive arms.

Tooth flitted over to Mother Nature. "It's you! Look, I am just so glad that you're helping us, we were so worried-"

The stormy woman shook her head negative at Tooth, pushing her way gently past her to get a good look at the frost spirit. "This is for those that Jack helps. For..." She glanced back at her father and the two children that had just returned with him from the cave. "...them."

Sandy finishes tucking Jack in the snow, but stares at him in concern, an image forming over his head in sand.

Pitch understood before anyone else what he was saying. _"He's...dreaming? Is that good or...?"_

Sandy didn't respond to that.

* * *

I look around in the dark dreamscape, holding on to the last bits of myself I can still remember. At least I'm not alone. I think it might be unbearable sometimes, but he is here, and somehow that's more comforting than being without him, even knowing that he's in danger. I can't remember why he's in danger, or why I'm here, but I know these things.

I can't let my guard down, despite the odd comfort I have. I raise my staff in defense as a fearling lashes out at me from the emptiness, trying to destroy me completely. I just have to stay alive and save him, that's all I have to do, just keep going, never give in, be the light. I can do this, I...

A sudden pain runs through my back. I'm going to die. I'm not ready, I can't let this happen, how could I let this happen? I don't want this, I just need it to stop, for the fear to go away. The darkness seems to fade into a blanket of endless gray and speckled white. I can't breathe, the pain in my back is spreading throughout my body at the speed of lightning, and I can't move. The fear and exhaustion overtake my senses and I feel myself fading away. It's too late.

Someone is holding me, I realize. I turn my head and nearly choke on my own breath as I see those eyes again. The golden eyes that look so much like solar eclipses. They're wonderful. It's okay, Koz. I haven't forgotten everything just yet. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not the only one fighting. You're here, too, just like we said, we'll win this fight, together. You and me against the fearlings, like old times. I will light your way through this hellish dark and keep the fearlings away from the center of your heart, and you will always do this for me. This.

An incredible warmth seeps into my muscles where the pain had been on my back, where Koz holds me, wordlessly knitting me back together.

I will be the light. I promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Left the children behind again" hah. GET IT? BECAUSE EMILY GOT LEFT BEHIND? HHAHAHAhah, oh, wow, I'm awful.


	28. Chapter 28

 

 _Images made of sand flash by too quickly for the Guardians to understand, which is clear from their expressions, but I know what he said.  Despite our contrasting figures, Sandy and I are of the same species, same planet, even.  Of course, that isn't to imply that I'm keen on translating for those too slow to process his language._    _"I thought as much. You Guardians always were too quick to act."_

_Really, I had been making an effort to interact with the Guardians without my hatred for them pouring out in every direction, but they're making it increasingly difficult, especially with the containment spell Bunnymund cast on the fearlings inside Jack being something that is apparently permanent and completely irreversible.  Matters are only made worse by Sandy nodding solemnly, as though we've truly already lost Jack._

_Well, Jack Frost isn't lost.  No matter what they think._

_In light of my glaring, my daughter, or my-  whatever I should call her now, has apparently decided to begin translating Sandy for the group.  Figures, she was always much more kind, she must have taken after Kozmotis more than her mother._ "...can't be undone.  My-"  _She's hesitating, looking to me.  I don't have an answer for her._ _She tightens her lips.  I know that look, she's correcting herself._ "Pitch Black is obviously not going to accept this, and neither can I.  Regardless of all your belief and your children wanting to play with him, the world balance needs Jack for the changing of the seasons.  Transitioning between summer and winter is difficult enough, even with him to help smooth it over with mild snow and frost.  I know I can manage on my own, but if there is any possible way to have him back, then we need to make that happen."

_Right.  Of course her own agenda comes into play.  Good, for me.  If I can have her on my side, nothing will be able to stop us from bring Jack home._

_Wherever that is.  Whatever that means._

_Defending myself from getting too deep in this...this compassion I feel for Jack is tiring, almost as tiring as making these foolish attempts to not think of Emily as my daughter.  The worst part about all of this is, I feel the most in control of my fears when I accept that I am afraid of losing Jack.  Even when the Guardians obviously have no idea what they're doing and Bunnymund hangs his head, claiming that there simply isn't anything he can do, I know how to be in control of my fears, because I know exactly what it is I fear._  
  
I just don't want to be in control.

_I do exactly what I intend to.  I yell at the lot of them, warning their impending doom if they aren't able to find a way to save Jack.  I shout, knuckles whitening with the tightness of my fists, anger exploding with my fear, letting it consume both myself and others until I've lost track of whatever it was I may have been saying and simply leave._

_I don't go far, I refuse to stray away from Jack.  Who knows what else the Guardians might do with him if I really left.  Bury him, perhaps._

* * *

Frustrated, Pitch lie down, his back in the snow.

"Father."

A familiar rush of affection ran through Pitch for a moment, until he reminded himself that the affection he felt was from memories of being Kozmotis, not himself.   _"I am not your father."_ It needed to be said again.  No matter how much Emily may have felt as though she was his daughter, Pitch was not the same man she once knew.  She must come to accept that.  Perhaps she already does, though- _perhaps_ , Pitch considered, the one who truly needed the reminder was only himself, but it mattered not.

"Does it trouble you?" Carefully, as if not to startle him with any sudden movements, Emily sat down in the snow at Pitch's side, staring at him as if she could see through anything.   _She probably could,_ Pitch thought.

The truth was that yes, it did bother him. Everything bothers him, because he has so many things unresolved, eating at his core until nothing could be left but an echo of a person _._ The empty shell. Though, that had little to do with her calling him 'Father' and more to do with his own existential crisis. _"What?"_

Emily leaned over Pitch, peering down as if he were some sort of test. "You obviously aren't being consumed by fearlings anymore, and now you refuse to be my father.  Who are you, then?  Give me something, so that I can be at peace."

Sitting up, Pitch removed the locket from his robe, handing it to her.  It was something Pitch was sure she ought to have, though she seemed hesitant to take it, hovering her hand next to it without making contact. _"Emily.  I am the King of Nightmares, and that is something that has remained unchanged for thousands of years.  I am the ugly part of the world that people consider to be a menacing, looming, presence.  Fear is not to be taken lightly, and neither am I.  Were Kozmotis still a living consciousness within me, I would be pulled to your side as your father.  Were the fearlings still living inside of me, I would be pulled to the darkness.  As it is, I can only be myself- which is something I still don't understand.  So the answer to your question is that I cannot **give** you an answer.  I don't know who I am.  Perhaps I never will.  All I can provide is information on what I am and where I came from, as I have some understanding of that, at least."_

When Pitch was finished with his speech, Emily paused for what must have been several minutes, considering the locket that Pitch still held out for her to take.  "I don't want it."  Defiantly, she pushed the locket back toward him.  "I gave it to my father.  Even if he is dead, you must have some of his memories, some echo of who he was.  I no longer have that, so I don't deserve it.  Too many years were spent on resenting him for that locket to mean anything good to me."

Another pause as Pitch held up the locket, now looking at it, himself.   _"...I do.  Remember what it was like.  Gradually, I remember who he was, who he met.  Odd details that I don't understand."_

Emily plopped down in the snow, next to where Pitch had previously been laying, staring up at the dark clouds that hung lowly in the sky.  It felt, to her, as though she was laying herself bare to nature, which wasn't uncommon in and of itself, but was quite uncommon in the presence of another.  "Then humor me, Pitch Black.  Tell me what you are.  Tell my why you are.  Give me your truth."

_"I'm unsure where to start."_

"Start from the earliest thing you can recall.  I don't care whether it's you, the fearlings, or father.  What is the first thing you remember?"

_"Well..."_


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FEATURING: NIGHTMARE KING SOBBING OVER THINGS

 

Over the course of the next few months, Pitch came to understand that he despised the sulfur-like smell the fearlings gave off.

It wasn't something he noticed when he'd been the one possessed, but nowadays when he wasn't busy scaring kids, he was watching over Jack, talking to him.  He'd heard somewhere that talking to someone in a coma could help them wake and had no idea whether or not it would truly do anything, but he knew that if someone had been there, reaching out to him in his darkest moments, it would have given him a fighting chance to not fall so far into the fearlings grasp.    
  
Jack's ice bed was low to the ground and Pitch sat in the snow, resting his hand atop his friend's.  

No one could say when Pitch had decided that Jack, truly, was his friend.  Their relationship always seemed to be crowded with other things- the fearlings, for the most part, but now that he had a lot of time on his hands and nothing to think about aside from his meetings with Mother Nature and his desire to have Jack return to his side, it had become all too apparent to himself that Pitch cared deeply for the frost spirit.  
  
The Guardians were not dense enough to allow Pitch's frequent visits to Jack go unnoticed, but they'd said nothing to him about it yet, preferring to talk amongst themselves first about how different Pitch seemed from the Nightmare King they once knew and fought.  Bunnymund was particularly stubborn in his viewpoint that Pitch was only manipulating them in a way they hadn't yet been manipulated, joining them and seeming genuinely concerned for Jack only out of a need to be accepted into their group and gain believers, but after so long of being around him, even Bunny began to consider Pitch to at least care about Jack, if nothing else.

And there was, indeed, very little else he cared about.  Fear still plagued Pitch constantly, but now that he was gaining a somewhat strong group of believers, he was able to distract himself from his own panic and anxiety and focus on theirs.  It was mutually beneficial, keeping the kids from going out at night or doing other various dangerous things, and keeping Pitch from losing himself to his terrors.

Now, it seemed, Pitch Black's terror was stronger than ever.  That isn't to say that he caused a lot of fear, rather, his power was at an ordinary level- it was that during moments like these, when he sat at Jack's bed side, everything would seem to crash down on him at once, reminding him that he will inevitably be alone, regardless of the presence of others.  
  
Mother Nature humored the stories of his past out of curiosity about the remaining shell of her father, not out of any genuine feeling of friendship or care.  Toothiana seemed to have some small amount of sympathy for him, but Pitch suspected the only thing she understood at all was that he wanted Jack awake- she certainly wouldn't care to know more, and her brightness and constant fluttering always put Pitch in a state of highly uncomfortable nervousness.  Bunnymund...well, he barely tolerated him.  The Sandman got close to some form of companionship, as Pitch and Sandy would often sit silently next to one another and Pitch appreciated Sandy's occasional attempts to give Jack good dreams. North seemed friendly, but as far as Pitch was concerned, it was fake- North was on edge often, and ready in case Pitch decided to betray them.  
  
But, he wouldn't betray them.  Not at this point.  Pitch could not deny that there was and likely would always be antagonism with all the bad blood between he and the other Guardians, but Pitch realized that he didn't care anymore about having fear rule the world.  He only wanted that back then because he had believed it was the only way to not drown in the intensity of his own fear, but Jack Frost changed things.  A lot of things.  If only Jack would wake up, he would have someone who understood.

As it was, Pitch had to stay with the hollow form of his one and only true companion, crying out of fear, anger, sadness, longing, it didn't matter anymore.  He was nothing but a shadow calling out from this terrible, endlessly white, snowy place, wishing that somehow, in whatever darkness Jack's mind currently resided in, he could hear something.  Anything.

Quietly, Sandy made his way to the crying Nightmare King, giving an empathetic look his way that Pitch missed entirely with his intense desire to ignore the fact that he'd been caught in such a horrid state.  Without even a single sand symbol, Sandy pointed Pitch to the moon that hung large and heavy in the night sky.  Pitch hadn't even noticed it had gotten dark, so lost in his woe.  No matter, Pitch wiped the tears from his face, trying to retain whatever dignity he could at this point, staring at the Sandman questioningly.

In response, Sandy depicted a person talking, and then pointed once more to the moon.

Pitch's voice came out more harshly than he expected. _"Why would he listen?  For three hundred years, the Man in the Moon made it clear that he didn't care about Jack, he only turned him into a Guardian because I was going to destroy all of you.  It would be entirely pointless, even if he were to hear what I have to say, he never really listens. Not to anyone."_

With a stern and angry look from Sandy, who began to shoo Pitch away so he could give Jack a good dream, Pitch began to consider it.  What did he have to lose, at this point?

A lot.  A distance away from the workshop and from Jack's bed, Pitch looked up to the moon.  This wouldn't be the first time he talked to the Man in the Moon, but it would be the first time he wanted a response. 

_"All eyes on me, old friend."_

Pitch waited until the moon began to glow just a bit brighter, only then deciding that he was being heard.   _"You're not ignoring me, this time.  You're going to do Jack Frost a favor, or I will take Jack into my own hands and betray the Guardians."_ 

It was as though Pitch could hear Jack in his head, saying something like 'Threatening him?  ....I don't think that's gonna work, Pitch.  Might wanna work on your angle a bit'.  He ignored that thought.  Jack didn't say anything.

_"Darkness cannot be fought with further darkness.  I've tried everything I can, and Jack has only suffered for my failures.  Your Guardian of Fun is in danger, you must take action, you have no choice but to bring him back."_

**"No.  You must be the one to bring him back.  You have the light still sleeping within you."**

Startled, Pitch fell back, his butt hitting the snow ungracefully as he stared up at the moon in shock at having heard anything.   _"Wha- What on Earth are you talking about? I am a creature of darkness.  I don't have a light."_

**"Find one."**


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of this fic! Worry not, this is not the end of the story! The sequel will soon be created in works connected to this! If you're reading this, thank you so much for sticking with me this far! I'm amazed! I have been working on this story for years, and it actually means a lot to me, even if no one were to read it, so thank you for being here to see the slowest of slow burns, and I hope you will read the continuation, which will be a lot more focused on the actual romantic aspect of Pitch and Jack's relationship! :D Again, thank you for reading!!

In such an endless darkness as his own, Pitch knew of only one kind of light that could be found within, and as far as he could understand from all the vague and spotty memories from back then, such a brightness had been entirely lost to him long ago.  It couldn't help him now, and it certainly couldn't help Jack wake up unless he figured out where it was.

Still, if some piece, even just one solid and real memory of that wonderful, pure light could be found somewhere within him, he had to do this.

Bunnymund, arms crossed as he stared at the Bogeyman, was not greatly pleased with the events that were currently unfolding. "I can't believe you're doing this.  You've got buckley's chance this'll work out.  I don't get why you're so intent on acting like you care about Jack, but now you're gonna risk-"

_"I do care.  More than you could possibly-....more than I, myself, have been able to understand.  The children may need me, but they need Jack, too.  Or don't you remember how Jack saved all of us, despite you being apparently willing to turn your backs on him at a moments notice...?"_

Words that had been caught in Pitch's throat fell wearily in the peaceful night snow outside North's workshop, still and quiet despite whatever ruckus was likely going on indoors.  Deaf was not a word that applied to Bunnymund, so he didn't miss that Pitch had included himself in those who Jack had saved, and this made him go silent.  In the absence of the frost spirit's fun and games, Pitch had grown desperate.  Until this happened, he hadn't realized how much time he'd been spending with Jack, or how different everything had become only because of his presence.  After pushing so hard, putting forth so much effort, was Jack really going to disappear?  Now that Pitch had finally become a Guardian, like he wanted?

Pitch would have been furious at him for it, if he weren't so occupied in feeling emptied out in several unique ways.

The cycle had to be broken.  Every night, Pitch had been confronting Jack's sleeping form with some new tactic to wake the boy that would only end in failure, sending Pitch further into a state of anxious depression with the dread that Jack would remain forever frozen.  Even Bunnymund had noticed how intensely Pitch would guard over Jack.  Against his better judgement, Bunny had gotten curious enough about the visits to spy, and it seemed to be Pitch's luck that the one night Bunny did so...happened to be the night Pitch decided to enact his final attempt at waking Jack.  Being far too distracted and perhaps also too melancholy to care greatly if Bunny protested further, he continued, talking to Jack now.

 _"You_ _r children can no longer protect you."_ Pitch spoke softly as he leaned over Jack, Bunny's nose twitching in concern for why he would say something like that, but calming as he went on.   _"So that job falls upon me, now."_ It was Jack's doing that Pitch became a Guardian of Childhood, and in return it was Pitch's doing that Jack was corrupted with darkness.  This was the least he could do to make up for everything, though none of his debts would ever truly be repaid, he was sure. _"Somewhere between covering the worlds in fear and regaining pieces of myself, I realized why Kozmotis put us here."_ _  
_

A glance was shared between those two conscious present.  Pitch suddenly understood why Bunnymund was not stopping him.  It seemed even the Pooka was not distant enough to be blind to Jack's suffering.  Any chance was better than none.  Pitch returned his gaze to Jack's sleeping face, noticing the flakes of snow on his eyelashes.   _"Of course I didn't realize it at the time, but I was looking for something.  Something you gave me."_

As he spoke, Pitch began settling himself, laying down next to Jack, leaning on his elbow and holding his free hand on Jack's forehead as if to check his temperature.  It bothered Bunny, but still no move was made to interfere, deciding instead to watch intently, Pitch still talking as though Jack was the one hearing his words.   _"Unlike you, I wasn't chosen, you know- to be like this.  Nobody led Kozmotis down the path to become the Bogeyman, every step was of his own accord and even despite that, he-...."_

For a moment, Pitch simply broke off there and closed his eyes, allowing his hand to slide across Jack's face, feeling the lesser cold of him before sighing and retracting, laying down completely and slipping his nearest hand into Jack's own.   _"-He wasn't afraid until he became me.  I wasn't afraid of the dark until I existed."_

Bunnymund scoffed. "Well you're a right mess, that didn't even make any sense."

Not even a brief glare was spared, though Pitch's face obviously twitched in annoyance before he went on, squeezing Jack's hand to ground himself for what was to come.  That's what this speech was- preparation- a reminding of what he was going to do, what he was going to look for once this began.   _"I've only been afraid because as soon as Kozmotis Pitchiner became Pitch Black, I've known the truth of what lurks within the darkest corners of people's minds, waiting for chances to be unleashed upon the world, and I wanted it to be me, but it wasn't.  I only represented it, just as you represent fun and the Guardians represent wonder, hopes, dreams, memories....but it was already there, you can be sure of that.  Even my nightmares turned on me when I was weak enough, so you don't need any more proof, do you?  I'm not fear.  I just remind everyone of what fear is like because I can see into the depths of their hearts and minds where they hide their real terrors."_

The snow that had once been gentle had become a storm, and soon it would even be blizzard by the time Pitch finished with his final words before he would be falling asleep, his dark form gradually being buried beneath white.   _"So you may not be the light anymore, but you have to remind me what it was like.  By now, I'm quite certain you're the only one who can.  Good night, Jack."_

It became too difficult and the wind was freezing his fur, so Bunny turned around just as Pitch finished, thumping his foot on the ground to make himself a tunnel back to the Warren, not before giving a departing look back to the two slumbering spirits.

"I'd say sweet dreams, but I know it's gonna be a bloody bumpy ride.  Good luck, mate."

* * *

Within the dreamscape of infinite black, a voice called out a few words to Jack and everything went white.

**Author's Note:**

> There's another fic in which I place extra stuff like scenes that I removed because they didn't fit well enough, things that happened off-screen, and things that could've happened, but didn't. You can find it by going to my page or looking at works connected to this one, if you 'd like to read it! :D


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